Thanks to my weight obsession, Calorie King had all of my journal entries between the last update in 2003 on here and today's update. So, for your insomniac cures, here it is, 2004 in a nutshell:


Monday , December 1st 2003
Food Total: 739 cals
Net Calorie Total: 739 cals
154
Can you believe it? With all the feasting and letting the food thing slide during November, this is my start weight for the month of December. Chocolate chips, Chinese food, Mexican food, pumpkin pie, and still, 154 today. NOW, I'm happy it's an effort to lose weight, because it takes the same amount of effort to gain it back.
I want to hit the gym today, but am so tired from yesterday's driving. Then, I'd had two Red Bulls to keep me awake and I did stay awake. Until 4:00am. Up at 8:00am to get the child to school, then catching up on phone calls and emails this morning. I have to make sure I have materials for class this evening, plus I really must clean up the house. Yech. It's not bad, just dusty and cluttered. I also need a shower, before I go workout of course.
I heard from my guy over the holiday. He misses us, but the Army fed them all a turkey dinner. It was pretty good, so that was great.

Tuesday , December 2nd 2003
Oh, man has my brain hurt today. Nothing worked on my headache, it's just now started to fade. I'm all tense and could use a shoulder and neck massage to loosen the knots. The Midrin has a sedative, but that's still not completely effective.
Yesterday and today was a wash, ate chocolate chips, then Long John Silver's tonight. Bad, even if I couldn't finish the entire platter. I couldn't work out today, just walking made my blood pound in the veins. Did the blood pressure cuff while getting more meds tonight and my pulse rate was in the 80's. So not good, since usually it's in the 60's.
If I weren't in pain, I'd miss the gym even more than I do now. Really want to go, but the headache is too much. I miss the weightlifting and am worried about losing my stairclimbing levels. Oh well.
In other news, heard from my beloved yesterday. What a wonderful surprise for him to call. I love that man. Really loved hearing from him and hearing his voice. Can't believe it's going to be nearly a year before I see him again. It'll be a month tomorrow since he's been gone. He might get to come back to Orlando for a conference in a few months, if that's the case, the child and I are there. Even a few days with him will be great.
I so want to be at 110 when he gets back, must must must get back on the diet and exercise track. I haven't been making excuses or reasons why to eat, I've just been eating as I want. That's got to stop.

Monday , December 15th 2003
Ug. I'm faaaaat!
LOL because it's about time! A person can't eat batch upon batch of cookies and not have SOMETHING happen. I'm up two pounds. That's cool, because I can lose it with just a little work. Yesterday, I shoveled the driveway just in time for the warm snap today. Today, I can feel every muscle I haven't worked out during December. Bad bad!!
So this morning I had my usual yogurt, accidentally missed lunch but had a salad at night, then had scrimp scampi for dinner. Did I totally blow a good day by eating a couple of butter cookies? Probably, but I had a good reason for seeing if they were still good. That's it, though. Two, and a bunch more are there on the counter, and I really don't want any more. I think the need for sweets is over. Having a month off (and I mean REALLY off) once a year won't ruin me. Just as long as I hop back on the bandwagon.
October and November were sort of break months, too, but while I didn't log anything, I still didn't eat what I wanted when I wanted during that time. The two lax months, then hedonistic December has done wonders for my morale. I'm so ready for the first school day in January! As soon as the child is on the bus, I'm having a small yogurt and a large bottle of water, then hitting the gym. Of course, my performance will be horrible compared to the last time I worked out, but oh well! Nowhere to go but up!
This week, I'm cleaning house like a fiend for Christmas company. Then, the next two, nearly three weeks, my child is home from school for winter break. I'd rather get a clean house, and be active with my child than do time in a gym during this time. After this break, I'll start seriously training for the German Army PT test at Leavenworth. One of the Colonels at the Unit Christmas party brought over a Sergeant Major who'd completed the test and has a medal on his uniform. No, I can't get one, I'm not active duty, but while hubby is in Kuwait, he and I can train and compare notes on our progress. It'll be fun. Something to bind us across the miles, like our love and family life isn't enough, LOL!
Must make plans for tomorrow's tasks....

Friday , January 2nd 2004
Food Total: 1122 cals
Exercise Total: 739 cals
Net Calorie Total: 383 cals
Oh My God. 162. And here I was, doing so well at 155. Yucka. No wonder the 10's were tight. I'm freakin' fat.
Ok, so, back to the grind. Actually, I'm looking forward to the discipline already. I've made out the menus for this week, good, and if there weren't a Star Trek marathon today, I'd be out shopping right now. Oh well. It'll get done later today. Plus, I have the new, improved housecleaning list and I'm so not close to being done. I've worked on cleaning for an hour today, and there's yet another hour left to do, at least.
I've discovered a new website, something about Flylady, a person could Google if they really wanted. It is a home organization site and has been very helpful so far. I'm slowly modifying my life to be better in many ways.
Word of the day-ahlan wa SAHlan, Arabic for 'Hello'
Yesterday's was nam, Arabic for 'yes'

Sunday , January 4th 2004
Food Total: 631 cals
Net Calorie Total: 631 cals
Here's something new and improved. I've downloaded a program called DietPower that's cool. I've used it in the past, but didn't feel comfy paying $40+ for it. I've been so good at CK, though, that I'm tempted to plunge ahead and keep dual records. Why? Because DP is great for being offline, I can enter my recipes (very important since I do tons of gourmet cooking), has more activities in their database, and most of all, it uses my calories eaten, used, and current weight to calculated a customized metabolic rate. I do like CK for the community, and the information too. DP isn't up to date unless there's an enhancement to the program. That's a limitation. Something else I do happen to like about DP is that the water intake is customizable and it gives me a nutrient chart. I'll have to see if it has the measurements storage, too.
In other news, we're socked in with ice, thanks to a storm that moved through last night. Yay. The only provision we need is kitty litter.
I binged so bad last night!!! About six Hersey kisses, but that's not the worst of it. You know that CK recipe for Chicken Artichoke salad? I take half that, mix it with iceberg lettuce before adding the French Dressing, then eat. Only last night, I'd had leftover so I had two servings. I suppose, as far as binges go it's not bad, but still. I was sooo hungry that I couldn't resist. I logged it in DP but not CK. Need to do that.
Hubby called this morning. Once the debts are paid (and who doesn't have them), we're saving for household upgrades. Very cool! I'll be able to get a professional grade stove, if all goes well.
I finished the commissioned afghan and will drop it off on Saturday. It's absolutely beautiful and I'm getting pictures before then. I've started a new organizational system that's working wonders. Don't know if I mentioned it already...think I have. At any rate, it's fabulous. I'm trying not to stress if I can't do everything all at once and perfectly, as is my desire. Things are getting done and the house is looking cleaner all the time. I'm not going to log housework as a workout any more, since Fit TV is on the air. I just need to make sure I'm working out to it. Once I get back into the habit of eating properly, like most of last year, then I'll work out properly, THEN start a new diet.
What is it? It's the Gastric Bypass diet! Don't know if I already journaled this, but... I thought about the people who undergo the surgery and thought why do it when all a person really has to do is stick to the diet. I know, easier said than done, but if I can wean myself from uncontrolled eating to controlled, then from controlled to restricted, then I can bump back up to controlled. That's where everyone should be anyway, instead of on a 'diet'. If a person can control their finances, control their household cleaning, control their appearance, why NOT control their eating? Be uncontrolled somewhere else where it counts, like...the bedroom maybe? } <-evil grin
With hubs away, of course I'll need to find something else for the uncontrolled thing. If I want to stay out of trouble, that is. Maybe something that a lack of control would be productive, like exercise or activity outdoors. Knitting professionally (not buying yarn, that's already semi-uncontrolled), writing screenplays, cleaning house, stuff like that. I'll have to make a list...
The word for the day is still "ahlan wa salan" until I can say it without goofing and saying "ahwan al salan" instead. The second is probably a curse, my luck being what it is. Now that I've written this, I'll have to look it up.
Ciao for now. I have an apple to eat.

Sunday , February 29th 2004
Oh my! I haven't updated in forever! Well, forget about the gastric bypass diet for now, I'm doing good just to stick to 1200 a day and usually go over. I'll balance it out by working extra hard on cleaning house. Carrying plastic tubs of genealogy paperwork and Army manuals is pretty darn exhausting.
On the other hand, I'm back at the gym, and went three times last week. When I couldn't work out due to the flu (all through Feb), I hopped on our little trampoline here in the kitchen. It's a little way from the fridge so I have to walk past it to get to the food. Also, they have the coolest thing on Time Warner cable, it's Fit TV. I feel like I've mentioned this, but.... Love that Bodies in Motion with Gilad. I remember when it used to be tough, now all that's tough is the coordination I don't have.
Working out progress: Bench presses are up to 3 reps of 160lbs, leg presses are still 3 sets of 10 at 360lbs and those are tough. I can only run one mile at 12 minutes. Sometimes it's at 11 minutes and some odd seconds, but usually, it's 12. My bod would be fantastic if I could just lose the body fat. Ah well. As hard as it is for me to gain, I'll just have to be patient with how hard it is for me to lose.
What else is going on? Hubby is fine. I hear from him every Sunday and it's wonderful to hear his voice. I'm crazy about the guy and look forward to having him home. The child is great. Of course, on Sunday, I'm glad she's going to school the next day, then by Thursday I want her to stay home on Friday because I miss her so much.

Thursday , June 24th 2004
Guess what the cat dragged (or is that drug?) in! It's been for-freakin-ever since I posted a journal entry, and I'm thinking about letting my CK subscription lapse. It's not like I get a heck of a lot of community support, but then, I don't tend to offer any, either. I'd post and mostly be 'passed over' and not bother to get back into it.
I've been logging my foods in a software program that allows me to enter in my own recopies, something I really needed. I'd suggested the feature to CK, but was pretty much ignored. Also, the meal selections were the same things over and over, and after six months of eating the same dishes... ug. I'd suggested that they add those wonderful new recopies in their library to their meal plans. Of course, no one jumped on THAT wonderful idea. (wonderful is sarcastic)
So anyway. I still had my Perfect Woman Goals going on, doing the daily checklist, then found something called Flylady and am doing that. Various family members look 'down' on me for needing a list to get things done, but I seriously think I have ADD, adult version. (I go from cabaña boy to cabaña boy). The list and 'Fly'ing helps keeps me focused. After my cleaning routines were in place and a habit, I worked on my PWGs schedule. I wrote out a perfect day, like 4:30am, Wake up and drink coffee, 5:00am-work out with Bodies in Motion on FitTv. After that is breakfast, shower, hair and makeup, cleaning, running for an hour, (working on this one, it's only 30 minutes so far), rinse off, errands, lunch, cleaning, dinner, family time. The whole time frame is geared to where no one can give me that "You're dog poo," look and say, "*I* was up at 4:30," which to me implies that whoever wasn't up at that time is a lazy slug not worth their food. It also doesn't allow the Child's schoolwork to fall through the cracks. I hate being reminded about things that I've forgotten, makes me feel like a 'bad mom'. A 'good' parent doesn't forget permission slips and school picture money payments, now DO they.
Let's get on to the food, exercise, and weight part. Gag. I'm still working on the pond area from last summer, sort of. Now, it's mostly planting, putting in a flowerbed border, and finishing up the stone patio. Hubby was the one to do the patio this summer, but the Army decided he needed a Kuwait vacation. Since then, I've been mowing since last summer, and then have painted the interior of our home. Two rooms and a couple of foyers down, three rooms to go. Between those two activities, I can run 2 miles in 24 minutes and bench press 180lbs. I was surprised by the 2 miles thing, and blown away by the 180. I'd hoped for 1 mile and 150. The food has been good and bad. When it's good, it's very good, when it's bad, it's awful. It's a constant struggle. I'm afraid of eating, but once I start, I'm so hungry I just eat and eat. Also, I couldn't purge because my capillaries around my eyes burst and look awful. Don't know how bulimics do it, I just think about barfing and my eyes puff. Thus, food is the enemy, a necessary evil. I'm starting a healthy/low cal way of eating that I'm hoping will take.
I log my food and activities every day in DP. I don't have to go online to do this, and it allows me a calorie bank. That's good if I have 'cals' in the bank, bad if I've gone over. I try to 'earn' my food every day by if I go over my budget of 1300, I have to work off the excess. One snack of 100 calories or less is allowed, but that's it. To me, 1300 is a lot, since I spent most of the first of the year trying to keep my calories at 800, but even with that, I've not lost anything, so if I can eat 1300 without gaining.... It'll keep me from binges, at least. I did pretty good right up until after dinner, keeping the calories at 500 for the day, but then at 10:00pm, I'd get so hungry my stomach would hurt. When I was a kid, I could eat everything I wanted and never gain. I'm still a little that way, but I also never lose. If working out every morning and running 30 minutes to an hour three times a week while limiting my calories to 1300 or lower doesn't work... I suppose working out twice a day, running even more, and cutting down the calories further? I don't know, this will just have to work.
Enough. I need to work on decluttering the Child's room. She has every toy she's ever owned in her nearly 9 years of life. I put so much work into hauling bags of pebbles and sand (5 50lbs bags) and 6 flat rocks, then placing them in the patio, that I'm feeling very lazy! One energy drink and I'll be back 'in', I'm sure.

Tuesday , June 29th 2004
Official counts:
160lbs
1396 cals in-26% Fat, 28% Protein, 45% Carbs
127 cals out
Ok, I did it. I signed on for another year. I like reading some of the journals and living vicariously, I suppose.
So anyway, went crazy over the weekend, meaning if I was hungry, really tummy growling hungry, I ate. Usually, I just think to The Gut, "You had the meal less than three hours ago, knock off the "I'm starving," routine." Yeah, it's strange, but it's mind over matter, my mind's trying to control my matter.
A thing to be proud of: Every weekday since June 21st, I've woke up at 4:30am, had some coffee, then worked out to Bodies in Motion on FitTv. This is a major thing, since I'm a night owl from birth.
Is it just me or does anyone else see a problem with fast food joints taking credit cards? I know, it's for the debit card people, but still... the potential for food abuse/credit abuse is there. Maybe Michael Moore will do a movie called Bankrupt for Big Macs.
Have to admit, when I do go over or eat something not on my daily menu, I feel bad. Like breaking a promise to myself. Also, it's disgusting, like I have no control over my appetite. Which I probably don't. I can tell, though, that my appetites have changed. I feel better when hungry or a little hungry, than I do when full or nearly over full. A very good development.
The female stuff started today, which is why I had the carbo-cravings like mad and haven't been motivated to clean house beyond the dishes/bedmaking/ general pickup stuff chores today. It's 9, which is bedtime if I want to wake up at 4:30.

Wednesday, June 30th 2004
Today, kids, we discuss the brain and how sometimes it wants to secede from the union. Yep, it's a migraine day. Even so, I did my wake up at 4:30, then worked out at 5:00am. I'm so thrilled with myself for keeping this going. Even if I do nothing else, I've done that.
So it's been a lazy day. There's been a slight load of laundry done, some dishes, and I fixed all three meals for myself. Between the phone ringing and the doorbell ringing, no constant naps were taken. I did nod off due to the migraine meds, and need to run off to bed now. One, because I want 4:30 to be an easy wake up, and two, because I have a bad case of the munchies.
the counts:
160lbs
1320 cals in (270 worth of animal crackers, I had a sugar craving)
127 cals out
budget was a net of 1323
I'm hoping I have more motivation to do more. Right now, it's just not there.

Wednesday, July 14th 2004
What was I saying??? I have no idea. Also, don't know how the time flew.
Ok, I've been doing well, even though I've not logged stuff in CK but in DP instead. Average calories for June was 1783(!!!!) in, which can't be right, but probably is. There was a chicken fried steak in there, plus some sweets, ice cream, all that. I'm doing good, currently, though. The main thing is that this is week four of waking up at 4:30am, working out at 5:00am, then running on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. There's some tweaks, like this week, I couldn't sleep until midnight last night, so I woke up at 4:30, but then passed out, and did the workout at 9:00am instead. Plus, I didn't run on Monday. I had to wait around for the exterminator to call, and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was too hot and tired from cleaning out the basement. It's a cat hair-infested pit down there, and all I wanted to do after 6pm was shower, eat a little dinner (carefully measured Chinese take out) and watch Law & Order SVU before bed.
So on Monday, I was 155, which is a new low this month. There was a Chinese food sale at the local grocery, so I knew that Tuesday would show the soy water weight gain, and sure enough. 158. Then, after eating Chinese food Tuesday, I wasn't expecting much today, but came in at 157. Exactly the same as I was a year ago. Considering that last month's average calories were 500 above what they should have been, I'm happy about the 157. Could be better, but has been worse.
This week and next are going to be good calorie burning weeks. I really must get a few more rooms painted before hubby comes home for a visit in August (yay!!!). Plus, now that we're entering the hot/dry part of summer, finally, I can do a close mowing and be done with that for several weeks at a time. During the spring, I was mowing twice a week, which was great, since it's not a self-propelled mower. With the slight hills and size of the yard, it keeps my heart rate in the 60% range for at least 90 minutes.
Yesterday at the gym was way cool. I'm going back to the gym, finally, to time my two mile runs and to keep me honest on increasing time and distance. I can do a two mile run in 22:00. Yay! When I started running again, a year ago, two miles in 30 minutes was an accomplishment, and usually, I only did a mile or a mile and a half. Ok, so it's not a whole lot, an 11 minute mile, not to the guys at Runner's World, but considering my lack of endurance, it's great to me.
Well, now I need to see how much damage the Awesome Appetizer at the Rainforest Cafe did to me. I'd had no breakfast, and am still way too full to have dinner and it's after 5:00. Usually I don't do the one meal a day thing, but had a doctor's appointment an hour and a half from my home. I'd rather skip than do anything to replace a meal. At one point, I had a whole crowd of kids around my table, since I was in front of the elephants. (that's not good, now that I think about it) Had to put down the chicken strip because I felt icky eating in front of them. After the elephants quit moving and the kids dispersed, then I started chowing down again. So much for that 'out of the traffic' table I'd asked for and not got. Bleh. Adopting the motto of "Thou shalt not masticate in public" would be very helpful to my daily calorie count. Oh, and THEN, my name was wrong in the B. Dalton's database. It was "Larda,” my pet name for myself when I don't want to go any more on the treadmill (usually after 2 minutes I want to quit, then don't if I wait until 5). Sometimes I'll think, "Oh, go ahead, eat that cookie, LAR-DA. Just don't whine if you can't wear clothes and breathe at the same time."
I'm kinda thrilled, tomorrow is a run and weight lift day! Yeah, I'll do the Bodies in Motion, just like always, on the weekday mornings, and then do the run and lift part at the gym on MWF's or in this case TTHSat's. Since yesterday was a beat the clock run, tomorrow's is going to be a how far can you go in 30 minutes without stopping or slowing. I didn't weightlift yesterday, since I knew I'd be carrying a small steam cleaner up and down stairs, plus moving heavy stuff. Tomorrow, though, I'm kicking butt. Maybe. I mean, I have three bookshelves to move down two floors, four or five boxes of books to move with them, then I need to move a small fridge up a flight of stairs. All of a sudden, I feel like taking a nap.....

Friday , July 16th 2004
Someone get a cattle prod, because I really need the boost.
Check in day today, of course, and am I at my weekly low? Of course not. I've been as low as 155 this week, but on Friday, of course I'm at 157.
I pigged out yesterday, but was so hungry in a tummy hurting and growling sort of way. I also didn't do my 5:00am workout but have a good reason (if that's possible, I'm not sure it is). 'Something' woke me up at 2:45am, and I went to check the television, seeing lightening outside. I was a bit surprised to see my county in a tornado warning, since the sirens weren't sounding. They did, about 30 minutes later, then again 30 minutes after that. By the time 5:00am rolled around, I was too concerned about the 90mph winds and potential for golf ball sized hail to change the channel from local news.
So was it an excuse to miss the 9am workout that I could have made up? Was I being a weasel? I don't know, because I'm feeling seriously weary. Yeah, there was a bit of a nap between 6 and 8:30 this morning. That makes about 6 and a half hours of sleep.
Otherwise, I've done the 5 am or 9am workout Monday thru Thursday as planned, did the running two miles on Tuesday and Thursday, with Thursday's being 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. Neither time did I have to stop to catch my breath, something that's a really positive development.
Yesterday, I binged big time on cheesecake, and you know, it wasn't as good as I'd thought it would be. I'm seriously going to reconsider just how much I want it the next time a craving comes up. The PB&J sandwich for breakfast this morning was a lot more satisfying. Usually, I have an egg with toast and 4 oz of orange juice, but hadn't done dishes last night and was too lazy to do so this morning. Maybe I'll just goof off this morning, then hit housecleaning hard this afternoon. I still have some heavy objects to move around the house, a small fridge to move upstairs and three tall bookcases two floors down to the basement.
I'm so sleepy! Think I'll take some pep me up vitamins and nap until they take effect.

Saturday , July 17th 2004
Yay!
The office computer desk I wanted thrown out is dismantled and awaiting bulky item pickup day. Not a big deal unless you consider that I had to haul it downstairs to the garage. Then, I took the tall bookcase out of the foyer and put it in the basement, then filled it up with books. Then, I carried the small fridge up the stairs.
There's a lot more to do, but the heavy stuff is done for now.
I've been binging on sugar free popsicles. It's ok, unless you eat 5 in one day. Ooops. I suppose that's better than the Olive Garden and all you can eat fettuccini alfredo...
I *ought* to go run my usual two miles, but would really rather spend the time either cleaning house or mowing the lawn. It's going to take 90 minutes at a minimum and gets my heart rate up to 65%.
The weight is good, it's at 155, which is a loss. That's so cool.

Sunday , July 18th 2004
I love it when I get things accomplished. The front and back yards are mowed, and what I'd really like to do is get a new weed trimmer, one that will help me get the job done. Currently, the string breaks on the old one so often that most of the time is spent fixing it instead of trimming.
Hubby's coming home!!! The General signed off on his R & R, he even went to Camp Dojah (Dough-ha) to be briefed on how to come home. LOL! He's currently at Camp Arifjan, and has been for the past 9 months. The house and surrounding yard isn't perfect, but I'm sure it'll look perfect to him. Part of it is getting that little fridge I mentioned yesterday full of his favorite drink. I have just barely a month to get everything done, and if I kick it, I can probably get one large, one medium, and two small rooms painted in here, just in time for him to come home. My sister is having surgery on the 28th, so I'd like to get it done, or be done with some of it, by the 25th.
There's some light cleaning to be done around here before I can knock off for the evening, plus I want to be in bed by 9:00 for the 4:30 wake up. I so want to go to Red Lobster for one of their low carb dinners, since I have some protein to make up for today. The budget is about 1300, I've burned up 449 just by mowing, have eaten or drunk 789 calories, so there's a leftover of 900 calories. I'd like to build up my calorie bank, of course, for the Outback, Rainforest Cafe, Tequila Harry's, and Jade Garden, all of which we'll probably go to for hubby's sake. They have a chow hall over there, even had steak and lobster for Independence Day, but still, over here, it's reasonably fresh. Of course, I'm going to be careful and count the calories, but it'd be nice to have a build up so that I don't freak when I go over.
Ok, I'm starving. Better go because not only that, but I'm also very sleepy and want to get a few things done before bedtime.

Friday , July 23rd 2004
This is the week where my stomach is a bottomless pit and every molecule of water I take in stays in. So, 158 is my new 'fat' weight. Next month, I'm hoping 155 will be. I've learned that just because I watch what I eat and exercise, it doesn't mean I'll lose weight.
I care, but I'm tired of caring. I'm sick to death of juggling calories, carbs, and proteins and feeling guilty over every bite I take. For this, I've set up a weekly menu that lists what to eat and when, just so there's no guesswork. I'm just going to eat whatever I want with the rule that the portions must be small enough that I'm almost full when the meal is done. Another rule is the NO food after dinner one. Absolutely none. I do good right up until 8:00pm and get really hungry for a snack. Three or four 'lite' popsicles later....
On the exercise front, I'm good AND bad. Have been doing the 5:00am workout 5 days out of 7, which is the goal. But, since this is the week of massive water. I'm not running and don't have the energy to. Isn't that awful? I did run a mile on Tuesday, and that was hard to get through. It could be, too, that it's so hot and humid here, running is tough to 'push' through. Since I've not done that, carrying tubs of sorted toys and other bulky items around the house has had to substitute for gym time. This is great and much more productive than gym time.
Speaking of time, I have a laundry list of things to get done today, and journaling isn't getting them done.

Saturday , July 31st 2004
You'd think with DSL I'd be journaling up a storm, but no. My sister is in the hospital, now has a fever, plus with hubby coming home in nearly two weeks, I've been busy running around. Household improvement professionals have been trooping through for estimates, the parents visited for a couple of days, my child is back home from her grandparents, so we're all trying to get it together.
I've still been working out most mornings at 5am. My goal is 5 days a week, no matter what days those are. Probably once school starts, I'll make the gym a habit, too. It's easier when the child is in school.
The eating has been up, just because I can. That's gotta stop, though. I've made a menu for the next three weeks and it'll rotate. If I stick to that and keep the eating out to the barest minimum, I'll be fine. Eating out gets me because I can't count or control the calories like when I cook at home. I've made healthy choices whenever possible, like potato and salad at Wendy's instead of burger and fries. There was some soft serve ice cream yesterday, but no donuts for breakfast. I do the treat thing once every other day or so and am trying to get rid of it entirely.
30 minutes three times a day is doing wonders for my figure. I've not lost a lot in weight or inches, but look thinner, so go figure. I feel more toned, at any rate. The sister's health problems have been so stressful for me that I've been sleeping in until 6:30-7:00 some days instead of eating. I'm not happy about that, would rather do neither, but something had to give. Better to work out at 9 and no eat instead of 5 and eat myself awake.

Thursday , August 5th 2004
Whew! Today I have a day off. This week, we've been running back and forth to my sister's house during the day. She'd had surgery a week ago, is getting around fine, but I like to be there just in case. Her house is fun for my kid, my sis's roommate's kid has internet, television, everything in her room. Both kids are best friends.
I had fun cleaning the fridge and pantry. They have tons more snack food than I do. They don't eat leftovers and eat out a lot. We're just the opposite. Pretzels, sugar free Jell-O, and dried fruit are the closest to junk food we have.

My mom and dad think I've lost weight!! I've not at all, and don't think I've lost inches. Whatever weight I've might have lost, isn't really weight but water weight from that monthly stuff. But still, I didn't ask them if they thought I'd lost, because I hadn't. Mom just volunteered the question. My thoughts are, even if I never lose another pound, as long as my food intake is 'clean', I work out 5 days a week for 30 minutes with FitTV, and have a running goal, I'll be fine. Currently, my running goal is 2 miles in 11 minutes, with it ultimately 2 in 8 or 9. After that, I'd like to work on distance, with an ultimate goal of running 5 miles at a time. Once the ultimatums are hit, of course, I'll up it while setting up intermediate goals, too. Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to a day at home today. Sis doesn't need me to babysit her today. So, I'm really wanting to get caught up on housework. Most of the yard work is done, thanks to yesterday evening's mowing. I'd overslept on the 5am thing, so mowed for an hour instead. The mower is gas, of course, but not self-propelled, so my heart rate is about 120-130 bpm the whole time. When I run, it's 130-140, with 150 being too much. At that, I feel like I can't breathe enough.

Monday , November 15th 2004
You know, I did the six meals a day thing, the three meals a day thing, all that, with total calories being 1200 a day. All with the same results, nothing. So I'm cutting down on the eating times to see if that helps. Yesterday I didn't eat until nearly 3pm, today, it's going to be 1pm. I usually only workout 30 minutes in the morning, which isn't nearly enough, so I'm going to need to start my running program again. No food after 7pm, only because 6pm is usually our dinner time. Main thing is, NOTHING after dinner, not a bite. Hubby comes home from Kuwait in 23 days!!! He'll not be 'home' home, but in the States, at least. Emails will be tougher for him to send, but it'll be easier for him to call. That's cool.

Jeeze, did I die or something????

Ok, 2004 was almost perfect, other than Hubby was in Kuwait. While he was gone, I had these wonderful routines that I adhered to like a booger on a kleenex. Once he came back, they all went out the window. I blame the shuffling of responsibilities of his homecoming. He needs to feel useful and needed without becoming the pack horse of the family. Tough balancing act, indeed.

Rant of the day: LOOSE and LOSE are two different words with two different meanings. If you're (NOT YOUR) too ignorant to know the difference, STOP POSTING IN MESSAGE FORUMS. Don't be a dumbass, ok?

Thanks.

Let's see. What was done in 2004? Painted upstairs and most of downstairs, redid the ponds' and stream's liner, kept the lawn mowed much better than now, woke up at 4:30am every morning as a 'kiss my honky ass' to those better-than-thous who say "I get to work at 6am, so I'm much better than you ever will be." But I'm not bitter. I really should have kept up the blog better, then I could look and see that I did get a lot more done than I'm giving myself credit for.

I'm rather sick today, just a little fever with a headache. Makes me double sleepy. I'm going to update my template a little, allow comments (oh joy), then post another entry later. There's knitting classes and projects, marathon training, and goals for my 40th year of life.

Religion and Politics Suck Eggs

Good Lord, it's been over a year and no one noticed I was gone?

Another year older, another year crankier. I could understand the nation stupidly voting for Baby Bush the first time. Another cool father-son team and all that. But after he managed to get us into a war where the average age of those killed is 25? In a war begun under false pretenses? Oh yeah, THOSE wmds. Der! Forgot about them.... Ooopsie. Never mind that one radical guy...remember something about that collapsing buildings thing in New York? Gosh, now WHO was that guy who masterminded that? Oh well, as long as we make money from oil and liquidating Social Security, who gives a rat's ass??

I warned you. Crankier. I've found that everyone who's for Bush either was told to vote for him by their Church, OR are too chicken poop to have actually signed up to go over and fight in the 'holy' war. Let's use our guns on animals only, since, of course, they can't and don't shoot back. Heaven forbid someone who actually is IN the NRA or GOP signs up for the service or gets their own children to. Gee, THAT'S dangerous. Better to let someone else die. Who cares about the casualties as long as you don't know them, right?

Before you get all wrapped around the axil, my husband was deployed. Yes, I've actually had to worry about someone close to me never coming home because Bush and his friends need more wealth. It wasn't ok for Iraq to take over Kuwait for their oil, but it's ok for us to take over Iraq for theirs. Um, right. Currently, my brother in law is over there, being mortared. It's scary, getting an email from a spouse and not knowing if it's the last you'll ever hear from them.

The people who support the war, think we did the right thing and say they support the troops are often the same people who slap a yellow magnet on their car and think that's enough. Some of those guys sent over, most, actually, are reservists who make much more money in the civilian world. THEIR wives and husbands can't afford now to send them any sort of a care package, so, they get nothing. Hey, Bush supporters got their tax increase, right? I don't think that increase will be enough to bury the dead soldier or be enough to support the maimed soldier's family once they return.

I just hate it that those who want to keep their guns don't have the balls to put their money where their over-used mouths are and enlist. You support the war? Prove it. Enlist. Get your children to enlist if you think this war is worth it. My husband signed up to defend our country, NOT to force other nations into our form of government. Enforcing freedom sometimes means letting others be free enough to choose their own way of life. I'm thinking that probably the Iraqis who didn't want to live under Saddam's reign, probably moved elsewhere. He's a bad man who did terrible things, but then, there's been a lot of them in the world and we either ignored them or gave them money because they killed their own people but supported our position at the time.

In the "Good Christian files: On the Today show, there were wives talking about how they'd cheated on their husbands. One wife, wearing a big honkin' cross, shared with the nation how she cheated. Um, yeah. You're a 'good' Christian? If that were me, I don't think I'd be bringing down my religion by advertising that I'm an adultering, hypocritical Christian. "Whoo hoo! Look at me! I cheated on my husband but that's ok, because I'm a CHRISTIAN. I can do anything as long as I go to church every Sunday. I'm so much better than you!"

Christ said "He who looks at another woman with lust in his eyes has already commited adultry." We'll assume that men and women being almost equal, that the 'Christian' chick blew out one of the commandments. You can't say, oh, goofing THAT one up is ok, then turn right around and say, but murder is bad. Christians aren't supposed to allow the wiggle room in that, you know. That's why Catholics aren't 'real' Christians, even though Peter and Paul (two of Jesus's disciples, remember?) started the Catholic church. If the Bible says it, you MUST believe it. Unless, of course, it's in the Old Testament because Jesus changed all that. Or so I've been told by the 'true' Christans. I'm Catholic, so every Christan belonging to the churches after the Catholic one is certain I'm hell-bound.

Me, personally, with all sarcasm aside, we should have had a lot more world consensus on the war. They're UNITED Nations for a reason, not a cool club to belong to unless they tell us no. The least we could have done was listen to why they thought the idea was crap. I personally also don't believe that anyone can truly say they have the answers to God, the Universe, and everything, unless they've actually been dead. Sorry, but unless that happens, I can't believe you're 100% correct about the whole messiah thing. For every Jesus, there's been a billion Koreshs. What if Koresh had been Jesus come back and the ATF wiped him out? Sheesh! About politics, Republicans steal it from you, then the Democrats give it away. Neither side is 100% right, neither is 100% wrong. Something about being in the middle, moderation, maybe....THAT is good, I'm thinking. Ooo, common sense, thinking about things instead of blinding following the rhetoric of the moment...now that's not something you see every day.

Did I write anything yesterday??? Gads! That infantile senility is the pits. Icky news first, Hubby is going to Kuwait proper on Saturday. The good thing about it is the 365 countdown starts on Sunday or Monday, whenever he reports in.

So tired! Last night, I stayed up until 1:30am, woke up the child, then we parked in a dark place and watched the meteor shower. Very cool and the kid really had fun. Of course we took the converible and cranked up the heater once the top was down. We saw about 15 in the hour we were there. The event wasn't as much as I'd hoped, but was a good chance to point out a few constellations to the small fry.

Had the Jeep's door fixed again. He didn't charge me, thank goodness. Nor did we get to talk about hubby's old ways. Good thing, because the weight was up to 155 today. Probably due to the Diet Pepsi I scarfed down last night. I don't know how true addicts kick drugs, I can't even kick soda.

There's more, I know, but I'm so sleepy, tired, and want to work on a commissioned afghan before bedtime. Looking forward to tomorrow's workout, so hoping a migraine doesn't hit because one is due. Also, I had a bit of a headache at the American Legion meeting tonight.

Also had a bit of Sonic food and thought I'd blown the whole day's work, but didn't. I even have enough left to have a snack! Yay because I'm feral hungry right now. There's tons of food here, a lot of leftovers from the past two days CK foods. Plus, grapes and oranges. Yum. I'll have to see what 325 calories will buy me around here.

I wanted to run today, really, I did. But after Monday's run, there's not a jogging bra tight enough to make me feel secure. Talk about pain! Monday's run was painful, sure, but I thought "Endure, endure," the whole time. Tenderness is all part of the PMS joy that is mine. Bleh.

So instead, I 'took the stairs'. Stairclimber at resistance 8 for 30 minutes. Had to bump it down for 10 minutes to 6-7 minutes due to the high heart rate. I'm thinking it was because I'd skipped breakfast and workout time was 11:00pm. Lack of water, too. I'd had two cups of coffee and nothing else. The cool thing is, I benched 90lbs for 15 reps. :D I'd wanted to do another 5, but could only manage 3 more. The bicep curls and tricep extensions were harsh, too. I'd enter in the reps and everything in the My Exercise thing, but it doesn't allow for weight. 3X5 isn't nearly as impressive at 5lbs as it is at 50lbs.

I'm an extremely lucky person. Yesterday, the child and I were invited to two different Christmas parties, one with the Army Reserve, the other with Hubby's co-workers. Plus, I'd been asked a week ago if I'd help with V's school's holiday shop. It's so cute, all the kids come in with money to buy gifts for family members. As a volunteer, I'd help the kids keep to their budget, and help them pick the best gifts. I think this year, since we're doing so well financially (relatively speaking and without lottery winnings), I'm bringing a few extra bucks just in case the kindergarteners aren't prepaired. They usually aren't, and that's fine. By the first grade, they know what's up. :)

Another reason why I'm lucky is that the people at the library loved my class and think I'm good. That'll help with the future knitting classes. The more people that sign up, the more classes we will need and the more work I have. :) I'm hoping something I said was taken the right way...One of the students had a really tough time learning and I had a tough time teaching. I'd told her that it's like Algebra, sometimes it takes a different way of teaching for the lesson to be learned. Thankfully, the lady had a tough time with Algebra herself and knew what I was talking about.

Haven't heard from my guy today, but expected that. He said they'd be running around this week. They're to possibly ship over the 24th (I may have written this before). I bought an extra can of cranberry jelly. Isn't that funny, how I have all these homemade cranberry relish recipes and he'd rather have the Ocean Spray canned stuff? Same with TV dinners. My family comes over wanting gourmet food and he'd rather have TV dinners. They don't expect gourmet, but will scarf it down and lick the plates. :) Not bad, considering how I held the title of Worst Cook in the Family for decades.

Leonid meteor shower tonight!! I've promised to wake up the child to see shooting stars. We'll have to find somewhere unpolluted with light. Where, I don't know. Plus, if you could tune in at 67.5 Mgz, you could 'hear' them.

Must clean house, do dishes, all that. After working out, plus the class, I'm pooped. We did a bit of grocery shopping tonight, too. I absolutely hate it when people don't pay attention to where their carts go. If one more person nearly hits or hits my child with those things, I'm going postal on them. Seriously. She's a child, they're adults. If they can't watch what they're doing, they have no business being allowed in public. She shouldn't have to live in fear of getting slammed by one of them, she should be the one running amok. The kid is such a joy, is so well mannered, that for people to be so careless around her ticks me off to no end. I'd like to throttle them. >:|

Ok, back to happy. Especially since I'll be reading the Adventures of Super Diaper Baby. When I was last at the School's library, I checked out 4 kid books for fun. One of my guilty pleasures is reading kid's books. Besides, how could a person resist reading "The Chicken Gave it to Me"?

Workout was great, if brief, yesterday. Food was ok, considering. I'd had one of those Halloween packs of Teddy Grahams for breakfast, to keep myself out of the ice cream (it worked), then was stuck at the bank during the lunch hour. After that was getting the Jeep fixed. The bank is in a grocery store, and the deli had a chinese food special. Good for me that I ate it there. With to go, they give you more food. :) Less is more. I had a little bit of diet soda (considering), then snacked a little on ice cream (a quarter cup) in the evening. I need to add that to the calorie list.

Ran a mile at 5.5mph, yesterday, plus benched 80lbs 15 times. The ultimate goal is running 3 miles at 7.5 and benching 95 for 20 times. It's a German Army PT contest that Ft. Leavenworth has every year. I can't enter, of course, not being active duty, but it's something my hubby and I can do 'together'. We can compare notes and progress, essentially being a fan of each other.

Speaking of hubby and fanship AND weight....Our mechanic is a high school friend of my hubby, so I 'get' to hear all these bad boy stories about him. Yay. Stories about the German cathouse girls knowing him by name bothered me, as did the fact that his 'first' love and girlfriend looked like a model. (hubby's friend's words)

Begin Dark Psyche part

Now, logically, I know that while stationed in Germany, hubby was single and hadn't even met me. That being true, I also know that he has enough pride to not pay for 'it'. Finally, he's pretty cheap. He'll spend big bucks on quality while skimping on the transitory. Like, live in a mansion and drive a junker. His best friend being a mechanic helps, believe me. :D

Anyway, even though it happened 16 years ago, and husband 2 is nowhere the pond scum husband 1 was...husband 1 slept with paid chicks several times and told me they were worth the money. I'm always surprised by my pictures from that time frame. The younger me was gorgeous, thin, and just cute in general. I remember always feeling so fat, ugly, and plain in personality. Funny what brainwashing can do, huh? After 16 years, am I over it? My icky feelings yesterday when Bill said hubby was on a first name bases with the hired help made me think I had issues. Today, though, I think it's more of after having eaten something bad (like raw liver) I remember the taste and still shudder from it. I think I'm over it, just haven't forgotten how horrible it felt during that time.

Now, I don't know about you gals, but to hear that a former girlfriend looks like a model while you feel anything but, is tough. Using logic again, they dated two years, we've been married for ten. She and he weren't suited, didn't have the same life goals, while he and I infinitely do. At the same time, he hasn't seen her since she was 19, while he's seen me at 38. (gasp! my age always shocks me) Yeah, I looked great at 19, too, but the last time he saw me, I didn't look that good. I remember thinking 120lbs was fat, now I'm thinking I'll be emaciated at 130.

I'm babbling. The comment just pings that 'you're fat' feeling. Plus, there's no way I could be as skinny as a model, even if I wanted to. I need my muscle, otherwise, my metabolism makes turtles look like they're on speed. I can't eat low enough to get skinny, either. The low blood sugar gives me headaches, I lose concentration, and get very cranky. Plus, I flat out don't have the will power. Should I admit my loss of control sometimes? When I'm super hungry, it's like I'm feral and blind to common sense. Must. Have. Food.

End of Dark Psyche

Need to call the bank and see what's up with the lost paperwork. Also need to reply to emails. :)

Note to NBC: When the country is at war, another country has nukes and says whatcha gonna do about it...Don't break into programming to announce that one state has ruled in favor of same sex marriage. It's like running the Civil Defense sirens over a rainstorm. The ruling is a momentous event in civil liberties, not civil defense.

It could be just me, growing up in a time where those tests of the American Broadcast System was something that made you think WWIII had finally begun.

Gotta love PMS. Makes a gal take everything personally. A leaf falls off the tree outside, and I'm there asking "What? You don't like me anymore?"

Oh Lordy. I've turned back into a teenager...OMG! He, like, SO called!!! Isn't THAT a hoot from a coot? :D

(coot = old person for you non-southerners)

I love watching the British House of Commons on CSPAN. Always feel like yelling "Fight, fight, fight!"

So anyway, hubby is fine, lonely, spending at Walmart. :D So cute. The little ole gal driving them (he and the Master Sargent) around is 20 yrs old. I LOLed because I have jeans in my closet older than her. Seriously. It's a goal of mine to wear them before my 40th birthday.

The little ole gal was born in '83, the year I graduated so, yeah, I'm old enough to be her mother.

Sigh. I forget that I'm that old. Here I go, bee bopping through life, and something will remind me that I'm nearing 40. I'll think, "No way!", then of course, "Way!" because I AM that old. :D

Ok, I'm hubby-less and child-less on a Saturday night and what thrills do I seek? Well, as I was driving home with new yarn store yarn, a large diet soda and burger from Wendy's, and a batch of borrowed DVD's, I'd realized that my life has become a lot less beer and guy soaked in the past 10-11 years. Heh heh. That's good, though. The only thing worse than being 38 and acting 28 is being 38 and acting 18. At some point you have to put self-destructive behavior behind you and begin damage control.

Speaking of which, I did ask for the small fries, but since I'd wanted the biggie diet soda, I got the biggie fries. There's no way I'm throwing away food unless it's evolving into a lab experiment. That's why I'd asked for small specifically. The Wendy's down the road ALWAYS screws it up. Mc D's isn't much better and Wendy's is tastier anyway.

Exercise today was cleaning house. Putting away laundry requires going up and down stairs, so that counts for something. My weight today was a shocking 152. Shocking after a couple of 157's last week. I'm getting to where I do care about weight, but more about muscle and getting trimmed.

Food is still a struggle. I'm going to have to work on it more...

http://www.theonion.com/3944/news3.html

Freakin' funny, that.


What makes an interesting journal? Is it gratuitous sex and violence? Teenager syle anquish? Illicit activities? Glorious triumps? Social commentary? With that leads to outrageous political, religious, financial opinions. Are these what makes for good reading? What about a good hook in the last paragraph, like, I've already found the solution to the problem, but I'm going to not tell you until tomorrow, so tune in then.

Ok, well, here's a controversial statement. I think the term Metrosexual is a load of crap. In MY day, men who used 'product' and spent tons of time on their appearance were called egotistical when they weren't called gay. They're trying to make it out to be an entirely new sexuality when it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with 'me me me'. Totally retarded. Besides, when I hear 'metrosexual', I think of buses or subways gettin' down with it. Don't think about straight guys getting facials, wearing silk, and suddenly camping their way through life.

The week in recap....Monday was orthodontist, my last visit. :D Tuesday was headache, Wednesday was classes taught, Thursday was web time and workout, Friday is library and lunch with child day. :D Tomorrow I don't know, while Sunday is pic up child from her auntie's.

Hubby called yesterday! So nice to hear his voice versus a telemarketer's. I love that man of mine.

Love the child. She and I went to the Olive Garden for dinner last night. One last 'eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we diet'. She is a wonderful dinner companion, very articulate and just funny. Such a charming little person

It's been ONE WEEK.

I so must update my calories. What a supreme bum.

Don't think I'll like today's Dr. Phil. Stay at home and out of the home moms are fighting about who's doing the best. Who's right? Heck, who knows? It's a choice that has to meet the needs of the child and parent.

I'm working out tomorrow, not today. It's too rainy, I'm cold, and tired from not sleeping last night.

Later: I'm right. The moms are pissing me off. What's this "You're a bad mom if you work." What about, "You're a bad DAD if you work." What about men who don't do a damned thing for their kids? Not that moms aren't important, but men need to step up and take responsibility for the sperm that took.

Let's see if this test works...

http://www.geocities.com/lauraks555/msandv.JPG







Obviously NOT. I suppose I'm going to have to pay to upload images to here, since I can't seem to pull them off my own website. Damn it all.

Hungry hungry hungry.

That eating thing I did last week spoiled me rotten. Now, my tummy actually THINKS it needs food. I knew I wasn't doing any favors to myself by eating too much.

Am I whining? Probably. I can deal with cutting out some of my favorite foods. After a while, I don't even miss them. But right now, sticking to or below 1200 calories in is tough. Tonight is pizza night and it's hard to wait. Since kid sister is coming over tonight to do laundry, I'm popping pizzas in the oven now. I've allowed myself half a pizza, it's already entered, but I'm also filling half a large plate with salad (minimal dressing). Usually, I eat off the smaller plates.

Ok, done with pizza. Very tasty and now it's Bonus Treks time.

Workout was good, I ran/walked for 30 minutes. The average speed was 4.7mph, a bit of a jog. I did happen to bump up the running to 7.5mph, just to see if I could do it, since it's a goal for later to run 3 miles at that rate. So far, it's 2.4 at 4.7, obviously. :)

I keep checking my emails, the answering machine, for word from hubby. Nada, and it's Friday, for crying out loud. He's in the States. If he were overseas, I'd understand not calling or emailing, but surely the others have lives that aren't being interrupted and can cut hubby loose enough to email.

I've noticed lately that I'm feeling 'harsh' towards myself. Like, when I read other people's web logs, I refrain (or want to) from giving pats on the back or encouragement. Why? Because I'm thinking they'll reply "So? Why should I give a rat's butt what YOU think?" I don't know why, but I keep thinking other's attitude towards me is probably a "YOU are talking to ME?", like I'm bothering them by exsisting and who am I to talk to them. Does that make sense? Have no idea why I'm suddenly feeling so insignificant, usually this is reserved for PMS and that type of moody body chemistry.

Could it be the lack of calories making me go stark raving mad??? Could it be I NEED a healthy slice of cheesecake??? I think not, but I like the idea. :D Most likely it's due to the lack of sleep since hubby left. With the car being cut into, plus our basement window screen being ripped away, I can't sleep with hubby being gone. We have an alarm system with a beep every time a door or window is opened, there's a couple of guns where I can get to them, plus as always 911 is on the speed dial, so we're not open to the world and waiting for robbery.

What does that have to do with diet and health? Cortisol from not sleeping leads to pot belly, something that I'm actually losing. While my weight hasn't changed from 155, I measured and I've lost nearly two inches in my tummy! Yay! My chest, measured under the armpits and above the bust, and my waist are the only two places that haven't lost. The chest has increased due to back and pectoral exercises, I'm sure. The waist being the same I can handle, just as long as the tummy is decreasing. That's what really makes me look fat. Other than the fat itself.

Taught my knitting class today. Everyone sort of knew the difference between a knit and a purl except one. Sheesh. It was tough to have patience, because when I wanted to pause and have her do some practice rows, she argued and complained that if she wasn't knitting the mitten like she wanted, she wasn't knitting at all. I'm like, you're trying to run when you don't know how to walk, for cryin out loud.

God, tomorrow, I've got to take the yowling cat back to the base at 11:20. Before that, I need to return the movies we checked out. Actually, I may just keep them and watch the unwatched one tomorrow night. It's only a dollar penalty for lateness, even at that, it's less than blockbuster's one rental.

Heard from my beloved. He misses us but managed to send a short and sweet email. I love that man. :) He's wonderful and I miss him like crazy. I really try not to think about him too much, or I just get sad and lonely.

I need to wrap this up. I'm starving!! Too much so to sleep, so I'll probably snack lightly then go to bed.

I miss him.

Hubby deployed today. It's only been one day, and already I'm counting down the 365 days his orders were cut for, plus the 2-3 weeks he'll be stateside getting weapons qualified. He's much more worried about his abilities than I am. He's freakin' amazing. Super efficient, super organized, just fantastic. The crazy thing is, he thinks just as much of me. Worships me like I worship him. Why? I don't know. I think I'm not worthy, hence the 'Perfection' blog of me trying to be a better person.

I did cry a lot (for me) at the airport. Already miss his skin and the warmth of his body. Got to hear his voice today when he called. Wonderful. :) Sometimes, I listen to his voice on his cell phone answering machine, just to hear it. I like how I sound when I'm leaving him a message. I recognize the sweetness in my voice as sincere love, since I sound like my sisters.

Talked to mom today and am SO HOPING they can come up for Christmas. I'd like a reason to decorate the house and am thinking about getting a webcam just so Hubby can see in on us. :) I think his birthday on Wednesday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas will be a wash, if only because we won't know where exactly to send gifts and turkey jerky. :D I should get his food dehydrator and whip up some dehydrated turkey, stuffing, and cranberries. }:D

We had seafood tonight, the Long John Silvers crabcakes were killing me. I ate all my dinner, which was too much. Actually, I don't like eating fast food or even eating out because I can't control the ingredients and food quality. The child and I had a treat tonight, but tomorrow, it's back to food as usual.

I'd like to resume this perfection thing, if only because I have 364+2-3 weeks to whip myself into shape. Both Hubby and I want to train for the German Army PT Test. At this point, I'd just like to pass the US Army PT test. My immediate goal is to run 2 miles in 18 minutes, a 9 minute mile. I can run 2 miles, but it's in 20-30 minutes. (how fast did I run that again??? can't remember) Also need to do 40 pushups in 2 minutes and 40 sit ups in 2 minutes. Pushups are improving, but the situps are a no-go due to lower back pain. I can, however, do 3 sets of 60 crunches. Hey, it's a baseline. :) Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym to get the stats on where I'm starting, then programming out goals from there. :)

I last did this in freakin AUGUST? Holy crap, a lot has happened.

Well, not a whole lot, just hubby is being deployed, my car was cut open, I rolled into a parked car with my hubby's car, an I had a bad pap come back. You know what I mean if you're female. The bad thing is doing without my love and best friend for over a year. Miss him already.

My new fat weight is 155. My size 9s fit good, snug but not tight, and I'm really feeling slim, even if I'm still heavier than I want to be. :)

Ug. PMS, new fat weight is 157. I hate this.

I'm in the process of a life makeover. I want to carve out a life plan complete with health, work, and family goals. When I've hammered out the game plan, I'll let you know. I want these goals to be realistic, measureable, and incremental.

Is perfection realistic? Sure! If it's your personal version of perfection. Is being 5'10" perfection for ME? No, because I'm 5'3". My goals will lead me to perfection on my own terms and in a day or two, I'm taking you along for the ride.

P.S.

The good thing is, my new 'fat day' weight is lower by 5 lbs. Now, when I'm fat, it's because I've hit 155-156. Down 4-5lbs since last month. I suppose SOME progress has been made.... all is not lost.

I suck. Not in a good way, either.

I've done nothing productive or good in the time since I last posted and it's been over a month. I really must get my act together. The only thing really swell I've done is dig a couple of ponds in the back yard. The whole thing is almost done, I just need to finish the border and plant a few things. It's so freakin' hot outside, though, that it's hard to get anything done.

I'm going to re-evaluate my goals, the list, everything. I'm extremely disappointed in myself.

Hi there! Still not doing the sweater a day, nor have I finished the treatment, yet, but as for everything else, I'm doing ok. The house is cluttered still, but clean, child and I have been swimming every day, and I've been sticking to my latest diet since Monday. Not a world record, I know, but good for me.


Let's see... anything scandalous or exciting? Not really. Went to Ft. Leavenworth last weekend and spent the night in a really nice suite thanks to husband being a Major in the Army. He's a reservist, so I'll forget how rank works sometimes. Whenever he goes on base or post, the enlisted guards salute him and I think that's so cool. I really admire and love the guy, and don't believe him for one second when he says he's average.


I'm scoping out some beautiful 'day in the life' entries over at Wordgoddess. Wow. Very inspiring. I really must do more with my life. I think tomorrow I'll put a day in the life in here since it's already 9am here and I want to get some things done.

Before I go, here's the stats:
Date Cals In Curr #'s %fat #'s Lost See below Basal
6/26/03 1384 164 6 126 1749
6/27/03 1690 163 7 154 1769
6/28/03 2450 164 6 223 1855
6/29/03 1184 164 34.4 6 108 1729
6/30/03 1179 165 5 107 1738
7/1/03 1126 160 34 10 102 1684
7/2/03 947 160 10 86 1666

On the see below: This is what I would weigh if I ate like that every day. If every day I had no more or less than 1126 calories, I'd weigh 102. It's good to see that even if I eat 1690, way over goal, it's still less than what I'd need to maintain 160, where I'm currently at.

Things to do today:
The tasks for today, 7-2.

Make beds, Pick up clothes
Yoga and Gym
Swim with child
Dust furniture
80 oz water
Vacuum
Vacuum chairs and room edges
Wash dishes, counter, microwave
Organize one thing in home
Hook up digital camera
Shower
Laundry
Sweep and clean outside
Knit
Write
Call Steph
Spend time with children or spouse or family member or good friend.
Read positive affirmations twice today.
Write down goals for life
Face and teeth

These are things for later as I can get to them:
The water main down in the basement
Basement
Clean out garage
Sweep garage
Flexible gas connectors
Ground-fault circuit interrupters
Clean freezer
Clean closets
Smoky chimney

Woo hooo!!! 160!! I've been here at 160 for a couple of days, but what with PMS, it's sure to drop in a week's time. :D Me very happy starvation paid off.

I've been keeping it low in the calories lately, at least below 1500 a day no matter what the workout. ;) It works.

Here is part of my calories and weight:
Dates Cals Weight Body fat lbs lost You ate enough to weigh this:
6/1/03 1153 164.5 5.5 105
6/2/03 1522 165 34.5 5 138
6/3/03 1483 163 7 135
6/4/03 2000 162 8 182
6/5/03 1100 163 7 100
6/6/03 2000 164 6 182
6/7/03 2000 165 5 182
6/8/03 2000 166 4 182
6/9/03 2000 166 4 182
6/10/03 1500 167 3 136
6/11/03 1014 164 34.5 6 92
6/12/03 1367 165 5 124
6/13/03 1180 165 5 107
6/14/03 1590 162 8 145
6/15/03 1840 162 34.5 8 167
6/16/03 1585 163 7 144
6/17/03 1080 162 34.3 8 98
6/18/03 1370 163 7 125
6/19/03 1540 160 34 10 140
6/20/03 1450 160 34.2 10 132
6/21/03 1810 161 34 9 165
6/22/03 1500 160 10 136
6/23/03 1560 160 10 142
6/24/03 1395 160 10 127

At this rate, I don't think I'll ever be Calista or Lara, but heck, I'll settle for NOT being Moby or Shamu.


Anyway, since I haven't updated in ages, I'll let you in on what's going on:

Friend is still paying back money owed.

Piano tuned and keys don't stick anymore. Very good.

We have a new DVD player in the bedroom and the movies are fun.

Brake light on car came on but with a bit of fluid, went back off. It freaked me out because I'm still having nightmares from when my brakes failed and I wrecked my car 20 years ago(!)

Doing very well on the housecleaning via The List and sticking to most of it.

I do tend to drop stuff and not work out when I either have a headache or a cold. Now, it's a cold and I'm praying the headache doesn't start tomorrow, because it's due.

Child and I have been swimming some afternoons. Husband has been Army duties this month but made time to give me 9 pink roses, one for each year we'd been married. He's such a catch, I adore him.

Started cleaning up my yarn room and realized I have way too much yarn. Gads! A major goal is to knit a sweater a day on the Bond knitting machine. I'm still working on my Dad's fish socks.

Downloaded tons of The Sims objects I'm finding in various places.

There's a ton of stuff I need to do, design my work website, finish a screenplay treatment and develop a few more ideas, get ready for the neighborhood garage sale (not gonna happen, sorry). Etc.

Not only are my child's dresser drawers done, but my bookcase for the vast fields of yarn stored in my basement office has been assembled. Tres cool and tres filled already.

We had the carpets professionally cleaned, cost a fortune but worth it. We need to have the air ducts cleaned since when I tried to vacuum up dust out of one of them, I retrieved huge chunks of wood. (huge meaning at least 2 square inches)

Here's my list to do for tomorrow:

„R Wash dishes, counter, microwave
„R Make beds, Pick up clothes
„R 80 oz water
„R Yoga and Gym
„R Clean oven, stove hood, and freezer
„R Replace vacuum bag and air filter
„R Organize one thing in home (today it was papers I tend to stack around, I don't know what tomorrow)
„R Fix broken window bars (only one window left to fix)
„R Clean out garage
„R Basement AKA hellhole
„R Sweep garage
„R Sweep and clean outside
„R Clean closets ƒn
„R Swim for 30 mins
„R Knit
„R Write
„R Face and teeth (wear the freakin' retainers!!!)
„R Take up a new exercise.
„R Find a new way to be more productive.
„R Write down goals for life

Let's see, there's more I didn't do than I did. Here's what I didn't get done.
Yoga
Workout Tape
Clean on part of the Basement
Wash Bed Sheets and Finish Laundry
Clean sinks and tubs, toilets and mirrors
Clear Papers in Kitchen
FINISH putting together Child's Dresser Drawers
Dust furniture
Vacuum
Write on the Australian screenplay, maybe come up with some new ideas
Knit on Dad's socks, maybe design new items
Face and teeth (I wear retainers and have oily skin. And I'm 38. It BITES)

I know. There's more that I did happen to do, though. :P I think one thing I must do is finish my Dr Phil's Life Matters book and get my act together.

Whew. Back down to 164 and falling. Did the holiday thing, ie, too much food, plus had pizza and chinese just yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to enter THIS one in. Tons of food.

School is almost out. I'm going to have to come up with things to do for the Small Fry that'll keep her active and entertained.

Gosh, nothing to write. Well, did go to lunch with the guys from State Street and Robb's family. I miss those guys.

I had a good time with the family over the holidays.

Came home to a messy house and promptly printed out a todo list. Barely did anything on it, but then, see above lunch. :) After that, working out, and running errands, I seriously only did dishes. Today will be better. If I work out, and I'd like to, I'll just do a tape here at home.

Here's today's things I'd love to do:
Yoga
Workout Tape
Clean on part of the Basement
Shower (I think this is a given)
Wax Eyebrows and Color Hair
Pick up clothes
Wash Bed Sheets and Finish Laundry
Clean sinks and tubs, toilets and mirrors
Clear Papers in Kitchen
FINISH putting together Child's Dresser Drawers
Dust furniture
Kitchen, dishes, counters, that sort of thing
Vacuum
Make beds
Write on the Australian screenplay, maybe come up with some new ideas
Knit on Dad's socks, maybe design new items
Face and teeth (I wear retainers and have oily skin. And I'm 38. It BITES)
Drink 80 oz water throughout the day

Doin' the bump, ow! Sexy Sexy!

Or not.

I was in a tizz this morning when bloating up to 167 on the scale, then just before showering, I jumped back on while nekkid and weighed two pounds less. So, I took that. :D

Hand still hurts, folded laundry, threw small dinner party for Sister's birthday. She's 35!! NO! She can't be that old! She's younger than MEEEE.

Mom and Dad's anniversary, today, (May 22), too. 39 years. Weird, I can't imagine being with MYSELF that long, much less someone else.

Oo oooh! I was buying some wine, the lady asked what year I was born and when I replied '65, she said "No! You can't be." It might have been a flattery thing, but I don't think she's that good an actor. Plus, I have good genes from my dad. Didn't get the skinny ones, but DID get the youthful :D I can diet easier than I can install cranes to keep my boobs on my chest.

I'm a class mom taking care of some of my child's classmates at the zoo tomorrow, plus, I need to pack for the weekend. Also working on a new chart in Excel that will keep track of my calorie intake.

Something that I really must do is read Self Matters by Dr. Phil and really nail down an action plan for my life. I'm not good with limbo and think I'm getting even lazier than before. I need to write down and solidify what it would take for me to truly be perfect. I know, not attainable, but still, I'd like to try to get close. It's kind of like lightspeed, you can't reach it, but you can get 99.999999999% there.

Worked out today, StairClimber for 20 mins, then ran 1/4 mile at 5 mph just for fun(!!!) Weird. Never did THAT before, but just wanted to. The bad hand (Still!!!) made Cobra pose in yoga and pushups (8) painful, so I left off with the other arm and chest exercises. I'd like for this to HEAL, thankyou! Didn't do the leg press due to the psoas muscle. I'll need it for the long trip tomorrow (it's a muscle you SIT on) and THAT'S the last muscle I want to irritate.

Neck muscles don't like crunches. Funny how they're sore but my abs aren't.

THIS is a hoot: http://rumandmonkey.com/news/

I love it.

So anyway, the only things I got done yesterday was the Nemesis (watched it, like it ok, cried when Data blew up), worked out.

Ohhhh, that's so bad. One thing that's really bothersome is my left hand. There's something major wrong with the thumb muscle. I can't even lift a glass of tea without it giving on me. Did last night's dishes this morning and ow. Gad, it hurts. I'm knitting like a fiend to get rid of this ick yarn that's probably the culprit in my painful hand thing. It's a hat, there's just a few yards left and it's OVER. bleh.

Good: Have stuck to the new diet so far today.

Bad: Haven't done anything around the house and it's 11:00am.

Things must do:

Get Nemesis since it's out today.
Work out at the gym.
Finish up the laundry.
Self-maintenance (I'm overdue for a grey touch-up and eyebrow trim.
Finish up the child's dresser drawers (there's tons of screwdriver work and it's cramping my hand!)

People are really starting to piss me off. Rude/aggressive drivers and telemarketers/salesmen. All I want to do is go from point A to point B without totalling my car and it seems others are damned and determined to wreck. Buttheads. Then, with all the salescalls and stuff, I'm like, no I don't want it, no, I don't want it, no, I don't want it. I'm going to have to start asking, did I call you? No? Then what makes you think I want this? Buttheads.

I'm trying to be positive. Not working. Maybe I need to double up on Zoloft.

Enduring "the View". Wouldn't you just HATE it if your name was synonomous with 'Blowjob' ala 'Monica'? Eeesh!

Wrapping up, going to Diaryland to post pms rants, then attacking the list.

Ok, updated at Diaryland first, plus I changed it to look like this. Still gave credit to this Andrew guy who designed the template. I love it, Andrew, so THANKS A LOT!!! Seriously. It's me and I love it.

Accidently learned some HTML while doing the conversion from Blog to DL. Just can't get away from computer conversions, can I? First from Mainframe to Client/server, then Client/server to distributed apps, then to webpage.

Sims Superstar is out today. It's a freakin' miracle I'm not playing it right now. I'm eating lunch, working out, THEN getting it. :D Actually, I should do dishes and start something in a crockpot because I know I'm going to be useless for the rest of the day. :D

Weight is down a pound to 164. Seriously considering laxatives but don't want to spend that much time on the loo.

Sounds a lot better than Crapper, huh?

Friends: Gotta Love Them

Howdy! It's 1:37 am here and I'm sleepy. The below is cut and pasted from my Diaryland entry. I'm a lazy person at heart (like you didn't know, right?) and don't want to type the same thing twice. Bad news, I'm up to 165lbs today. Don't know what the hell went wrong, how I can gain 4 lbs in two days. They were only TWO f*in' donuts.

On to the Diaryland entry:
Here I am.


You know, writing this stuff earlier in the day might be a better thing. That way, I can come up with spicy stuff. Yeah, fiction, but so what? Do you REALLY want to know about the crusty stuff in the bathtub that needs cleaning?


Didn't think so.


Anyone check out that Isabella V. runaway blog? It's fiction that's trying to pass as real. Much like a friend of mine. Ha.


Ok, there's a friend who owes me money. She's had it for a year, exactly $1500. Keeps saying she'll pay it back and we've had some financially crappy times where even $10 would have been a boon.


So I get an email last week from her saying she's sending something. I don't reply, not trying to be mean or because I'm angry, like she thinks. Just don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I suppose I could cut and paste the "Ok! That's great! Be sure not to send so much that it puts YOU in a bind," from all the emails I've sent that said that. There's been several.


I'd typed that "don't worry" crap last summer, then gone to steal money from my kid's piggy bank to buy toilet paper and food. I didn't like hearing about her driving a nicer car than I have (not hard to do, BTW) or about her going to Red Lobster and the movies when I'd not been to either in six months or more. Hell, McDonalds would have been a treat.


Things are extremely much better, now. Far far better and we're fantastic. It was only last summer that it was the total sh*ts around here. My sister would come over and complain about the heat and why didn't we turn on the air. Um, because we couldn't afford it, maybe? Child and I would go to Walmart just to walk around and enjoy the refrigerated air. I usually managed to scrape up enough to get her a slushie. Not every time, but sometimes.


Another one was the "Why don't you just move to a smaller house?" Probably because once we sold our home and gave every cent to pay it off, we'd STILL owe money. That leaves us living in a car and trust me, I'd rather skim by, bouncing as few checks as possible while trying to pay bills than live in my piece of crap car. ( Have to say stuff like that about my car. Every time I actually like my car, something falls off it or explodes. Seriously. I'm NOT kidding.)

So anyway, former best friend like a sister emails me today saying she really is sending the money and wants to patch things up. I haven't replied due to not knowing what to say that doesn't make me sound like a total bitch. I'm wanting to say, "Riiiight. I'll be here by the mailbox, WAITING." It's a joke around here, when she's 'sending' anything. I tell my husband, we laugh because we know it's not going to happen, then go on our way. Every once in a while, when he's really fretting over bills, he'll comment that it would be nice to get something. Then we laugh again like it would actually happen and go on our way.


I'd sent her the money because she needed it to get a car. No car, no job. No job, no home for her and her kid and I couldn't let that happen. Was I stupid? I didn't think so at the time, now I'm thinking "blithering idiot" when I like me, "f-ing mornon" when I don't.


I'm still not so sure I'd just let her and her kid starve. To do over, I'd probably write the check again. Give away the last bit of our savings, again.


Double dumbass on me. The nice thing is now I *know* I can't rely on her to be totally honest. Everything she says goes to the "Whatever" part of my brain. If she wasn't going to send anything, she shouldn't have told me she was. Then, I wouldn't have told my husband that yes, she is going to pay us back and then be proven wrong. Over and over again.


I don't know why she wants to be my friend, anyway. I don't have any more money to 'loan' her. That's another thing I can't just email. "What? I'm broke now and of no use to you. Why would you give a crap what I think about you??? Why would you want to be MY friend? What do you think I can do for you because I don't see a damned thing."


But I'm not bitter. Or pissed.

Well I've managed to poop off this morning. I had high expectations but low drag. :D

I've been surfing, downloading music. I'm STILL finding Sims stuff to download. Man, I love the idea of clicking a person's face and controlling them so completely. I can't control anything, even myself, and love that little fantasy world.

Good thing I've never tried street drugs, huh? Anyone addicted to computer games and Diet Pepsi should stay away from crack.

After I enter in here, I'll probably finish up online, then clean, then work out, then be more lazy. Husband gets dibs on the computer tonight, so I'm trying to get my fix over with during the day.

Ate gourmet from Dean and Deluca for Mom's day yesterday, plus two donuts. Now, I could have eaten six of them 6 months to a year ago, but after the first yesterday, I was rather queasy. Of course I ate the second one right away, it was a Bismark, fer Pete's sake. When faced with a wall of different donut varieties, THAT'S the one I pick out every time. If there are none there, then I don't waste the stomach space.

I've become a lot more selective in my eating. Smaller portions of more expensive food so the grocery bill stays the same, I'm just more expensive per pound. Ha ha ha!

I absolutely love the song "She F*ing hates me". The radio pushes it by taking out the ck part of f*ing so it really is fuhin' hates me on the radio. I think THAT'S a bit much. Especially around the grade-schoolers. Really hate it when teenagers use bad language around my kid. I mean, come on, is it going to be that hard to let her be a kid for at least a couple of years more? Kids today are bombarded with adult themes and it's tough to be a filter ALL the time. Think about it, did you have any idea what gay love was when you were in first grade? I had to date a couple in college before I knew they REALLY existed. (I was sheltered, ok?)

Am not weighing today, too bloated from the asparagus last night. Might as well eat some hummus, chili with beans, boiled eggs, and those lab experiments formerly known as artichokes. Give my intestines a really good workout.

Did you know that downloading five songs at a time @ 45k bogs down your internet connection? Who knew?

Me want high-speed, me too cheap.

Ok, must print out new daily task list and hop to it. Later.

Getting better about blogging.

Seeeeee????

Like, you care.


Sometimes, when I'm chatting at people, I think, why do I think they give a rat's butt what I'm saying? Do I even care about what I am and what I'm saying. Now, I'm not saying I'm invisible or won't be missed if I disappear, but sometimes, I feel really...transparent. Yeah, like I'm not really there.

Achieved a few things yesterday. The big one was my husband folding all the laundry. Something I'd dreaded doing and he did it for me. I worship that man. I found the perfect pillow for my Mom for Mother's day. She and I like the flattish ones, me, I love the goosedown ones in hotels and motels. Have even thought about swiping one just because I couldn't find them anywhere else. You know it. I found them. They were hiding out at Linen 'n Things and I had a $10 off coupon. I bought her the cheapest goosedown, still more expensive than the highest priced polyester and a 100 times better. Dad's getting BBQ tools for his birthday tomorrow and stupid me didn't even think about the card until yesterday. What a dumbass I am a lot of times. Good thing I have that sweet I care about people thing going, otherwise, I'd be in a shallow ditch somewhere, decomposing. :P

Food so far: Yogurt, orange, small pita sandwitch with ham, cheese, and deli mustard. Wanted hummus (is as us?) but am letting intestins calm down after the bean-laden chili incident of Monday. (how the HELL do you spell intestines) Uh, ok. Never mind.

Received $5 off coupon for Red Lobster via email. So now I HAVE to go to the Rainforest Cafe to redeem my two $5s from there as well as RL. How about $5 at RFC, $5 at Joe's Crab Shack (a RFC subsidiary), AND $5 at RL? Spending at least $100 to save $15. ;D

I'll probably just sneak around and have my lunches at those places. Lunch is cheaper and the coupons go further that way.

Worked out yesterday. :D Stairs for 20 mins on the aerobic training instead of fat burning. Sort of took it easy at level 5 or 6 because I knew I'd need my quadrecepts (I know, spelling) for leg lifts. I love doing those and my legs aren't even sore today like I thought they'd be. I lifted 180lbs with them for two sets of 8-12 reps. They were a little tough, but obviously not impossible. I scooted my feet to where the toes hung off the edge and did calf presses, too.

I couldn't remember The Matrix Reloaded opens on my birthday? What a non-dork. That, ST:Nemesis on DVD, and The Sims and I'm good. :D Finding Nemo opens the next weekend, I think, and we're there for that one, too. Some movies, I MUST see on the big screen.

Woke up with a hideous headache this morning so after this I'm on an ice pack. I don't know WHYYYY the headache today. I'd bought a bottle of wine but hadn't even opened it, no cheese, no chocolate, no anything. What a major pain in the ASS.

Spent some time at www.crimescene.com today working on a case. While reading the interviews, I had the feeling that it was fiction and lo and behold, it was. They didn't post that anywhere obvious, but the interviews sounded so incredibly stupid and badly written in a Dragnet sort of way (you KNOW Dragnet was fiction so bad dialogue was ok). I'd say the characters were only two-dimentional, but that'd be a stretch. Plus, all the obvious red-herrings. What a moronic place.

this thing is like a period....

I only experience it once a month.

Really must do better.


Ok, since the great new being that is our new computer, I haven't transferred the Excel and Word spreadsheets from the old to the new. Not good, since I've not kept track of my calories and activities, plus, my to-do list is on that old computer. It tends to freeze and since the new computer, I have zero patience with it.

What's going on.... Not a whole heck of a lot.

Knitting classes are over for the summer, as far as I know now. Unless I come up with something new, anyway. I've been knitting scarves to sell for the fall. Also need to finish up all my unfinished stuff to sell, too. Sent off the invoices last week, expecting money from the library in a couple of weeks. :)

Former best friend sent apology and 'will send some of what I owe' email. Like, THAT'S never happened before. I don't know what to reply, honestly, that doesn't sound mean, so I'm not replying. Which may be even worse.

Let's be fun for a moment!!! Some faves of mine:

Movie: The last good one I saw was One Hour Photo. I'm way behind the power curve, I know. I'm dying to see all the movies opening this month, there are some really good ones.

Book: Cheap bodice-rippers, excluding Barbara Cartland. Too many elipsisi in her...work. Also, where...she puts them....is....inappropriate for the...way a person would....say things....under.....duress. They are.....also.......of.....uneven lengths. I'm trying to focus on Dr. Phil's Self Matters but am too easily distracted. Seriously think I have adult ADD.

Music:At the moment, I'm listening to everything by Morten Harket of A-ha. I WORSHIP his voice as well as that of Ty Herndon. They're both attractive, that's why they have recording contracts. :P Listening to them sing is like an almost too hot shower on a snowy winter's day. Yum. Is it sexual? Not so much as it is sensual. While I work out, I listen to La Bomba, some cheapie latino compilation cassette. CDs skip too much to be enjoyable while working out on the stairs. While doing weights, I don't listen to anything, too distracting from the focus on the muscle.

Color:Today, it's GREEN. Because the color is everywhere.

Workout:Weightlifting. The other day I was doing something and noticed a lump above my knee. It was a freakin' MUSCLE. I was like, huh? Because I'm already pretty muscular, I thought I already had all the hardbody lumps. I also have all the softbody ones, too. ;P

Car: Shhhh, don't tell my car, but I love it. Of course, now that I've said that, it'll die. It always does. I may have to drive slooooowly by a new car lot just to keep it on it's pistons. ;)

Sheets: Being washed. The kid dreamed she was going to the bathroom and peed the bed. She didn't want to wake me about it and I rolled around in the stuff. Yay. I need to dry them, since I haven't heard the washer going in a while.

Neurosis of the Moment: The Sims. I found tons of free objects sites. You may have to check this out to see what I mean: www.thesims.com. Little buggers, just as I get sick of them, Superstar is going to come out. On my BIRTHDAY, no less, as well as a really good movie I want to see. Damn, I keep forgetting what it is, just that it's sci-fi. What a dunderhead. Anyway, The Sims are a drug. I love them because I can control them to a large degree. Plus, you do A, you get B. Very linear and predictable. I love that.

Website:http://www.caloriesperhour.com/

What I'm wearing: My husband's black sweatpants and his grey shirt from Benedictine College. I am wearing my own underwear and bra.

What I look like: Like someone who shouldn't have stayed up so late playing The Sims last night. Like someone who took a shower this morning but didn't want to get her hair wet and put it into a high bun instead.

What I'm drinking:The last dregs of a second cup of coffee. After a glass of iced tea, I'm going to work out at the gym.

What I had for breakfast:Lowfat light yogurt at 70 calories.

What I will probably have at midnight tonight: A couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter, pretzels, stale Captain Crunch cereal if there's any left.

Favorite screenwriters:The Andys. Andrew Niccol and Andrew Stanton. Look them up on www.imdb.com and see if you don't agree. I idolize them both, they amaze me and most screenwriters don't.

Favorite road: I 70 to Colorado. I really want to go this fall and see the color. I haven't been there in a decade and used to go 2-3 times a year when I lived closer. :(

Favorite husband: Mine! I get to sleep with this hunky married guy every night. He's a cute sexy doll that doesn't know how good looking he is.

Favorite daughter: Again, Mine! She's beautiful AND a brainiac with a crazy sense of humor. What a card. She's also very tenderhearted and caring.

What I don't like:Needing to pee, laundry, being lazy, wet socks, tornadoes in my neighborhood, pimples at my age, paying bills, dimply thighs, disciplining my child, reminding anybody of anything, forgetting things, looking for things, cleaning cat urp, unclogging toilets, running out of gas, discussing money owed by friends, funerals, spinach, inconsiderate people.

Things I wished I liked: sweat, not flossing, being by myself, eating less than 500 calories a day, waking up at 5:00am, martial arts, playing competitve sports, a high stress job with a psychotic boss, veggies ad nauseum, working out until I puke.

Things I wished I didn't like: food, sex, crass humor like South Park, staying up late, The Sims, pretzels dipped in french onion dip, all things cream cheese, sugar, anything alcoholic.

Wrapping up the websurfing, going to drink the iced tea, do dishes, mail bills, look for Mother's day and father's birthday gifts in sales circulars, then workout. Stop by grocery for O'douls and yogurt, stores for gifts, then home where I will fold clothes and watch Dr. Phil. Make bed, police the house, start dinner. Watch Star Trek:TNG (Nemesis is also out this month, is this not THE best birthday month???!!!!????!!!???!!! Knit like a fiend. Watch South Park. Between the start dinner and South Park is playing/spending time with child. After South Park is spending time with husband if he's still awake. ;D Tomorrow, mail gifts and pray they get there on time, which they won't but oh well.

Still tired today, plus HUNGRY. OMG! I've had my 1200 calories for the day, plus, just couldn't workout on the stairs for a full 30 minutes, only did 18.

I replied to the CK bitch with a "You asked, I answered" and no one's posted a thing. Bitch.


::scrambling for the Zoloft bottle::

I've been half asleep all day today, very odd for me. I'm sleeping a lot more, too, but not oversleeping, I don't think. Usually, I get 6-7 hours, but lately have been sleeping that plus 3 hour naps. I think tomorrow instead of napping, I'll workout myself awake. I have a hour of housecleaning and another hour of yoga scheduled. Something to stretch me out a little. :) The house is so clean now, it's hard to come up with something to do. Very nice.

I'm still doing the daily tasks, but the printer is on the other computer, and since this is midweek, I'm printing the new one on Monday. As long as I water the plants on Friday, procrastination won't hurt. ;)

Hey! There are 13 adults and 5 teens in my knitting class tomorrow night. Tres cool! They'll have fun.

Someone Needs a Valium, Obviously

I thought I was tired on the 11th.



Ha.


Everything hurts, even the muscles in my fingers.

This lady on the calorie king forum has pissed me off by asking me a question, then answering 'Whatever' to my answer. That's one of THE fastest ways to anger me, I HATE that.

What a pig.

I'm your best friend until you're an jerk, then I loath you forever.

Jesus forgives, *I* don't.

The nice thing is that I'm consistantly inconsistant.

Also very tired. I work on the house plus work out during the day. This means if I want to goof off, I do it at night between 9pm and 3-4am. Up at 8, so at most I'm getting 5 hours a night sleep. :P Must work on that.

House is a hell-hole despite whatever I've done. I do have three perfect rooms in the house, though, right down to the oiled baseboards. I have four hours of house cleaning scheduled, if nothing else, for the calories. Wanted to update this, though, before I take a nap.

Down to 162, yippee!!!! I'm also logging in my stuff at www.calorieking.com. Here's the daily counts of food and stuff: Laura's Public Calorie Log

I'm brutally honest. If there's a choco bunny binge, it's logged. I'm working to keep the calories eaten to under 1000.

It doesn't tell you how much I've worked out, though, and since my weight loss is sluggish, I've ramped up my workout. Here's the goal: 15 mins of yoga, 30 mins of Jane Fonda and 20 mins of Billy Blanks, 20-45 mins of stair climber. This is supposed to be every day with weight training for the upper body added on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.

Kazaa has been eating up my time. We're dialup so downloading anything takes aeons. I have new cds burned with fun music that keeps me moving.

Today's tasks:
Nap
Workouts
Shower
Call insurance company
Clean house for four hours-I'm not being specific, it all needs a good scrub.
Grocery shop for the week-NEED COFFEEEEEE!!!!!

It's been a month? Where has the time gone?

I've been busy.

Erasey erasey. I've not been following much of anything.

Uncle died, very very sad, saw family, very very good. I love my cousins, they're great people.

Check engine light was a sensor which is being fixed as I type this.

Did new sweater for BIL (brother in law), he likes it. Working on fish-shaped socks for Dad and afghan for friend.

What the heck was I talking about on the happiness journal?? Whatever?

Kits sales are way down. First class sales equals all other classes' sales. One more class until November, so I'm not earning until then. Oh well. We're getting a healthy tax refund (meaning we don't have to pay in for the first time in YEARS!!) and are refinancing the house, so maybe the depressing financial cloud because I quit work and "work=money=worth as a human being" will lift that follows me. (trying to keep my participles from dangling)

Need to watch Animal Cops and Cops...am becoming those people... :0 House is messy and the pets need care. Will get child to help, since they're her pets.

Ok, I'd lost down to 161, then ate my way back up to 165, I think. Actually, it's 'that' time (like you REALLY wanted to know), and I'm one of those 'bloaters' that balloon up by 3-8 lbs for 1-2 weeks a month. I spend half the year as the Sta-Puff marshmallow guy. :P

On the PLUS side, 165 is my new personal high weight, lowering the previous 170 limit, plus, I can still wear size 10s, even at 165, so I know it's water weight. Now, my goal is to set 160 as the high weight, which means I need to get down to 155. :P

I can do this. I work out for no less that 30 minutes a day, whether at the gym on the stair climber (burns 260-330 cals, depending on if I go 30 or 45 mins), or with the aerobics tapes at home. Jane Fonda's 1980's tape is my favorite, it works for me. The Billy Blanks Kickology is almost too easy and is fun to do with my child. We'll sometimes do that. Then, too, I need to do more of the Yoga because I've been skipping it for the past week. Going to the funeral really messed up my workout schedule, but it was so worth it. Now when I think about working out, I do it for my uncle and do it because he should have. It would have kept him healthier and he died way too young at 61.

I do need to post my food journal. It varies from 1000-1800 calories a day, plus, now that I'm on Calorie King, I'll get an accurate pic of what my nutrients are.

Also, there's something else I need to try. Sleeping. Seriously. We bought a new computer over the weekend and it's fun. I've been too busy surfing and looking for Sims things to update this. :D Went to bed at 3:00am the night before, then 4:00am last night. Of course I still wake up at 8:00am to get the child to school and have been too busy running errands to take a nap. I have a few loose ends to wrap up today, but as soon as I'm done typing this, I'm taking a nap. I'm a total of seven hours behind in sleep from the last two days alone, never mind that I seem to stay sleep-deprived. (PMS causes insomnia. So does a new,4x better computer!!)

Tasks today:
Mail bills
Sleep
Workout (Yoga, then Fonda)
Shower
Errands with child (must get cat food and litter!!!!!)
Pick up husband
Dinner
Clean for 2 hours (added in the calories burned into my online cals burned journal for the day)

This is in my preferred order, things could change and always do.

Nap time!

I feel much better today. Blame it on the hormones.

Can you believe? Child and I did Blank's Kickology last night, then PM Yoga. It's tougher than the AM, or at least, I'm not as used to it, so I'm a bit sore today.

While driving around all over town Saturday (teaching, child, visiting sister, German restaurant and movies) my check engine line kept coming on and off, so I'm afoot today. I 'could' go to the gym at night instead of my usual 10-2 mid-day time. It'll have to be after 8, after dinner and digestion.

Not happy about the child-sized sweater for my brother in law. Have the new one started and will give the prior one to Small Fry.

Patrick Stewart is on SNL. Makes being a working at home Mom fabulous. :D

Found a happiness journal/5 steps to happiness that I'm going to take a look at. True happiness comes from within, I just seem to have misplaced mine. :)

The beloved list. I need to print a new one and this time stick to it. Last week, I had to run all over getting read for a class that I got nothing else done. Prepared nearly 45 kits, sold 3. :P Tomorrow is another class, though. :D

Know what really helps me with my goals? Watching Cops and Animal Precinct (sp???). I don't want to be those people.

Haven't lost too much weight. At 165 today, which isn't too bad considering I started the year at 170. Still, though, 2.5 lbs a month? A lot of the weight lost journals have their people losing 10 times that much in a month. I guess if it goes slow, it'll come back on slow. :P It's tough not see any progress, but you know, even though I have temptations and sometimes cheat, it's never a bad cheat. Even on cheat days, I eat less than I did before the diet. Plus, my stomach just can't hold as much. Buffets are becoming a waste of money because I can't eat more than a plateful. ;P

It's been a week.

This is PMS week, at least, that's my excuse. I'm not losing any weight, but then I've been cheating on the food. Not cheating on the exercise, though. I'm up to 45 minutes on the stair climber and I'd started out with 10 minutes being good. :P

I hate me and I'm tired of hating me. The diet thing isn't working, even though the exercise is, the housecleaning isn't working because it's never done, the knitting thing isn't working because I spend so much time cleaning house that I don't get anything knitted.

I'm going to do some research on becoming more effective, because at this point I'm a supremo loser. My one redeeming quality is that I CAN spell loser. Most people spell it at looser. Or maybe it's failure. Yeah, I'm a failure because at least I try, you know?

I know, I'm a downer. This is the second year of depression and nothing I do matters. I really must find something that makes me happy.

Friday.

I know. I'm supposed to do this every day, but....

Ok, on Wednesday I did very well. I did everything on the list except the retainers, writing, and knitting. :P Thursday I did everything except write, knit, but did do the retainers. :) The bad thing is, I didn't make the bed today or yesterday. :P Today, I did everything except bed, writing, and knitting. It's early for the face and teeth, plus, I didn't do the yoga. I did happen to Do the stairs today at the 4-5-6 levels, and that's all for today. Yesterday it was a double decker with Fonda and Blanks' tapes.

Having done nearly everything, I'm working through papers in a little filer I have. Happened to run across some looseleaf journaling I'd done as part of a counseling stint to manage my anger. Now I know that nothing I could do would control the seretonin and how the receptors work. When I'm hopped up on zoloft and become furious, you KNOW it's got to be bad. I mean, really.

There's a lot about me I'd like to change. I'm not happy with myself and the fact that I'm not happy with myself. Making sense, yet? Figuring out who I want to be (that's a version of me, of course) is one of those goals thing I want to do. I don't know just what I'll feel comfortable being, at the moment. :)

Nine days? Where the heck did they go?

This 'perfection' thing is hard.

The Valentine's day party went off without a hitch. Afterwards, I went to Walmart for a cake. After a conversation, the manager at the bakery wanted me to fill out an app to work there. I want to, still, but.... To be brutally honest, I'd looked forward to getting season passes to Oceans of Fun for child and me. Every Union Bank Day, I have her put in $10 towards that goal. I'll pay for my pass via my knitting classes. :)

I've modified my 'list' to include things I do that are extra, plus exclude the things I hate. For instance, I hate warm lemon water first thing in the morning, but love getting 80oz of water a day. I've also added extra working out to videotapes, but am having difficulty with that. :P My piriformus muscle is giving me grief today. I did the stairclimber for 30, 10 at level 4, 10 at level 5, 10 at level 6, yesterday, plus the 15 mins of yoga and then... Jane Fonda from the early 80's. Believe it or not, my body has changed in the past 20 years for the worse. That so f*ing sucks. I even took it easy on myself. My weight is down a pound to 166. Not bad, but not good, either.

The good news is that my mom had the same problems losing her weight at my age. She dieted much harder than I have for three months before it came off. Whew. My body's not fat, it's efficient. Too bad that's the only part of me that is. :P

Ok, the 'perfect' list:

Yoga I will probably do this so that my hip/butt muscles will quit hurting

Shower I want to color my hair and will probably put this off until after I color, today.

Breakfast-200 Calories (Cals) I'm coming in under at 80 cals, but am STARVING.

Kitchen (short for dishes, counters, stove cleaning) The dishes are soaking, I need to do this today.

Make beds, pick up clothes (combined because I always do these at the same time) I'll do this today, before yoga.

Vacuum Before I do this, I need to empty the pets' areas, THEN vacuum. I also want to do this before I shower because I feel icky afterward.

Stairclimber I'd missed Monday, so I should have done this then instead of yesterday. I'm really fighting the urge... I want to go and knock out 30 mins, which is 200 calories burned. I dunno, I may give myself some time off, just so I don't imobilize myself.

Tennis or Rollerblade with child I promised her we'd do something fun after school. She needs the activity. :P

Lunch 200 Cals Still starving and don't know what I'll have. Maybe a salad that's under 100 cals. THAT would be cool.

Write I'm feeling the urge to write today, for the first time in a very long time. Since I'm 'hurt', I may take advantage of this...

Dinner 300 Cals Must plan for this so I don't overeat. :P Have no idea what to fix, yet.

Knit Really must finish Brother In Law's sweater, only have the sleeves to do, now. Mental note to start this year's Christmas in July, maybe June. :P

80 oz water Easy to do, a third of the way there already. :D

Hour of Cleaning house This'll be the pet areas, but again, I'm afraid of the bending and picking up thing. Maybe I'll just sort and file papers. :D

Wash face and do retainers before bed. I have been so bad about not doing this and it shows. :P MUST make this a #1 priority.

There you are, my list of things to do. I'll check in tomorrow with how well I did. :D

Update on evil friend. Everything is falling apart for her and yeah, I do feel bad. Not forgiving, but bad for her. In the Karma's a Bitch department, someone broke into her car and stole her insurance, registration, and car tags, or so she says. It's tough for me to believe anything she says at this point. If it is true, well, then, she can join the group of people that were evil to me and have paid dearly for it. It also motivates me to be kinder to people. I need to do more good deeds, I think. :)

Still pissed. Posted something in the forum about 'Wouldn't it be nice to hear from the sick one in here, like she promised?' She replies, saying, was busy (yeah) and sorry (not) if she pissed anyone off (me).

Fine.

It's not the first time I've let a friend go, and it probably won't be the last.

Ok, ok. This is supposed to be about me striving for perfection. I'm weeding through my todo list, doing the Yoga(100 cals), dishes, making bed, picking up clothes, and of course, eating. So far, it's been 70+120+80 calories today, and I've burned off 220 on stairs and treadmills, and 100 calories in weightlifting. If I stick to the plan of cleaning house for an extra hour today, that adds 260 to the burn list. I binged on cookies yesterday, and if I space it out, I can lose those calories and then some. If I stick to this, I'll have a net intake of -180 calories. I don't know about the hour of housework, and really, I do need to do it since I skipped the list entirely over the weekend. All my undone weekend chores are sitting around, staring me in the face. :(

I stopped by the school to drop off money for the librarian's baby gift (yes, the one who in her last month is just NOW looking pregnant), and apologized for my workout clothes. :P The secretary said I was lucky, she has to get up at 5am to work out. Now, see, that's one of my "If 'I' were perfect" things I tell myself all the time. A 'perfect' person wakes up at 4:30am and works out at 5:00-6:00, gets ready for work, and is there by 7:00. It would be far easier for me to stay up until 4:30 than it would be to wake up then. Unless there's a plane to catch. For some reason, I'm UP no matter what the time if I have a chance of going somewhere fun. :D

I think I'm going to do something fun. I know, I have that hour of cleaning house, but still. I've been really depressed the past couple of days, maybe even the past week, and I think I want to curl up with some knitting and a kill-me funny movie. I don't think I deserve it, but I do know I need it. I've added some inspriational quotes, then some 'mood of the moment' quotes, too. On the letting a friend go quote, is it me who's letting a friend go, or have I already been let go......?

Sometimes, A Girl Just Has To Be Angry

I hate my bitch friend. She supposedly has this tumor, was going to call and give me info on how bad it was, and does she call? Hell no. HER spend money on ME? USE up the 1500 she owes us? Heaven forbid!

So, I'm up in the middle of the night, pissed as hell that I can't do a damned thing. I'm going to have to think of something, though. Even if it's doing nothing and letting Karma kick her in the ass. For this, I'd become a Buddist.

Bitch. I'm really beginning to hate her.

Bitch.

Will this work?

Headache is over, now I'm just tired, still. Friday, I spent calling around to insurance, pharmacy, doctor, trying to see what I needed that was new and improved. By the time everything was settled, my headache was gone. :P

I'm still sleepy, but it's from me being stupid. I stayed up too late last night trying to win at Age of Empires.

I'm down to 163, but have been eating cookies today. They're 'cheap' in calories, but.... I'm hoping to keep the damage minimal, say under 1500 calories for the day. I have to run errands tomorrow, so of course I'm stopping by the gym. I may do the stairs for 30 mins at 3, then up the intensity for a few moments to really stretch my endurance. The 30 will give me some added calorie burns.

No war so far. Bush was just going to say he is pissed and that the UN had better make good on their promises. I'm so sleepy, I think I'm going to take a nap.

Now, what was it I was going to do, again.

Honestly, this headache is kicking my butt. It's a doozy. I went ahead and ate a yogurt because I took another med an hour ago. I just took another, which is my last one for the day or I'm OD.

I did everything below except the aeorbics and yoga, which adds up to 234. Hmm. Here I was looking forward to a negative calorie count for the day. :( Unless I just eat the salad and maybe a snack..... that's an idea. Yogurt = 80, orange = 90, = 170. 64 left plus I'll probably burn more than that.

Oh crap, gotta go. Special report by Bush about Iraq. Jennings thinks he's going to allow a scond inspection before declaring war. We'll see.

Stupid f*ing brain hurts today. Sorry for language, but I didn't want this. Teaching class while under the influence should be fun. Midrin has sedatives so I'm sure to be the Bob Ross of knitting. "Now, let's make happy yarn-overs, everyone..."

I did EVERYTHING on my list yesterday except PM Yoga and face washing for the night. I know, but still, when I worked out, I did the stair stepper for a full 20 minutes, exceeding the prior 10 minutes. Plus, I did 5 minutes at level 3, another 5 at level 4, then 5 at 5, then back down to 5 at 4. Cool, huh? Then I walked at 3.5 mph for 10 minutes. I'd also done well on keeping the cals down. I'd worked out so much and ate so little that at 2:00pm, my net calories were at zero. :) I ate little dinner, but then binged on 2 cups of cereal. It added 500 cals to my daily total of 1100. Then this morning, my Weight Commander said it expects my weight to go up, since it'd stayed at 166 for the past three days and that if I wanted to change the new upward trend, I needed to work out more and eat less.

Fine. As soon as my headache is adequately medicated, I'm working out here at home and I'm keeping my calories to 500 or less today. I do not want to be this fat any more. If my body wants to be a jerk and metabolically sabotage me until I have to work out 2 hours every day and eat 500 cals a day to lose weight, so be it. I'm the boss of my body, I choose how and when I gain weight and if my body doesn't get the message, well, then, I'll just keep at it until it learns. I had an orange for breakfast, and since I am teaching class, I'm waiting to eat a snack with V when she gets home and then maybe a budget gourmet and yogurt before I leave for class. It'll add up to 460, so the snack can be a salad with basalmic vinegar. Crunchies will add 40 cals and bring me right at 500 calories for the day. Here are my plans for between now, 12:30, and leaving for class at 5:00...

Activities Number of minutes Calories burned
Aerobics 45 336
Cooking 10 29
House cleaning 30 134
Showering 15 71
Yoga 30 199
Total calories burned 769

Cool, huh? I can totally eradicate my calories today. I'll let you know how it goes.....

I am a Nuclear Baby. I was born in the spring of 1965 and have lived with the constant and background threat of WW3 wiping out everything susceptible to radiation. Every time sirens go off, I pause, waiting for the word that the nukes will arrive in 30 minutes. In fact, even though I grew up in Tornado Alley, I sigh with relief when the tornado alarms go off, relieved that it's not for a nuclear reason. All of my life, I've had Nuclear War nightmares.

That said, someone needs to tell the Emergency Broadcast System that you DON'T F*ING test the system during a live CNN broadcast discussing Iraq's NUCLEAR CAPABILITY!!!! No, no no! I'd love to see how high my blood pressure is right now.....

I'll post later, I'm still reading this compelling weight loss diary by Heather. Also have a bit of a fever and head cold, but really must shower and exercise.

This so sucks. I weighed in at 166 today and have been as high as 170 since my last post. Blame it on PMS, I suppose. Aunt Flo was supposed to visit today, but has yet to make an appearance. Probably she'll get here Thursday, while I'm in rush hour traffic to Grandview.

But wait, you say, didn't you do the Beginning Knitting class in Grandview LAST week? Yes, I did and Thursday's is a continuations. :D More money and more success (which is the better of the two). I'm actually optimistic about this knitting biz. :)

Ok, on the exercizing...I'm doing 10 minutes on a stair stepper, increasing the resistance by one every two minutes. My quads tend to tire but aren't sore the next day due to my walking another 10 minutes at 3.5 mph. Working out is dull, but I liven it up by listening to Latin music. I tend to want to give extra oomph by shaking my hips to the music. It's bad enough being fat in a gym, I don't want to be a fat idiot so I limit the cha-cha while on the stair stepper. :P I also do stretches, if not my AM Yoga, then no less than 30 crunches. Sometimes I crunch fast, mostly I make myself go slow. I'm trying something new. On Fridays, I do this new thing called slow weight training. I go on the circuit machines and make each repetition last 20 seconds. 10 secs up or out, 10 secs down or in with a slow exhale/inhale as the situation warrants. I was sore after last Friday, so there must have been some good. I'd like to be up to 30 mins on the stair stepper at level 10. Maybe by then I'll be down in weight and can start running again. Right now, the trainer recommends against it, accurately guessing I have problems with shin splints. The stairs are no impact and raises my heart rate, as does the walking. I'll walk at least as fast as 3.5 mph, sometimes, I'll go ahead and run, just for the fun of it. Weird. "I" said THAT???? :D

Food. Gawd, what to say? I have good days, and bad. Today was really good. I'm squeeking in at 646, but don't be alarmed, yesterday was 1700 and the day before that was 1040. (my former IRS agent husband just thought, "Wow" at the 1040 form reference). I'd made a lowcal cake with preserves and cream cheese, then ate most of it, yesterday. That's where the 1000 comes from, the 700 was normal, lite food. I'm not keeping as good a track of what I eat as much as I count the calories, and I always try to over estimate. In the past 15 days I've averaged 1400 calories a day. After working out three times a week, I've used up at least 300 extra calories a week. That adds up to nearly 5lbs in a year. What a crock. Burning cals in working out is not the way to go, unless you're walking miles and miles a day. I suppose I have the time, heck, I know I do have the time to walk miles a day, but I'd rather be cleaning house. It's more generally productive. Walking only benefits me and I can't really do anything else but walk. Cleaning house helps everyone in my family. I cleaned out the bookshelves today, four tall ones. Gave away a box of romances to my husband's friend's wife, who is my friend, too. She's a sweetheart, the one who rescued us when my car decided to dump its radiator fluid. :P

Ok, weight issues aside, this has been a slow week on the house cleaning scale and I need to nail down why. My list is barely being followed, I'm really disappointed in how I'm not completely following it or the monthly tasks. I'll have to get on here tomorrow and update you all on this. I did happen to find some really fab templates for MS Word and Excel that'll give me a great shopping list for diet foods (not costly if you limit portions), an estimated body fat calculation based on weight and measurements, and another format of todo lists. I might use it, then, I might not.

Controversial parenting issue: I ran the numbers and while our daughter, seven years old, is 4'1.5", she is 90lbs with clothes on. This is not good. She will cease being overweight for her height and age when she reaches 60lbs. I dunno, that seems awfully skinny, her classmates tend to look sickly because they're so thin. Tonight, I explained to her why exactly I don't want her to get double portions at school (they serve chicken nuggets, can you believe?) and for every day she doesn't get double, I'll have a healthy and very tasty snack waiting at home for her. (Low cal so if she does get double, I'll eat it myself) I've been reading a lot of weight loss diaries and shared one with Miss V. There was this one girl who'd make the rounds asking for leftovers during her school lunch and as an adult topped 375lbs. I read the story to V and told her it matters when she eats too much and for God's sake don't ask for other kid's leftovers. I'm hoping she's honest with me, she tends to lie if she thinks she'll be punished, which is even worse. I can stand a lot of things but lying shows cowardice and I don't want her to be that. I'm probably harshing on her weight too much, but honestly, I don't want the other kids to call her fatty or for her to feel bad about herself. Especially if there's something she can do about it. Also, it's the whole health issue. If she learns healthy eating now, it'll not be such a struggle when she's an adult.

So, anyway, for the possible parenting trouble. I explained to her that she needs not to ask for double, that I'll give her peanut butter on apple slices (the pb is drizzled on the slices like chocolate on those fancy desserts in expensive restaurants), which she seems to love. I'll try to make it a fun surprize every day. They don't get much lunch, but when it's fried, a little goes a long way. Plus, she gets home at 4:15 and it's often 7:15 before we eat. With lunch at 11:20, that's a very long stretch without food and her metabolism will just die. I showed her a 'pro-ana' website, which is one of those pro-anorexia website. It had a page of warning pictures with some women a little older than me weighing 49lbs. Walking skeletons, very scary. I showed V and she was shocked. I was honest with her and said I didn't want her that skinny or, then I clicked over to a fat acceptance site, nor that heavy. Neither one was healthy and both types have heart attacks at very early ages (22 yrs old). I said I wanted her in between and healthy and that's why I say don't sneak food or get double portions.

Next, we'll start on becoming more active. I firmly believe in getting one habit established before trying to begin another. It's a major lesson I've learned in my own struggle to meet my standards. I still don't meet them, but hey, one habit at a time. :) Now, it's habit for me to sweep the house first thing in the morning, picking up clothes, trash, and dishes, then doing the dishes and starting the laundry. I also have the powerful urge to workout on MWF, and even then, I want to work out on Tues and Thurs. Today, I did my AM yoga, and if I hadn't got distracted by the internet, I would have done my Jane Fonda just because I want to.

Acutally, I'm dreading that one. I used to do it in high school and college. In the few times I've tried it since, I've not done as well. As a matter of fact, I remember my Mom working out with me, her being the same age as I am now, and I know I can't do as well as she did then. I tell myself the important thing is that I get it done and that each time I do it is a little better than the time before. I compete against myself. To do so against anyone else would be too depressing. ;)

I think I'll have to wrap this up. I took cold meds and I would like to read a few more of the wieght loss diary I'm reading right now. :) I think she's more entertaining than I am.

The latest diaries have 'epiphinies' listed. I'll have to think of mine in more detail and post. My weight loss is going so slowly that I want to quit, but then I think, fine, I'll just cut calories and up the exercising until my weight has NO CHOICE but to fall off me. >:|

Forgive the spelling and grammar, I'm too lazy tonight and remember the cold med, so I'm too lazy to cut, paste, check, cut, paste back.