You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you, you have a long history of rising above adversity.  Recent adversity has led to questions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage to attract a number of tourists and admirers.  And despite any setbacks, you can really cook a good meal whenever it's called for.  Good enough to make people cry.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Stoopid tumor.

The good news is it's barely a blip on the screen. I had the CA-125 bloodtest yesterday as a baseline for ovarian cancer detection. No big. So was the alleged 'tumor'. The gyn said he LOVES to operate and he didn't see a need to do so with me. He really wanted to but didn't need to at all. So much for 'the tumor made me do it'. I could have been marathon training this whole time, too. Ok, so maybe I'll just do the 5K, then. THAT I can handle. ;)

So, I'm doing this summer of lace thing and realize, knitting mohair lace is crap. Me no likee the mohair. I'm going to have to work harder than if it were a cute little cotton thing. Oh well, it'll be gorgeous when it's done. :D

The Tumor Made Me Do It.

That's my excuse for everything. It seems I have a bit of a tumor, benign, and it makes a wonderful reason to do horribly self-indulgent things. Eating out, buying yarn, playing Sims2 until my eyes fall out or until there's no more sugar-free popcicles and Diet Pepsi (whichever comes first). I see the doc mid-July to see how soon I can serve 'T' its eviction notice.

So with that, I'm out of training for September's marathon. Not happy about it, but there you go. Once Fry is at Gran's, I'll be hitting the gym again. I know I should bring her and all that, but she's too young to work out or leave home alone, and too old to sit in the baby room. I'd like to run while she rides her bike alongside, but with T causing pains when I run, I'll just wait until the eviction. :P

Not only do bears poop in the woods, it seems they use Charmin to clean up. Who knew???

I ripped this off a knitblogger's website. It's to give your secret pal an idea of what gifts a gal wants, but, it's a good indicator of personality, too.

Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer high-end/natural fibers)?
I'm so not the snob. If it's knitable, I'm all over that bad boy.

Do you spin? Crochet?
I'm going to weave! I didn't have that much of an interest (no tools to do it) until Mom found a loom at a garage sale. Now, I have another way to use up all the yarn. :D

Do you have any allergies?
Nothing in real life. Contrast iodine and dioxycyclene isn't something I run into. If I were allergic to Dawn dishwashing soap and Comet, THEN I'd be hurting. Clean house, but itchy rash.

How long have you been knitting?
Five years, self taught.

Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list?
I do, but don't even know what's on it anymore. Don't know and trying to care.

Do you have a sweet tooth?
Oh yeah, you betcha! I'm South Beaching it, so it's really a sugar-free sweet tooth.

What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do?
I'm a gal of all trades, really. Ponds, interior painting, installing faucets are the big things. Scrapbooking, writing, and rarely acrylic painting are my non-knitting hobbies.

What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? (if your buddy wants to make you a CD)
There's good and bad in all types of music. I can't rule anything out. I do love Falco and a-ha's non-American hits. Don't listen to the radio much, too many commercials, and country (which I usually love) has become too redneck-hick themed lately. I have a little MP3 player to run with and I love that, too. I found it on clearance and got it for my birthday. Wonderfully light and no skipping.

What's your favorite color? Or--do you have a color family/season/palette you prefer?
Fave? Black. I feel most comfortable wearing that color. Other than that, I love the European traditional color palettes.

What is your family situation? Do you have any pets?
Married, one child, one cat, one guinea pig, one betta fish.

What is/are your favorite yarn/s to knit with?
Tough one! Sock yarns. Even though they're itty bitty, I love them. I like the cheap acrylics due to them being so slippery fast. That, and machine washable counts for a LOT. :D

What fibers do you absolutely *not* like?
Mohair. It's wonderful to knit up but a bitch to wear.

What is/are your current knitting obsession/s?
I joined the Summer of Lace group! Now I need a lace pattern that I'm in love with. There are still tons of sock skeins from the sock era that need knitting up. Since it's roasting in summer, great hot weather project.

What is/are your favorite item/s to knit?
My triangle shawls. Quick, one-skein, tv-watchable pattern, AND lovely when done.

What are you knitting right now?
My Fry's afghan, here on my lap. It's Red Heart light and lofty buff color done in a wave pattern. Was working on another wave pattern for a shirt in Classic Elite, but am not sure about it. I think it's a do-over.

What do you think about ponchos?
By the time I knit one up, the trend will be over.

Do you prefer straight or circular needles?
Depends on the project, usually straight. My cat it too lazy to play with yarn or needles, thank goodness!

Bamboo, aluminum, plastic?
Bamboo is what I'm using and loving at the moment. I'm not a needle snob, though, I'll use anything.

Are you a sock knitter?
(Looking at sock yarn stash....) I'd better be....

How did you learn to knit?
I saw a sweater pattern in Real Simple magazine, then ran out and bought "Teach yourself to knit" kit. It was all over but the stashing after that.

How old is your oldest UFO?
Four and a half years. I'll never finish it, the sleeves point up when attached, even after 6 tries. I don't know and after the sixth try, don't care.

What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird?
Bugs Bunny. I love SpongeBob, of course, and Patrick Starfish, but Bugs is the best.

What is your favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving. I love grocery shopping, fall decor, cooking, eating, and family (not in that order of course). Christmas, the usual answer, isn't my favorite. I LOATH Christmas shopping, turns people into supreme jerks. After a while, Christmas makes me feel as if I've been drinking maple syrup for hours while being poked in the eye with a sharp stick. There's nothing more festive than being mowed down during an ice storm in a department store parking lot by someone with a wreath on the front of their SUV and a cross hanging from their rear view mirror. Jesus loves me when I'm soaked and frost-bitten, right?

It's not even July and I'm feeling the Holiday hate. This is why all my Christmas shopping is done before I grocery shop for Thanksgiving.

I should be working out right now.

Gilad is on Fit TV and I'm blogging and reading knit blogs, instead. Doesn't matter, I'll run the 4 miles required for marathon training today.

Neighbors are having roof work done and the conveyor belt squeeks like a deaf mouse. I hate high pitched noises and want to beat the workers with a can of WD40 while screaming "Do you NOT hear the noise? FIX IT."

Yep, premenstral. I hate to be a cliche', but sometimes, the stereotypes are true.

Weight: I'm afraid to weigh after the debauchery of the weekend. I'll do it on the official day, Friday.

Yarn: Working on a lovely Red Heart Light and Lofty blanket for the Fry. She loves it, it's a wave pattern on size 16s. Wonderfully washable, warm, and blends in with her room decor. I'm not one for really garish colors. No orange paired with purple, no lime green unless it's in a yellow/orange/lime citrus motif. I'm looking forward to finishing up the blanket, if only because I've been practicing American style knitting and have gotten good at it. Plus, I'm a lot faster with it and look forward to Continental style, which is even faster than that. :D Yay!

Plans for today: Cleaning house, playing with Frybaby, and Royals baseball game tonight. They're playing the Yankees. Forced sitting means happy knitting.

Thanks to my weight obsession, Calorie King had all of my journal entries between the last update in 2003 on here and today's update. So, for your insomniac cures, here it is, 2004 in a nutshell:


Monday , December 1st 2003
Food Total: 739 cals
Net Calorie Total: 739 cals
154
Can you believe it? With all the feasting and letting the food thing slide during November, this is my start weight for the month of December. Chocolate chips, Chinese food, Mexican food, pumpkin pie, and still, 154 today. NOW, I'm happy it's an effort to lose weight, because it takes the same amount of effort to gain it back.
I want to hit the gym today, but am so tired from yesterday's driving. Then, I'd had two Red Bulls to keep me awake and I did stay awake. Until 4:00am. Up at 8:00am to get the child to school, then catching up on phone calls and emails this morning. I have to make sure I have materials for class this evening, plus I really must clean up the house. Yech. It's not bad, just dusty and cluttered. I also need a shower, before I go workout of course.
I heard from my guy over the holiday. He misses us, but the Army fed them all a turkey dinner. It was pretty good, so that was great.

Tuesday , December 2nd 2003
Oh, man has my brain hurt today. Nothing worked on my headache, it's just now started to fade. I'm all tense and could use a shoulder and neck massage to loosen the knots. The Midrin has a sedative, but that's still not completely effective.
Yesterday and today was a wash, ate chocolate chips, then Long John Silver's tonight. Bad, even if I couldn't finish the entire platter. I couldn't work out today, just walking made my blood pound in the veins. Did the blood pressure cuff while getting more meds tonight and my pulse rate was in the 80's. So not good, since usually it's in the 60's.
If I weren't in pain, I'd miss the gym even more than I do now. Really want to go, but the headache is too much. I miss the weightlifting and am worried about losing my stairclimbing levels. Oh well.
In other news, heard from my beloved yesterday. What a wonderful surprise for him to call. I love that man. Really loved hearing from him and hearing his voice. Can't believe it's going to be nearly a year before I see him again. It'll be a month tomorrow since he's been gone. He might get to come back to Orlando for a conference in a few months, if that's the case, the child and I are there. Even a few days with him will be great.
I so want to be at 110 when he gets back, must must must get back on the diet and exercise track. I haven't been making excuses or reasons why to eat, I've just been eating as I want. That's got to stop.

Monday , December 15th 2003
Ug. I'm faaaaat!
LOL because it's about time! A person can't eat batch upon batch of cookies and not have SOMETHING happen. I'm up two pounds. That's cool, because I can lose it with just a little work. Yesterday, I shoveled the driveway just in time for the warm snap today. Today, I can feel every muscle I haven't worked out during December. Bad bad!!
So this morning I had my usual yogurt, accidentally missed lunch but had a salad at night, then had scrimp scampi for dinner. Did I totally blow a good day by eating a couple of butter cookies? Probably, but I had a good reason for seeing if they were still good. That's it, though. Two, and a bunch more are there on the counter, and I really don't want any more. I think the need for sweets is over. Having a month off (and I mean REALLY off) once a year won't ruin me. Just as long as I hop back on the bandwagon.
October and November were sort of break months, too, but while I didn't log anything, I still didn't eat what I wanted when I wanted during that time. The two lax months, then hedonistic December has done wonders for my morale. I'm so ready for the first school day in January! As soon as the child is on the bus, I'm having a small yogurt and a large bottle of water, then hitting the gym. Of course, my performance will be horrible compared to the last time I worked out, but oh well! Nowhere to go but up!
This week, I'm cleaning house like a fiend for Christmas company. Then, the next two, nearly three weeks, my child is home from school for winter break. I'd rather get a clean house, and be active with my child than do time in a gym during this time. After this break, I'll start seriously training for the German Army PT test at Leavenworth. One of the Colonels at the Unit Christmas party brought over a Sergeant Major who'd completed the test and has a medal on his uniform. No, I can't get one, I'm not active duty, but while hubby is in Kuwait, he and I can train and compare notes on our progress. It'll be fun. Something to bind us across the miles, like our love and family life isn't enough, LOL!
Must make plans for tomorrow's tasks....

Friday , January 2nd 2004
Food Total: 1122 cals
Exercise Total: 739 cals
Net Calorie Total: 383 cals
Oh My God. 162. And here I was, doing so well at 155. Yucka. No wonder the 10's were tight. I'm freakin' fat.
Ok, so, back to the grind. Actually, I'm looking forward to the discipline already. I've made out the menus for this week, good, and if there weren't a Star Trek marathon today, I'd be out shopping right now. Oh well. It'll get done later today. Plus, I have the new, improved housecleaning list and I'm so not close to being done. I've worked on cleaning for an hour today, and there's yet another hour left to do, at least.
I've discovered a new website, something about Flylady, a person could Google if they really wanted. It is a home organization site and has been very helpful so far. I'm slowly modifying my life to be better in many ways.
Word of the day-ahlan wa SAHlan, Arabic for 'Hello'
Yesterday's was nam, Arabic for 'yes'

Sunday , January 4th 2004
Food Total: 631 cals
Net Calorie Total: 631 cals
Here's something new and improved. I've downloaded a program called DietPower that's cool. I've used it in the past, but didn't feel comfy paying $40+ for it. I've been so good at CK, though, that I'm tempted to plunge ahead and keep dual records. Why? Because DP is great for being offline, I can enter my recipes (very important since I do tons of gourmet cooking), has more activities in their database, and most of all, it uses my calories eaten, used, and current weight to calculated a customized metabolic rate. I do like CK for the community, and the information too. DP isn't up to date unless there's an enhancement to the program. That's a limitation. Something else I do happen to like about DP is that the water intake is customizable and it gives me a nutrient chart. I'll have to see if it has the measurements storage, too.
In other news, we're socked in with ice, thanks to a storm that moved through last night. Yay. The only provision we need is kitty litter.
I binged so bad last night!!! About six Hersey kisses, but that's not the worst of it. You know that CK recipe for Chicken Artichoke salad? I take half that, mix it with iceberg lettuce before adding the French Dressing, then eat. Only last night, I'd had leftover so I had two servings. I suppose, as far as binges go it's not bad, but still. I was sooo hungry that I couldn't resist. I logged it in DP but not CK. Need to do that.
Hubby called this morning. Once the debts are paid (and who doesn't have them), we're saving for household upgrades. Very cool! I'll be able to get a professional grade stove, if all goes well.
I finished the commissioned afghan and will drop it off on Saturday. It's absolutely beautiful and I'm getting pictures before then. I've started a new organizational system that's working wonders. Don't know if I mentioned it already...think I have. At any rate, it's fabulous. I'm trying not to stress if I can't do everything all at once and perfectly, as is my desire. Things are getting done and the house is looking cleaner all the time. I'm not going to log housework as a workout any more, since Fit TV is on the air. I just need to make sure I'm working out to it. Once I get back into the habit of eating properly, like most of last year, then I'll work out properly, THEN start a new diet.
What is it? It's the Gastric Bypass diet! Don't know if I already journaled this, but... I thought about the people who undergo the surgery and thought why do it when all a person really has to do is stick to the diet. I know, easier said than done, but if I can wean myself from uncontrolled eating to controlled, then from controlled to restricted, then I can bump back up to controlled. That's where everyone should be anyway, instead of on a 'diet'. If a person can control their finances, control their household cleaning, control their appearance, why NOT control their eating? Be uncontrolled somewhere else where it counts, like...the bedroom maybe? } <-evil grin
With hubs away, of course I'll need to find something else for the uncontrolled thing. If I want to stay out of trouble, that is. Maybe something that a lack of control would be productive, like exercise or activity outdoors. Knitting professionally (not buying yarn, that's already semi-uncontrolled), writing screenplays, cleaning house, stuff like that. I'll have to make a list...
The word for the day is still "ahlan wa salan" until I can say it without goofing and saying "ahwan al salan" instead. The second is probably a curse, my luck being what it is. Now that I've written this, I'll have to look it up.
Ciao for now. I have an apple to eat.

Sunday , February 29th 2004
Oh my! I haven't updated in forever! Well, forget about the gastric bypass diet for now, I'm doing good just to stick to 1200 a day and usually go over. I'll balance it out by working extra hard on cleaning house. Carrying plastic tubs of genealogy paperwork and Army manuals is pretty darn exhausting.
On the other hand, I'm back at the gym, and went three times last week. When I couldn't work out due to the flu (all through Feb), I hopped on our little trampoline here in the kitchen. It's a little way from the fridge so I have to walk past it to get to the food. Also, they have the coolest thing on Time Warner cable, it's Fit TV. I feel like I've mentioned this, but.... Love that Bodies in Motion with Gilad. I remember when it used to be tough, now all that's tough is the coordination I don't have.
Working out progress: Bench presses are up to 3 reps of 160lbs, leg presses are still 3 sets of 10 at 360lbs and those are tough. I can only run one mile at 12 minutes. Sometimes it's at 11 minutes and some odd seconds, but usually, it's 12. My bod would be fantastic if I could just lose the body fat. Ah well. As hard as it is for me to gain, I'll just have to be patient with how hard it is for me to lose.
What else is going on? Hubby is fine. I hear from him every Sunday and it's wonderful to hear his voice. I'm crazy about the guy and look forward to having him home. The child is great. Of course, on Sunday, I'm glad she's going to school the next day, then by Thursday I want her to stay home on Friday because I miss her so much.

Thursday , June 24th 2004
Guess what the cat dragged (or is that drug?) in! It's been for-freakin-ever since I posted a journal entry, and I'm thinking about letting my CK subscription lapse. It's not like I get a heck of a lot of community support, but then, I don't tend to offer any, either. I'd post and mostly be 'passed over' and not bother to get back into it.
I've been logging my foods in a software program that allows me to enter in my own recopies, something I really needed. I'd suggested the feature to CK, but was pretty much ignored. Also, the meal selections were the same things over and over, and after six months of eating the same dishes... ug. I'd suggested that they add those wonderful new recopies in their library to their meal plans. Of course, no one jumped on THAT wonderful idea. (wonderful is sarcastic)
So anyway. I still had my Perfect Woman Goals going on, doing the daily checklist, then found something called Flylady and am doing that. Various family members look 'down' on me for needing a list to get things done, but I seriously think I have ADD, adult version. (I go from cabaña boy to cabaña boy). The list and 'Fly'ing helps keeps me focused. After my cleaning routines were in place and a habit, I worked on my PWGs schedule. I wrote out a perfect day, like 4:30am, Wake up and drink coffee, 5:00am-work out with Bodies in Motion on FitTv. After that is breakfast, shower, hair and makeup, cleaning, running for an hour, (working on this one, it's only 30 minutes so far), rinse off, errands, lunch, cleaning, dinner, family time. The whole time frame is geared to where no one can give me that "You're dog poo," look and say, "*I* was up at 4:30," which to me implies that whoever wasn't up at that time is a lazy slug not worth their food. It also doesn't allow the Child's schoolwork to fall through the cracks. I hate being reminded about things that I've forgotten, makes me feel like a 'bad mom'. A 'good' parent doesn't forget permission slips and school picture money payments, now DO they.
Let's get on to the food, exercise, and weight part. Gag. I'm still working on the pond area from last summer, sort of. Now, it's mostly planting, putting in a flowerbed border, and finishing up the stone patio. Hubby was the one to do the patio this summer, but the Army decided he needed a Kuwait vacation. Since then, I've been mowing since last summer, and then have painted the interior of our home. Two rooms and a couple of foyers down, three rooms to go. Between those two activities, I can run 2 miles in 24 minutes and bench press 180lbs. I was surprised by the 2 miles thing, and blown away by the 180. I'd hoped for 1 mile and 150. The food has been good and bad. When it's good, it's very good, when it's bad, it's awful. It's a constant struggle. I'm afraid of eating, but once I start, I'm so hungry I just eat and eat. Also, I couldn't purge because my capillaries around my eyes burst and look awful. Don't know how bulimics do it, I just think about barfing and my eyes puff. Thus, food is the enemy, a necessary evil. I'm starting a healthy/low cal way of eating that I'm hoping will take.
I log my food and activities every day in DP. I don't have to go online to do this, and it allows me a calorie bank. That's good if I have 'cals' in the bank, bad if I've gone over. I try to 'earn' my food every day by if I go over my budget of 1300, I have to work off the excess. One snack of 100 calories or less is allowed, but that's it. To me, 1300 is a lot, since I spent most of the first of the year trying to keep my calories at 800, but even with that, I've not lost anything, so if I can eat 1300 without gaining.... It'll keep me from binges, at least. I did pretty good right up until after dinner, keeping the calories at 500 for the day, but then at 10:00pm, I'd get so hungry my stomach would hurt. When I was a kid, I could eat everything I wanted and never gain. I'm still a little that way, but I also never lose. If working out every morning and running 30 minutes to an hour three times a week while limiting my calories to 1300 or lower doesn't work... I suppose working out twice a day, running even more, and cutting down the calories further? I don't know, this will just have to work.
Enough. I need to work on decluttering the Child's room. She has every toy she's ever owned in her nearly 9 years of life. I put so much work into hauling bags of pebbles and sand (5 50lbs bags) and 6 flat rocks, then placing them in the patio, that I'm feeling very lazy! One energy drink and I'll be back 'in', I'm sure.

Tuesday , June 29th 2004
Official counts:
160lbs
1396 cals in-26% Fat, 28% Protein, 45% Carbs
127 cals out
Ok, I did it. I signed on for another year. I like reading some of the journals and living vicariously, I suppose.
So anyway, went crazy over the weekend, meaning if I was hungry, really tummy growling hungry, I ate. Usually, I just think to The Gut, "You had the meal less than three hours ago, knock off the "I'm starving," routine." Yeah, it's strange, but it's mind over matter, my mind's trying to control my matter.
A thing to be proud of: Every weekday since June 21st, I've woke up at 4:30am, had some coffee, then worked out to Bodies in Motion on FitTv. This is a major thing, since I'm a night owl from birth.
Is it just me or does anyone else see a problem with fast food joints taking credit cards? I know, it's for the debit card people, but still... the potential for food abuse/credit abuse is there. Maybe Michael Moore will do a movie called Bankrupt for Big Macs.
Have to admit, when I do go over or eat something not on my daily menu, I feel bad. Like breaking a promise to myself. Also, it's disgusting, like I have no control over my appetite. Which I probably don't. I can tell, though, that my appetites have changed. I feel better when hungry or a little hungry, than I do when full or nearly over full. A very good development.
The female stuff started today, which is why I had the carbo-cravings like mad and haven't been motivated to clean house beyond the dishes/bedmaking/ general pickup stuff chores today. It's 9, which is bedtime if I want to wake up at 4:30.

Wednesday, June 30th 2004
Today, kids, we discuss the brain and how sometimes it wants to secede from the union. Yep, it's a migraine day. Even so, I did my wake up at 4:30, then worked out at 5:00am. I'm so thrilled with myself for keeping this going. Even if I do nothing else, I've done that.
So it's been a lazy day. There's been a slight load of laundry done, some dishes, and I fixed all three meals for myself. Between the phone ringing and the doorbell ringing, no constant naps were taken. I did nod off due to the migraine meds, and need to run off to bed now. One, because I want 4:30 to be an easy wake up, and two, because I have a bad case of the munchies.
the counts:
160lbs
1320 cals in (270 worth of animal crackers, I had a sugar craving)
127 cals out
budget was a net of 1323
I'm hoping I have more motivation to do more. Right now, it's just not there.

Wednesday, July 14th 2004
What was I saying??? I have no idea. Also, don't know how the time flew.
Ok, I've been doing well, even though I've not logged stuff in CK but in DP instead. Average calories for June was 1783(!!!!) in, which can't be right, but probably is. There was a chicken fried steak in there, plus some sweets, ice cream, all that. I'm doing good, currently, though. The main thing is that this is week four of waking up at 4:30am, working out at 5:00am, then running on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. There's some tweaks, like this week, I couldn't sleep until midnight last night, so I woke up at 4:30, but then passed out, and did the workout at 9:00am instead. Plus, I didn't run on Monday. I had to wait around for the exterminator to call, and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was too hot and tired from cleaning out the basement. It's a cat hair-infested pit down there, and all I wanted to do after 6pm was shower, eat a little dinner (carefully measured Chinese take out) and watch Law & Order SVU before bed.
So on Monday, I was 155, which is a new low this month. There was a Chinese food sale at the local grocery, so I knew that Tuesday would show the soy water weight gain, and sure enough. 158. Then, after eating Chinese food Tuesday, I wasn't expecting much today, but came in at 157. Exactly the same as I was a year ago. Considering that last month's average calories were 500 above what they should have been, I'm happy about the 157. Could be better, but has been worse.
This week and next are going to be good calorie burning weeks. I really must get a few more rooms painted before hubby comes home for a visit in August (yay!!!). Plus, now that we're entering the hot/dry part of summer, finally, I can do a close mowing and be done with that for several weeks at a time. During the spring, I was mowing twice a week, which was great, since it's not a self-propelled mower. With the slight hills and size of the yard, it keeps my heart rate in the 60% range for at least 90 minutes.
Yesterday at the gym was way cool. I'm going back to the gym, finally, to time my two mile runs and to keep me honest on increasing time and distance. I can do a two mile run in 22:00. Yay! When I started running again, a year ago, two miles in 30 minutes was an accomplishment, and usually, I only did a mile or a mile and a half. Ok, so it's not a whole lot, an 11 minute mile, not to the guys at Runner's World, but considering my lack of endurance, it's great to me.
Well, now I need to see how much damage the Awesome Appetizer at the Rainforest Cafe did to me. I'd had no breakfast, and am still way too full to have dinner and it's after 5:00. Usually I don't do the one meal a day thing, but had a doctor's appointment an hour and a half from my home. I'd rather skip than do anything to replace a meal. At one point, I had a whole crowd of kids around my table, since I was in front of the elephants. (that's not good, now that I think about it) Had to put down the chicken strip because I felt icky eating in front of them. After the elephants quit moving and the kids dispersed, then I started chowing down again. So much for that 'out of the traffic' table I'd asked for and not got. Bleh. Adopting the motto of "Thou shalt not masticate in public" would be very helpful to my daily calorie count. Oh, and THEN, my name was wrong in the B. Dalton's database. It was "Larda,” my pet name for myself when I don't want to go any more on the treadmill (usually after 2 minutes I want to quit, then don't if I wait until 5). Sometimes I'll think, "Oh, go ahead, eat that cookie, LAR-DA. Just don't whine if you can't wear clothes and breathe at the same time."
I'm kinda thrilled, tomorrow is a run and weight lift day! Yeah, I'll do the Bodies in Motion, just like always, on the weekday mornings, and then do the run and lift part at the gym on MWF's or in this case TTHSat's. Since yesterday was a beat the clock run, tomorrow's is going to be a how far can you go in 30 minutes without stopping or slowing. I didn't weightlift yesterday, since I knew I'd be carrying a small steam cleaner up and down stairs, plus moving heavy stuff. Tomorrow, though, I'm kicking butt. Maybe. I mean, I have three bookshelves to move down two floors, four or five boxes of books to move with them, then I need to move a small fridge up a flight of stairs. All of a sudden, I feel like taking a nap.....

Friday , July 16th 2004
Someone get a cattle prod, because I really need the boost.
Check in day today, of course, and am I at my weekly low? Of course not. I've been as low as 155 this week, but on Friday, of course I'm at 157.
I pigged out yesterday, but was so hungry in a tummy hurting and growling sort of way. I also didn't do my 5:00am workout but have a good reason (if that's possible, I'm not sure it is). 'Something' woke me up at 2:45am, and I went to check the television, seeing lightening outside. I was a bit surprised to see my county in a tornado warning, since the sirens weren't sounding. They did, about 30 minutes later, then again 30 minutes after that. By the time 5:00am rolled around, I was too concerned about the 90mph winds and potential for golf ball sized hail to change the channel from local news.
So was it an excuse to miss the 9am workout that I could have made up? Was I being a weasel? I don't know, because I'm feeling seriously weary. Yeah, there was a bit of a nap between 6 and 8:30 this morning. That makes about 6 and a half hours of sleep.
Otherwise, I've done the 5 am or 9am workout Monday thru Thursday as planned, did the running two miles on Tuesday and Thursday, with Thursday's being 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. Neither time did I have to stop to catch my breath, something that's a really positive development.
Yesterday, I binged big time on cheesecake, and you know, it wasn't as good as I'd thought it would be. I'm seriously going to reconsider just how much I want it the next time a craving comes up. The PB&J sandwich for breakfast this morning was a lot more satisfying. Usually, I have an egg with toast and 4 oz of orange juice, but hadn't done dishes last night and was too lazy to do so this morning. Maybe I'll just goof off this morning, then hit housecleaning hard this afternoon. I still have some heavy objects to move around the house, a small fridge to move upstairs and three tall bookcases two floors down to the basement.
I'm so sleepy! Think I'll take some pep me up vitamins and nap until they take effect.

Saturday , July 17th 2004
Yay!
The office computer desk I wanted thrown out is dismantled and awaiting bulky item pickup day. Not a big deal unless you consider that I had to haul it downstairs to the garage. Then, I took the tall bookcase out of the foyer and put it in the basement, then filled it up with books. Then, I carried the small fridge up the stairs.
There's a lot more to do, but the heavy stuff is done for now.
I've been binging on sugar free popsicles. It's ok, unless you eat 5 in one day. Ooops. I suppose that's better than the Olive Garden and all you can eat fettuccini alfredo...
I *ought* to go run my usual two miles, but would really rather spend the time either cleaning house or mowing the lawn. It's going to take 90 minutes at a minimum and gets my heart rate up to 65%.
The weight is good, it's at 155, which is a loss. That's so cool.

Sunday , July 18th 2004
I love it when I get things accomplished. The front and back yards are mowed, and what I'd really like to do is get a new weed trimmer, one that will help me get the job done. Currently, the string breaks on the old one so often that most of the time is spent fixing it instead of trimming.
Hubby's coming home!!! The General signed off on his R & R, he even went to Camp Dojah (Dough-ha) to be briefed on how to come home. LOL! He's currently at Camp Arifjan, and has been for the past 9 months. The house and surrounding yard isn't perfect, but I'm sure it'll look perfect to him. Part of it is getting that little fridge I mentioned yesterday full of his favorite drink. I have just barely a month to get everything done, and if I kick it, I can probably get one large, one medium, and two small rooms painted in here, just in time for him to come home. My sister is having surgery on the 28th, so I'd like to get it done, or be done with some of it, by the 25th.
There's some light cleaning to be done around here before I can knock off for the evening, plus I want to be in bed by 9:00 for the 4:30 wake up. I so want to go to Red Lobster for one of their low carb dinners, since I have some protein to make up for today. The budget is about 1300, I've burned up 449 just by mowing, have eaten or drunk 789 calories, so there's a leftover of 900 calories. I'd like to build up my calorie bank, of course, for the Outback, Rainforest Cafe, Tequila Harry's, and Jade Garden, all of which we'll probably go to for hubby's sake. They have a chow hall over there, even had steak and lobster for Independence Day, but still, over here, it's reasonably fresh. Of course, I'm going to be careful and count the calories, but it'd be nice to have a build up so that I don't freak when I go over.
Ok, I'm starving. Better go because not only that, but I'm also very sleepy and want to get a few things done before bedtime.

Friday , July 23rd 2004
This is the week where my stomach is a bottomless pit and every molecule of water I take in stays in. So, 158 is my new 'fat' weight. Next month, I'm hoping 155 will be. I've learned that just because I watch what I eat and exercise, it doesn't mean I'll lose weight.
I care, but I'm tired of caring. I'm sick to death of juggling calories, carbs, and proteins and feeling guilty over every bite I take. For this, I've set up a weekly menu that lists what to eat and when, just so there's no guesswork. I'm just going to eat whatever I want with the rule that the portions must be small enough that I'm almost full when the meal is done. Another rule is the NO food after dinner one. Absolutely none. I do good right up until 8:00pm and get really hungry for a snack. Three or four 'lite' popsicles later....
On the exercise front, I'm good AND bad. Have been doing the 5:00am workout 5 days out of 7, which is the goal. But, since this is the week of massive water. I'm not running and don't have the energy to. Isn't that awful? I did run a mile on Tuesday, and that was hard to get through. It could be, too, that it's so hot and humid here, running is tough to 'push' through. Since I've not done that, carrying tubs of sorted toys and other bulky items around the house has had to substitute for gym time. This is great and much more productive than gym time.
Speaking of time, I have a laundry list of things to get done today, and journaling isn't getting them done.

Saturday , July 31st 2004
You'd think with DSL I'd be journaling up a storm, but no. My sister is in the hospital, now has a fever, plus with hubby coming home in nearly two weeks, I've been busy running around. Household improvement professionals have been trooping through for estimates, the parents visited for a couple of days, my child is back home from her grandparents, so we're all trying to get it together.
I've still been working out most mornings at 5am. My goal is 5 days a week, no matter what days those are. Probably once school starts, I'll make the gym a habit, too. It's easier when the child is in school.
The eating has been up, just because I can. That's gotta stop, though. I've made a menu for the next three weeks and it'll rotate. If I stick to that and keep the eating out to the barest minimum, I'll be fine. Eating out gets me because I can't count or control the calories like when I cook at home. I've made healthy choices whenever possible, like potato and salad at Wendy's instead of burger and fries. There was some soft serve ice cream yesterday, but no donuts for breakfast. I do the treat thing once every other day or so and am trying to get rid of it entirely.
30 minutes three times a day is doing wonders for my figure. I've not lost a lot in weight or inches, but look thinner, so go figure. I feel more toned, at any rate. The sister's health problems have been so stressful for me that I've been sleeping in until 6:30-7:00 some days instead of eating. I'm not happy about that, would rather do neither, but something had to give. Better to work out at 9 and no eat instead of 5 and eat myself awake.

Thursday , August 5th 2004
Whew! Today I have a day off. This week, we've been running back and forth to my sister's house during the day. She'd had surgery a week ago, is getting around fine, but I like to be there just in case. Her house is fun for my kid, my sis's roommate's kid has internet, television, everything in her room. Both kids are best friends.
I had fun cleaning the fridge and pantry. They have tons more snack food than I do. They don't eat leftovers and eat out a lot. We're just the opposite. Pretzels, sugar free Jell-O, and dried fruit are the closest to junk food we have.

My mom and dad think I've lost weight!! I've not at all, and don't think I've lost inches. Whatever weight I've might have lost, isn't really weight but water weight from that monthly stuff. But still, I didn't ask them if they thought I'd lost, because I hadn't. Mom just volunteered the question. My thoughts are, even if I never lose another pound, as long as my food intake is 'clean', I work out 5 days a week for 30 minutes with FitTV, and have a running goal, I'll be fine. Currently, my running goal is 2 miles in 11 minutes, with it ultimately 2 in 8 or 9. After that, I'd like to work on distance, with an ultimate goal of running 5 miles at a time. Once the ultimatums are hit, of course, I'll up it while setting up intermediate goals, too. Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to a day at home today. Sis doesn't need me to babysit her today. So, I'm really wanting to get caught up on housework. Most of the yard work is done, thanks to yesterday evening's mowing. I'd overslept on the 5am thing, so mowed for an hour instead. The mower is gas, of course, but not self-propelled, so my heart rate is about 120-130 bpm the whole time. When I run, it's 130-140, with 150 being too much. At that, I feel like I can't breathe enough.

Monday , November 15th 2004
You know, I did the six meals a day thing, the three meals a day thing, all that, with total calories being 1200 a day. All with the same results, nothing. So I'm cutting down on the eating times to see if that helps. Yesterday I didn't eat until nearly 3pm, today, it's going to be 1pm. I usually only workout 30 minutes in the morning, which isn't nearly enough, so I'm going to need to start my running program again. No food after 7pm, only because 6pm is usually our dinner time. Main thing is, NOTHING after dinner, not a bite. Hubby comes home from Kuwait in 23 days!!! He'll not be 'home' home, but in the States, at least. Emails will be tougher for him to send, but it'll be easier for him to call. That's cool.

Jeeze, did I die or something????

Ok, 2004 was almost perfect, other than Hubby was in Kuwait. While he was gone, I had these wonderful routines that I adhered to like a booger on a kleenex. Once he came back, they all went out the window. I blame the shuffling of responsibilities of his homecoming. He needs to feel useful and needed without becoming the pack horse of the family. Tough balancing act, indeed.

Rant of the day: LOOSE and LOSE are two different words with two different meanings. If you're (NOT YOUR) too ignorant to know the difference, STOP POSTING IN MESSAGE FORUMS. Don't be a dumbass, ok?

Thanks.

Let's see. What was done in 2004? Painted upstairs and most of downstairs, redid the ponds' and stream's liner, kept the lawn mowed much better than now, woke up at 4:30am every morning as a 'kiss my honky ass' to those better-than-thous who say "I get to work at 6am, so I'm much better than you ever will be." But I'm not bitter. I really should have kept up the blog better, then I could look and see that I did get a lot more done than I'm giving myself credit for.

I'm rather sick today, just a little fever with a headache. Makes me double sleepy. I'm going to update my template a little, allow comments (oh joy), then post another entry later. There's knitting classes and projects, marathon training, and goals for my 40th year of life.

Religion and Politics Suck Eggs

Good Lord, it's been over a year and no one noticed I was gone?

Another year older, another year crankier. I could understand the nation stupidly voting for Baby Bush the first time. Another cool father-son team and all that. But after he managed to get us into a war where the average age of those killed is 25? In a war begun under false pretenses? Oh yeah, THOSE wmds. Der! Forgot about them.... Ooopsie. Never mind that one radical guy...remember something about that collapsing buildings thing in New York? Gosh, now WHO was that guy who masterminded that? Oh well, as long as we make money from oil and liquidating Social Security, who gives a rat's ass??

I warned you. Crankier. I've found that everyone who's for Bush either was told to vote for him by their Church, OR are too chicken poop to have actually signed up to go over and fight in the 'holy' war. Let's use our guns on animals only, since, of course, they can't and don't shoot back. Heaven forbid someone who actually is IN the NRA or GOP signs up for the service or gets their own children to. Gee, THAT'S dangerous. Better to let someone else die. Who cares about the casualties as long as you don't know them, right?

Before you get all wrapped around the axil, my husband was deployed. Yes, I've actually had to worry about someone close to me never coming home because Bush and his friends need more wealth. It wasn't ok for Iraq to take over Kuwait for their oil, but it's ok for us to take over Iraq for theirs. Um, right. Currently, my brother in law is over there, being mortared. It's scary, getting an email from a spouse and not knowing if it's the last you'll ever hear from them.

The people who support the war, think we did the right thing and say they support the troops are often the same people who slap a yellow magnet on their car and think that's enough. Some of those guys sent over, most, actually, are reservists who make much more money in the civilian world. THEIR wives and husbands can't afford now to send them any sort of a care package, so, they get nothing. Hey, Bush supporters got their tax increase, right? I don't think that increase will be enough to bury the dead soldier or be enough to support the maimed soldier's family once they return.

I just hate it that those who want to keep their guns don't have the balls to put their money where their over-used mouths are and enlist. You support the war? Prove it. Enlist. Get your children to enlist if you think this war is worth it. My husband signed up to defend our country, NOT to force other nations into our form of government. Enforcing freedom sometimes means letting others be free enough to choose their own way of life. I'm thinking that probably the Iraqis who didn't want to live under Saddam's reign, probably moved elsewhere. He's a bad man who did terrible things, but then, there's been a lot of them in the world and we either ignored them or gave them money because they killed their own people but supported our position at the time.

In the "Good Christian files: On the Today show, there were wives talking about how they'd cheated on their husbands. One wife, wearing a big honkin' cross, shared with the nation how she cheated. Um, yeah. You're a 'good' Christian? If that were me, I don't think I'd be bringing down my religion by advertising that I'm an adultering, hypocritical Christian. "Whoo hoo! Look at me! I cheated on my husband but that's ok, because I'm a CHRISTIAN. I can do anything as long as I go to church every Sunday. I'm so much better than you!"

Christ said "He who looks at another woman with lust in his eyes has already commited adultry." We'll assume that men and women being almost equal, that the 'Christian' chick blew out one of the commandments. You can't say, oh, goofing THAT one up is ok, then turn right around and say, but murder is bad. Christians aren't supposed to allow the wiggle room in that, you know. That's why Catholics aren't 'real' Christians, even though Peter and Paul (two of Jesus's disciples, remember?) started the Catholic church. If the Bible says it, you MUST believe it. Unless, of course, it's in the Old Testament because Jesus changed all that. Or so I've been told by the 'true' Christans. I'm Catholic, so every Christan belonging to the churches after the Catholic one is certain I'm hell-bound.

Me, personally, with all sarcasm aside, we should have had a lot more world consensus on the war. They're UNITED Nations for a reason, not a cool club to belong to unless they tell us no. The least we could have done was listen to why they thought the idea was crap. I personally also don't believe that anyone can truly say they have the answers to God, the Universe, and everything, unless they've actually been dead. Sorry, but unless that happens, I can't believe you're 100% correct about the whole messiah thing. For every Jesus, there's been a billion Koreshs. What if Koresh had been Jesus come back and the ATF wiped him out? Sheesh! About politics, Republicans steal it from you, then the Democrats give it away. Neither side is 100% right, neither is 100% wrong. Something about being in the middle, moderation, maybe....THAT is good, I'm thinking. Ooo, common sense, thinking about things instead of blinding following the rhetoric of the moment...now that's not something you see every day.

Did I write anything yesterday??? Gads! That infantile senility is the pits. Icky news first, Hubby is going to Kuwait proper on Saturday. The good thing about it is the 365 countdown starts on Sunday or Monday, whenever he reports in.

So tired! Last night, I stayed up until 1:30am, woke up the child, then we parked in a dark place and watched the meteor shower. Very cool and the kid really had fun. Of course we took the converible and cranked up the heater once the top was down. We saw about 15 in the hour we were there. The event wasn't as much as I'd hoped, but was a good chance to point out a few constellations to the small fry.

Had the Jeep's door fixed again. He didn't charge me, thank goodness. Nor did we get to talk about hubby's old ways. Good thing, because the weight was up to 155 today. Probably due to the Diet Pepsi I scarfed down last night. I don't know how true addicts kick drugs, I can't even kick soda.

There's more, I know, but I'm so sleepy, tired, and want to work on a commissioned afghan before bedtime. Looking forward to tomorrow's workout, so hoping a migraine doesn't hit because one is due. Also, I had a bit of a headache at the American Legion meeting tonight.

Also had a bit of Sonic food and thought I'd blown the whole day's work, but didn't. I even have enough left to have a snack! Yay because I'm feral hungry right now. There's tons of food here, a lot of leftovers from the past two days CK foods. Plus, grapes and oranges. Yum. I'll have to see what 325 calories will buy me around here.

I wanted to run today, really, I did. But after Monday's run, there's not a jogging bra tight enough to make me feel secure. Talk about pain! Monday's run was painful, sure, but I thought "Endure, endure," the whole time. Tenderness is all part of the PMS joy that is mine. Bleh.

So instead, I 'took the stairs'. Stairclimber at resistance 8 for 30 minutes. Had to bump it down for 10 minutes to 6-7 minutes due to the high heart rate. I'm thinking it was because I'd skipped breakfast and workout time was 11:00pm. Lack of water, too. I'd had two cups of coffee and nothing else. The cool thing is, I benched 90lbs for 15 reps. :D I'd wanted to do another 5, but could only manage 3 more. The bicep curls and tricep extensions were harsh, too. I'd enter in the reps and everything in the My Exercise thing, but it doesn't allow for weight. 3X5 isn't nearly as impressive at 5lbs as it is at 50lbs.

I'm an extremely lucky person. Yesterday, the child and I were invited to two different Christmas parties, one with the Army Reserve, the other with Hubby's co-workers. Plus, I'd been asked a week ago if I'd help with V's school's holiday shop. It's so cute, all the kids come in with money to buy gifts for family members. As a volunteer, I'd help the kids keep to their budget, and help them pick the best gifts. I think this year, since we're doing so well financially (relatively speaking and without lottery winnings), I'm bringing a few extra bucks just in case the kindergarteners aren't prepaired. They usually aren't, and that's fine. By the first grade, they know what's up. :)

Another reason why I'm lucky is that the people at the library loved my class and think I'm good. That'll help with the future knitting classes. The more people that sign up, the more classes we will need and the more work I have. :) I'm hoping something I said was taken the right way...One of the students had a really tough time learning and I had a tough time teaching. I'd told her that it's like Algebra, sometimes it takes a different way of teaching for the lesson to be learned. Thankfully, the lady had a tough time with Algebra herself and knew what I was talking about.

Haven't heard from my guy today, but expected that. He said they'd be running around this week. They're to possibly ship over the 24th (I may have written this before). I bought an extra can of cranberry jelly. Isn't that funny, how I have all these homemade cranberry relish recipes and he'd rather have the Ocean Spray canned stuff? Same with TV dinners. My family comes over wanting gourmet food and he'd rather have TV dinners. They don't expect gourmet, but will scarf it down and lick the plates. :) Not bad, considering how I held the title of Worst Cook in the Family for decades.

Leonid meteor shower tonight!! I've promised to wake up the child to see shooting stars. We'll have to find somewhere unpolluted with light. Where, I don't know. Plus, if you could tune in at 67.5 Mgz, you could 'hear' them.

Must clean house, do dishes, all that. After working out, plus the class, I'm pooped. We did a bit of grocery shopping tonight, too. I absolutely hate it when people don't pay attention to where their carts go. If one more person nearly hits or hits my child with those things, I'm going postal on them. Seriously. She's a child, they're adults. If they can't watch what they're doing, they have no business being allowed in public. She shouldn't have to live in fear of getting slammed by one of them, she should be the one running amok. The kid is such a joy, is so well mannered, that for people to be so careless around her ticks me off to no end. I'd like to throttle them. >:|

Ok, back to happy. Especially since I'll be reading the Adventures of Super Diaper Baby. When I was last at the School's library, I checked out 4 kid books for fun. One of my guilty pleasures is reading kid's books. Besides, how could a person resist reading "The Chicken Gave it to Me"?

Workout was great, if brief, yesterday. Food was ok, considering. I'd had one of those Halloween packs of Teddy Grahams for breakfast, to keep myself out of the ice cream (it worked), then was stuck at the bank during the lunch hour. After that was getting the Jeep fixed. The bank is in a grocery store, and the deli had a chinese food special. Good for me that I ate it there. With to go, they give you more food. :) Less is more. I had a little bit of diet soda (considering), then snacked a little on ice cream (a quarter cup) in the evening. I need to add that to the calorie list.

Ran a mile at 5.5mph, yesterday, plus benched 80lbs 15 times. The ultimate goal is running 3 miles at 7.5 and benching 95 for 20 times. It's a German Army PT contest that Ft. Leavenworth has every year. I can't enter, of course, not being active duty, but it's something my hubby and I can do 'together'. We can compare notes and progress, essentially being a fan of each other.

Speaking of hubby and fanship AND weight....Our mechanic is a high school friend of my hubby, so I 'get' to hear all these bad boy stories about him. Yay. Stories about the German cathouse girls knowing him by name bothered me, as did the fact that his 'first' love and girlfriend looked like a model. (hubby's friend's words)

Begin Dark Psyche part

Now, logically, I know that while stationed in Germany, hubby was single and hadn't even met me. That being true, I also know that he has enough pride to not pay for 'it'. Finally, he's pretty cheap. He'll spend big bucks on quality while skimping on the transitory. Like, live in a mansion and drive a junker. His best friend being a mechanic helps, believe me. :D

Anyway, even though it happened 16 years ago, and husband 2 is nowhere the pond scum husband 1 was...husband 1 slept with paid chicks several times and told me they were worth the money. I'm always surprised by my pictures from that time frame. The younger me was gorgeous, thin, and just cute in general. I remember always feeling so fat, ugly, and plain in personality. Funny what brainwashing can do, huh? After 16 years, am I over it? My icky feelings yesterday when Bill said hubby was on a first name bases with the hired help made me think I had issues. Today, though, I think it's more of after having eaten something bad (like raw liver) I remember the taste and still shudder from it. I think I'm over it, just haven't forgotten how horrible it felt during that time.

Now, I don't know about you gals, but to hear that a former girlfriend looks like a model while you feel anything but, is tough. Using logic again, they dated two years, we've been married for ten. She and he weren't suited, didn't have the same life goals, while he and I infinitely do. At the same time, he hasn't seen her since she was 19, while he's seen me at 38. (gasp! my age always shocks me) Yeah, I looked great at 19, too, but the last time he saw me, I didn't look that good. I remember thinking 120lbs was fat, now I'm thinking I'll be emaciated at 130.

I'm babbling. The comment just pings that 'you're fat' feeling. Plus, there's no way I could be as skinny as a model, even if I wanted to. I need my muscle, otherwise, my metabolism makes turtles look like they're on speed. I can't eat low enough to get skinny, either. The low blood sugar gives me headaches, I lose concentration, and get very cranky. Plus, I flat out don't have the will power. Should I admit my loss of control sometimes? When I'm super hungry, it's like I'm feral and blind to common sense. Must. Have. Food.

End of Dark Psyche

Need to call the bank and see what's up with the lost paperwork. Also need to reply to emails. :)

Note to NBC: When the country is at war, another country has nukes and says whatcha gonna do about it...Don't break into programming to announce that one state has ruled in favor of same sex marriage. It's like running the Civil Defense sirens over a rainstorm. The ruling is a momentous event in civil liberties, not civil defense.

It could be just me, growing up in a time where those tests of the American Broadcast System was something that made you think WWIII had finally begun.

Gotta love PMS. Makes a gal take everything personally. A leaf falls off the tree outside, and I'm there asking "What? You don't like me anymore?"

Oh Lordy. I've turned back into a teenager...OMG! He, like, SO called!!! Isn't THAT a hoot from a coot? :D

(coot = old person for you non-southerners)

I love watching the British House of Commons on CSPAN. Always feel like yelling "Fight, fight, fight!"

So anyway, hubby is fine, lonely, spending at Walmart. :D So cute. The little ole gal driving them (he and the Master Sargent) around is 20 yrs old. I LOLed because I have jeans in my closet older than her. Seriously. It's a goal of mine to wear them before my 40th birthday.

The little ole gal was born in '83, the year I graduated so, yeah, I'm old enough to be her mother.

Sigh. I forget that I'm that old. Here I go, bee bopping through life, and something will remind me that I'm nearing 40. I'll think, "No way!", then of course, "Way!" because I AM that old. :D

Ok, I'm hubby-less and child-less on a Saturday night and what thrills do I seek? Well, as I was driving home with new yarn store yarn, a large diet soda and burger from Wendy's, and a batch of borrowed DVD's, I'd realized that my life has become a lot less beer and guy soaked in the past 10-11 years. Heh heh. That's good, though. The only thing worse than being 38 and acting 28 is being 38 and acting 18. At some point you have to put self-destructive behavior behind you and begin damage control.

Speaking of which, I did ask for the small fries, but since I'd wanted the biggie diet soda, I got the biggie fries. There's no way I'm throwing away food unless it's evolving into a lab experiment. That's why I'd asked for small specifically. The Wendy's down the road ALWAYS screws it up. Mc D's isn't much better and Wendy's is tastier anyway.

Exercise today was cleaning house. Putting away laundry requires going up and down stairs, so that counts for something. My weight today was a shocking 152. Shocking after a couple of 157's last week. I'm getting to where I do care about weight, but more about muscle and getting trimmed.

Food is still a struggle. I'm going to have to work on it more...

http://www.theonion.com/3944/news3.html

Freakin' funny, that.


What makes an interesting journal? Is it gratuitous sex and violence? Teenager syle anquish? Illicit activities? Glorious triumps? Social commentary? With that leads to outrageous political, religious, financial opinions. Are these what makes for good reading? What about a good hook in the last paragraph, like, I've already found the solution to the problem, but I'm going to not tell you until tomorrow, so tune in then.

Ok, well, here's a controversial statement. I think the term Metrosexual is a load of crap. In MY day, men who used 'product' and spent tons of time on their appearance were called egotistical when they weren't called gay. They're trying to make it out to be an entirely new sexuality when it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with 'me me me'. Totally retarded. Besides, when I hear 'metrosexual', I think of buses or subways gettin' down with it. Don't think about straight guys getting facials, wearing silk, and suddenly camping their way through life.

The week in recap....Monday was orthodontist, my last visit. :D Tuesday was headache, Wednesday was classes taught, Thursday was web time and workout, Friday is library and lunch with child day. :D Tomorrow I don't know, while Sunday is pic up child from her auntie's.

Hubby called yesterday! So nice to hear his voice versus a telemarketer's. I love that man of mine.

Love the child. She and I went to the Olive Garden for dinner last night. One last 'eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we diet'. She is a wonderful dinner companion, very articulate and just funny. Such a charming little person

It's been ONE WEEK.

I so must update my calories. What a supreme bum.

Don't think I'll like today's Dr. Phil. Stay at home and out of the home moms are fighting about who's doing the best. Who's right? Heck, who knows? It's a choice that has to meet the needs of the child and parent.

I'm working out tomorrow, not today. It's too rainy, I'm cold, and tired from not sleeping last night.

Later: I'm right. The moms are pissing me off. What's this "You're a bad mom if you work." What about, "You're a bad DAD if you work." What about men who don't do a damned thing for their kids? Not that moms aren't important, but men need to step up and take responsibility for the sperm that took.

Let's see if this test works...

http://www.geocities.com/lauraks555/msandv.JPG







Obviously NOT. I suppose I'm going to have to pay to upload images to here, since I can't seem to pull them off my own website. Damn it all.

Hungry hungry hungry.

That eating thing I did last week spoiled me rotten. Now, my tummy actually THINKS it needs food. I knew I wasn't doing any favors to myself by eating too much.

Am I whining? Probably. I can deal with cutting out some of my favorite foods. After a while, I don't even miss them. But right now, sticking to or below 1200 calories in is tough. Tonight is pizza night and it's hard to wait. Since kid sister is coming over tonight to do laundry, I'm popping pizzas in the oven now. I've allowed myself half a pizza, it's already entered, but I'm also filling half a large plate with salad (minimal dressing). Usually, I eat off the smaller plates.

Ok, done with pizza. Very tasty and now it's Bonus Treks time.

Workout was good, I ran/walked for 30 minutes. The average speed was 4.7mph, a bit of a jog. I did happen to bump up the running to 7.5mph, just to see if I could do it, since it's a goal for later to run 3 miles at that rate. So far, it's 2.4 at 4.7, obviously. :)

I keep checking my emails, the answering machine, for word from hubby. Nada, and it's Friday, for crying out loud. He's in the States. If he were overseas, I'd understand not calling or emailing, but surely the others have lives that aren't being interrupted and can cut hubby loose enough to email.

I've noticed lately that I'm feeling 'harsh' towards myself. Like, when I read other people's web logs, I refrain (or want to) from giving pats on the back or encouragement. Why? Because I'm thinking they'll reply "So? Why should I give a rat's butt what YOU think?" I don't know why, but I keep thinking other's attitude towards me is probably a "YOU are talking to ME?", like I'm bothering them by exsisting and who am I to talk to them. Does that make sense? Have no idea why I'm suddenly feeling so insignificant, usually this is reserved for PMS and that type of moody body chemistry.

Could it be the lack of calories making me go stark raving mad??? Could it be I NEED a healthy slice of cheesecake??? I think not, but I like the idea. :D Most likely it's due to the lack of sleep since hubby left. With the car being cut into, plus our basement window screen being ripped away, I can't sleep with hubby being gone. We have an alarm system with a beep every time a door or window is opened, there's a couple of guns where I can get to them, plus as always 911 is on the speed dial, so we're not open to the world and waiting for robbery.

What does that have to do with diet and health? Cortisol from not sleeping leads to pot belly, something that I'm actually losing. While my weight hasn't changed from 155, I measured and I've lost nearly two inches in my tummy! Yay! My chest, measured under the armpits and above the bust, and my waist are the only two places that haven't lost. The chest has increased due to back and pectoral exercises, I'm sure. The waist being the same I can handle, just as long as the tummy is decreasing. That's what really makes me look fat. Other than the fat itself.

Taught my knitting class today. Everyone sort of knew the difference between a knit and a purl except one. Sheesh. It was tough to have patience, because when I wanted to pause and have her do some practice rows, she argued and complained that if she wasn't knitting the mitten like she wanted, she wasn't knitting at all. I'm like, you're trying to run when you don't know how to walk, for cryin out loud.

God, tomorrow, I've got to take the yowling cat back to the base at 11:20. Before that, I need to return the movies we checked out. Actually, I may just keep them and watch the unwatched one tomorrow night. It's only a dollar penalty for lateness, even at that, it's less than blockbuster's one rental.

Heard from my beloved. He misses us but managed to send a short and sweet email. I love that man. :) He's wonderful and I miss him like crazy. I really try not to think about him too much, or I just get sad and lonely.

I need to wrap this up. I'm starving!! Too much so to sleep, so I'll probably snack lightly then go to bed.

I miss him.

Hubby deployed today. It's only been one day, and already I'm counting down the 365 days his orders were cut for, plus the 2-3 weeks he'll be stateside getting weapons qualified. He's much more worried about his abilities than I am. He's freakin' amazing. Super efficient, super organized, just fantastic. The crazy thing is, he thinks just as much of me. Worships me like I worship him. Why? I don't know. I think I'm not worthy, hence the 'Perfection' blog of me trying to be a better person.

I did cry a lot (for me) at the airport. Already miss his skin and the warmth of his body. Got to hear his voice today when he called. Wonderful. :) Sometimes, I listen to his voice on his cell phone answering machine, just to hear it. I like how I sound when I'm leaving him a message. I recognize the sweetness in my voice as sincere love, since I sound like my sisters.

Talked to mom today and am SO HOPING they can come up for Christmas. I'd like a reason to decorate the house and am thinking about getting a webcam just so Hubby can see in on us. :) I think his birthday on Wednesday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas will be a wash, if only because we won't know where exactly to send gifts and turkey jerky. :D I should get his food dehydrator and whip up some dehydrated turkey, stuffing, and cranberries. }:D

We had seafood tonight, the Long John Silvers crabcakes were killing me. I ate all my dinner, which was too much. Actually, I don't like eating fast food or even eating out because I can't control the ingredients and food quality. The child and I had a treat tonight, but tomorrow, it's back to food as usual.

I'd like to resume this perfection thing, if only because I have 364+2-3 weeks to whip myself into shape. Both Hubby and I want to train for the German Army PT Test. At this point, I'd just like to pass the US Army PT test. My immediate goal is to run 2 miles in 18 minutes, a 9 minute mile. I can run 2 miles, but it's in 20-30 minutes. (how fast did I run that again??? can't remember) Also need to do 40 pushups in 2 minutes and 40 sit ups in 2 minutes. Pushups are improving, but the situps are a no-go due to lower back pain. I can, however, do 3 sets of 60 crunches. Hey, it's a baseline. :) Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym to get the stats on where I'm starting, then programming out goals from there. :)

I last did this in freakin AUGUST? Holy crap, a lot has happened.

Well, not a whole lot, just hubby is being deployed, my car was cut open, I rolled into a parked car with my hubby's car, an I had a bad pap come back. You know what I mean if you're female. The bad thing is doing without my love and best friend for over a year. Miss him already.

My new fat weight is 155. My size 9s fit good, snug but not tight, and I'm really feeling slim, even if I'm still heavier than I want to be. :)

Ug. PMS, new fat weight is 157. I hate this.

I'm in the process of a life makeover. I want to carve out a life plan complete with health, work, and family goals. When I've hammered out the game plan, I'll let you know. I want these goals to be realistic, measureable, and incremental.

Is perfection realistic? Sure! If it's your personal version of perfection. Is being 5'10" perfection for ME? No, because I'm 5'3". My goals will lead me to perfection on my own terms and in a day or two, I'm taking you along for the ride.

P.S.

The good thing is, my new 'fat day' weight is lower by 5 lbs. Now, when I'm fat, it's because I've hit 155-156. Down 4-5lbs since last month. I suppose SOME progress has been made.... all is not lost.

I suck. Not in a good way, either.

I've done nothing productive or good in the time since I last posted and it's been over a month. I really must get my act together. The only thing really swell I've done is dig a couple of ponds in the back yard. The whole thing is almost done, I just need to finish the border and plant a few things. It's so freakin' hot outside, though, that it's hard to get anything done.

I'm going to re-evaluate my goals, the list, everything. I'm extremely disappointed in myself.