Hi there! Still not doing the sweater a day, nor have I finished the treatment, yet, but as for everything else, I'm doing ok. The house is cluttered still, but clean, child and I have been swimming every day, and I've been sticking to my latest diet since Monday. Not a world record, I know, but good for me.


Let's see... anything scandalous or exciting? Not really. Went to Ft. Leavenworth last weekend and spent the night in a really nice suite thanks to husband being a Major in the Army. He's a reservist, so I'll forget how rank works sometimes. Whenever he goes on base or post, the enlisted guards salute him and I think that's so cool. I really admire and love the guy, and don't believe him for one second when he says he's average.


I'm scoping out some beautiful 'day in the life' entries over at Wordgoddess. Wow. Very inspiring. I really must do more with my life. I think tomorrow I'll put a day in the life in here since it's already 9am here and I want to get some things done.

Before I go, here's the stats:
Date Cals In Curr #'s %fat #'s Lost See below Basal
6/26/03 1384 164 6 126 1749
6/27/03 1690 163 7 154 1769
6/28/03 2450 164 6 223 1855
6/29/03 1184 164 34.4 6 108 1729
6/30/03 1179 165 5 107 1738
7/1/03 1126 160 34 10 102 1684
7/2/03 947 160 10 86 1666

On the see below: This is what I would weigh if I ate like that every day. If every day I had no more or less than 1126 calories, I'd weigh 102. It's good to see that even if I eat 1690, way over goal, it's still less than what I'd need to maintain 160, where I'm currently at.

Things to do today:
The tasks for today, 7-2.

Make beds, Pick up clothes
Yoga and Gym
Swim with child
Dust furniture
80 oz water
Vacuum
Vacuum chairs and room edges
Wash dishes, counter, microwave
Organize one thing in home
Hook up digital camera
Shower
Laundry
Sweep and clean outside
Knit
Write
Call Steph
Spend time with children or spouse or family member or good friend.
Read positive affirmations twice today.
Write down goals for life
Face and teeth

These are things for later as I can get to them:
The water main down in the basement
Basement
Clean out garage
Sweep garage
Flexible gas connectors
Ground-fault circuit interrupters
Clean freezer
Clean closets
Smoky chimney

Woo hooo!!! 160!! I've been here at 160 for a couple of days, but what with PMS, it's sure to drop in a week's time. :D Me very happy starvation paid off.

I've been keeping it low in the calories lately, at least below 1500 a day no matter what the workout. ;) It works.

Here is part of my calories and weight:
Dates Cals Weight Body fat lbs lost You ate enough to weigh this:
6/1/03 1153 164.5 5.5 105
6/2/03 1522 165 34.5 5 138
6/3/03 1483 163 7 135
6/4/03 2000 162 8 182
6/5/03 1100 163 7 100
6/6/03 2000 164 6 182
6/7/03 2000 165 5 182
6/8/03 2000 166 4 182
6/9/03 2000 166 4 182
6/10/03 1500 167 3 136
6/11/03 1014 164 34.5 6 92
6/12/03 1367 165 5 124
6/13/03 1180 165 5 107
6/14/03 1590 162 8 145
6/15/03 1840 162 34.5 8 167
6/16/03 1585 163 7 144
6/17/03 1080 162 34.3 8 98
6/18/03 1370 163 7 125
6/19/03 1540 160 34 10 140
6/20/03 1450 160 34.2 10 132
6/21/03 1810 161 34 9 165
6/22/03 1500 160 10 136
6/23/03 1560 160 10 142
6/24/03 1395 160 10 127

At this rate, I don't think I'll ever be Calista or Lara, but heck, I'll settle for NOT being Moby or Shamu.


Anyway, since I haven't updated in ages, I'll let you in on what's going on:

Friend is still paying back money owed.

Piano tuned and keys don't stick anymore. Very good.

We have a new DVD player in the bedroom and the movies are fun.

Brake light on car came on but with a bit of fluid, went back off. It freaked me out because I'm still having nightmares from when my brakes failed and I wrecked my car 20 years ago(!)

Doing very well on the housecleaning via The List and sticking to most of it.

I do tend to drop stuff and not work out when I either have a headache or a cold. Now, it's a cold and I'm praying the headache doesn't start tomorrow, because it's due.

Child and I have been swimming some afternoons. Husband has been Army duties this month but made time to give me 9 pink roses, one for each year we'd been married. He's such a catch, I adore him.

Started cleaning up my yarn room and realized I have way too much yarn. Gads! A major goal is to knit a sweater a day on the Bond knitting machine. I'm still working on my Dad's fish socks.

Downloaded tons of The Sims objects I'm finding in various places.

There's a ton of stuff I need to do, design my work website, finish a screenplay treatment and develop a few more ideas, get ready for the neighborhood garage sale (not gonna happen, sorry). Etc.

Not only are my child's dresser drawers done, but my bookcase for the vast fields of yarn stored in my basement office has been assembled. Tres cool and tres filled already.

We had the carpets professionally cleaned, cost a fortune but worth it. We need to have the air ducts cleaned since when I tried to vacuum up dust out of one of them, I retrieved huge chunks of wood. (huge meaning at least 2 square inches)

Here's my list to do for tomorrow:

„R Wash dishes, counter, microwave
„R Make beds, Pick up clothes
„R 80 oz water
„R Yoga and Gym
„R Clean oven, stove hood, and freezer
„R Replace vacuum bag and air filter
„R Organize one thing in home (today it was papers I tend to stack around, I don't know what tomorrow)
„R Fix broken window bars (only one window left to fix)
„R Clean out garage
„R Basement AKA hellhole
„R Sweep garage
„R Sweep and clean outside
„R Clean closets ƒn
„R Swim for 30 mins
„R Knit
„R Write
„R Face and teeth (wear the freakin' retainers!!!)
„R Take up a new exercise.
„R Find a new way to be more productive.
„R Write down goals for life

Let's see, there's more I didn't do than I did. Here's what I didn't get done.
Yoga
Workout Tape
Clean on part of the Basement
Wash Bed Sheets and Finish Laundry
Clean sinks and tubs, toilets and mirrors
Clear Papers in Kitchen
FINISH putting together Child's Dresser Drawers
Dust furniture
Vacuum
Write on the Australian screenplay, maybe come up with some new ideas
Knit on Dad's socks, maybe design new items
Face and teeth (I wear retainers and have oily skin. And I'm 38. It BITES)

I know. There's more that I did happen to do, though. :P I think one thing I must do is finish my Dr Phil's Life Matters book and get my act together.

Whew. Back down to 164 and falling. Did the holiday thing, ie, too much food, plus had pizza and chinese just yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to enter THIS one in. Tons of food.

School is almost out. I'm going to have to come up with things to do for the Small Fry that'll keep her active and entertained.

Gosh, nothing to write. Well, did go to lunch with the guys from State Street and Robb's family. I miss those guys.

I had a good time with the family over the holidays.

Came home to a messy house and promptly printed out a todo list. Barely did anything on it, but then, see above lunch. :) After that, working out, and running errands, I seriously only did dishes. Today will be better. If I work out, and I'd like to, I'll just do a tape here at home.

Here's today's things I'd love to do:
Yoga
Workout Tape
Clean on part of the Basement
Shower (I think this is a given)
Wax Eyebrows and Color Hair
Pick up clothes
Wash Bed Sheets and Finish Laundry
Clean sinks and tubs, toilets and mirrors
Clear Papers in Kitchen
FINISH putting together Child's Dresser Drawers
Dust furniture
Kitchen, dishes, counters, that sort of thing
Vacuum
Make beds
Write on the Australian screenplay, maybe come up with some new ideas
Knit on Dad's socks, maybe design new items
Face and teeth (I wear retainers and have oily skin. And I'm 38. It BITES)
Drink 80 oz water throughout the day

Doin' the bump, ow! Sexy Sexy!

Or not.

I was in a tizz this morning when bloating up to 167 on the scale, then just before showering, I jumped back on while nekkid and weighed two pounds less. So, I took that. :D

Hand still hurts, folded laundry, threw small dinner party for Sister's birthday. She's 35!! NO! She can't be that old! She's younger than MEEEE.

Mom and Dad's anniversary, today, (May 22), too. 39 years. Weird, I can't imagine being with MYSELF that long, much less someone else.

Oo oooh! I was buying some wine, the lady asked what year I was born and when I replied '65, she said "No! You can't be." It might have been a flattery thing, but I don't think she's that good an actor. Plus, I have good genes from my dad. Didn't get the skinny ones, but DID get the youthful :D I can diet easier than I can install cranes to keep my boobs on my chest.

I'm a class mom taking care of some of my child's classmates at the zoo tomorrow, plus, I need to pack for the weekend. Also working on a new chart in Excel that will keep track of my calorie intake.

Something that I really must do is read Self Matters by Dr. Phil and really nail down an action plan for my life. I'm not good with limbo and think I'm getting even lazier than before. I need to write down and solidify what it would take for me to truly be perfect. I know, not attainable, but still, I'd like to try to get close. It's kind of like lightspeed, you can't reach it, but you can get 99.999999999% there.

Worked out today, StairClimber for 20 mins, then ran 1/4 mile at 5 mph just for fun(!!!) Weird. Never did THAT before, but just wanted to. The bad hand (Still!!!) made Cobra pose in yoga and pushups (8) painful, so I left off with the other arm and chest exercises. I'd like for this to HEAL, thankyou! Didn't do the leg press due to the psoas muscle. I'll need it for the long trip tomorrow (it's a muscle you SIT on) and THAT'S the last muscle I want to irritate.

Neck muscles don't like crunches. Funny how they're sore but my abs aren't.

THIS is a hoot: http://rumandmonkey.com/news/

I love it.

So anyway, the only things I got done yesterday was the Nemesis (watched it, like it ok, cried when Data blew up), worked out.

Ohhhh, that's so bad. One thing that's really bothersome is my left hand. There's something major wrong with the thumb muscle. I can't even lift a glass of tea without it giving on me. Did last night's dishes this morning and ow. Gad, it hurts. I'm knitting like a fiend to get rid of this ick yarn that's probably the culprit in my painful hand thing. It's a hat, there's just a few yards left and it's OVER. bleh.

Good: Have stuck to the new diet so far today.

Bad: Haven't done anything around the house and it's 11:00am.

Things must do:

Get Nemesis since it's out today.
Work out at the gym.
Finish up the laundry.
Self-maintenance (I'm overdue for a grey touch-up and eyebrow trim.
Finish up the child's dresser drawers (there's tons of screwdriver work and it's cramping my hand!)

People are really starting to piss me off. Rude/aggressive drivers and telemarketers/salesmen. All I want to do is go from point A to point B without totalling my car and it seems others are damned and determined to wreck. Buttheads. Then, with all the salescalls and stuff, I'm like, no I don't want it, no, I don't want it, no, I don't want it. I'm going to have to start asking, did I call you? No? Then what makes you think I want this? Buttheads.

I'm trying to be positive. Not working. Maybe I need to double up on Zoloft.

Enduring "the View". Wouldn't you just HATE it if your name was synonomous with 'Blowjob' ala 'Monica'? Eeesh!

Wrapping up, going to Diaryland to post pms rants, then attacking the list.

Ok, updated at Diaryland first, plus I changed it to look like this. Still gave credit to this Andrew guy who designed the template. I love it, Andrew, so THANKS A LOT!!! Seriously. It's me and I love it.

Accidently learned some HTML while doing the conversion from Blog to DL. Just can't get away from computer conversions, can I? First from Mainframe to Client/server, then Client/server to distributed apps, then to webpage.

Sims Superstar is out today. It's a freakin' miracle I'm not playing it right now. I'm eating lunch, working out, THEN getting it. :D Actually, I should do dishes and start something in a crockpot because I know I'm going to be useless for the rest of the day. :D

Weight is down a pound to 164. Seriously considering laxatives but don't want to spend that much time on the loo.

Sounds a lot better than Crapper, huh?

Friends: Gotta Love Them

Howdy! It's 1:37 am here and I'm sleepy. The below is cut and pasted from my Diaryland entry. I'm a lazy person at heart (like you didn't know, right?) and don't want to type the same thing twice. Bad news, I'm up to 165lbs today. Don't know what the hell went wrong, how I can gain 4 lbs in two days. They were only TWO f*in' donuts.

On to the Diaryland entry:
Here I am.


You know, writing this stuff earlier in the day might be a better thing. That way, I can come up with spicy stuff. Yeah, fiction, but so what? Do you REALLY want to know about the crusty stuff in the bathtub that needs cleaning?


Didn't think so.


Anyone check out that Isabella V. runaway blog? It's fiction that's trying to pass as real. Much like a friend of mine. Ha.


Ok, there's a friend who owes me money. She's had it for a year, exactly $1500. Keeps saying she'll pay it back and we've had some financially crappy times where even $10 would have been a boon.


So I get an email last week from her saying she's sending something. I don't reply, not trying to be mean or because I'm angry, like she thinks. Just don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I suppose I could cut and paste the "Ok! That's great! Be sure not to send so much that it puts YOU in a bind," from all the emails I've sent that said that. There's been several.


I'd typed that "don't worry" crap last summer, then gone to steal money from my kid's piggy bank to buy toilet paper and food. I didn't like hearing about her driving a nicer car than I have (not hard to do, BTW) or about her going to Red Lobster and the movies when I'd not been to either in six months or more. Hell, McDonalds would have been a treat.


Things are extremely much better, now. Far far better and we're fantastic. It was only last summer that it was the total sh*ts around here. My sister would come over and complain about the heat and why didn't we turn on the air. Um, because we couldn't afford it, maybe? Child and I would go to Walmart just to walk around and enjoy the refrigerated air. I usually managed to scrape up enough to get her a slushie. Not every time, but sometimes.


Another one was the "Why don't you just move to a smaller house?" Probably because once we sold our home and gave every cent to pay it off, we'd STILL owe money. That leaves us living in a car and trust me, I'd rather skim by, bouncing as few checks as possible while trying to pay bills than live in my piece of crap car. ( Have to say stuff like that about my car. Every time I actually like my car, something falls off it or explodes. Seriously. I'm NOT kidding.)

So anyway, former best friend like a sister emails me today saying she really is sending the money and wants to patch things up. I haven't replied due to not knowing what to say that doesn't make me sound like a total bitch. I'm wanting to say, "Riiiight. I'll be here by the mailbox, WAITING." It's a joke around here, when she's 'sending' anything. I tell my husband, we laugh because we know it's not going to happen, then go on our way. Every once in a while, when he's really fretting over bills, he'll comment that it would be nice to get something. Then we laugh again like it would actually happen and go on our way.


I'd sent her the money because she needed it to get a car. No car, no job. No job, no home for her and her kid and I couldn't let that happen. Was I stupid? I didn't think so at the time, now I'm thinking "blithering idiot" when I like me, "f-ing mornon" when I don't.


I'm still not so sure I'd just let her and her kid starve. To do over, I'd probably write the check again. Give away the last bit of our savings, again.


Double dumbass on me. The nice thing is now I *know* I can't rely on her to be totally honest. Everything she says goes to the "Whatever" part of my brain. If she wasn't going to send anything, she shouldn't have told me she was. Then, I wouldn't have told my husband that yes, she is going to pay us back and then be proven wrong. Over and over again.


I don't know why she wants to be my friend, anyway. I don't have any more money to 'loan' her. That's another thing I can't just email. "What? I'm broke now and of no use to you. Why would you give a crap what I think about you??? Why would you want to be MY friend? What do you think I can do for you because I don't see a damned thing."


But I'm not bitter. Or pissed.

Well I've managed to poop off this morning. I had high expectations but low drag. :D

I've been surfing, downloading music. I'm STILL finding Sims stuff to download. Man, I love the idea of clicking a person's face and controlling them so completely. I can't control anything, even myself, and love that little fantasy world.

Good thing I've never tried street drugs, huh? Anyone addicted to computer games and Diet Pepsi should stay away from crack.

After I enter in here, I'll probably finish up online, then clean, then work out, then be more lazy. Husband gets dibs on the computer tonight, so I'm trying to get my fix over with during the day.

Ate gourmet from Dean and Deluca for Mom's day yesterday, plus two donuts. Now, I could have eaten six of them 6 months to a year ago, but after the first yesterday, I was rather queasy. Of course I ate the second one right away, it was a Bismark, fer Pete's sake. When faced with a wall of different donut varieties, THAT'S the one I pick out every time. If there are none there, then I don't waste the stomach space.

I've become a lot more selective in my eating. Smaller portions of more expensive food so the grocery bill stays the same, I'm just more expensive per pound. Ha ha ha!

I absolutely love the song "She F*ing hates me". The radio pushes it by taking out the ck part of f*ing so it really is fuhin' hates me on the radio. I think THAT'S a bit much. Especially around the grade-schoolers. Really hate it when teenagers use bad language around my kid. I mean, come on, is it going to be that hard to let her be a kid for at least a couple of years more? Kids today are bombarded with adult themes and it's tough to be a filter ALL the time. Think about it, did you have any idea what gay love was when you were in first grade? I had to date a couple in college before I knew they REALLY existed. (I was sheltered, ok?)

Am not weighing today, too bloated from the asparagus last night. Might as well eat some hummus, chili with beans, boiled eggs, and those lab experiments formerly known as artichokes. Give my intestines a really good workout.

Did you know that downloading five songs at a time @ 45k bogs down your internet connection? Who knew?

Me want high-speed, me too cheap.

Ok, must print out new daily task list and hop to it. Later.

Getting better about blogging.

Seeeeee????

Like, you care.


Sometimes, when I'm chatting at people, I think, why do I think they give a rat's butt what I'm saying? Do I even care about what I am and what I'm saying. Now, I'm not saying I'm invisible or won't be missed if I disappear, but sometimes, I feel really...transparent. Yeah, like I'm not really there.

Achieved a few things yesterday. The big one was my husband folding all the laundry. Something I'd dreaded doing and he did it for me. I worship that man. I found the perfect pillow for my Mom for Mother's day. She and I like the flattish ones, me, I love the goosedown ones in hotels and motels. Have even thought about swiping one just because I couldn't find them anywhere else. You know it. I found them. They were hiding out at Linen 'n Things and I had a $10 off coupon. I bought her the cheapest goosedown, still more expensive than the highest priced polyester and a 100 times better. Dad's getting BBQ tools for his birthday tomorrow and stupid me didn't even think about the card until yesterday. What a dumbass I am a lot of times. Good thing I have that sweet I care about people thing going, otherwise, I'd be in a shallow ditch somewhere, decomposing. :P

Food so far: Yogurt, orange, small pita sandwitch with ham, cheese, and deli mustard. Wanted hummus (is as us?) but am letting intestins calm down after the bean-laden chili incident of Monday. (how the HELL do you spell intestines) Uh, ok. Never mind.

Received $5 off coupon for Red Lobster via email. So now I HAVE to go to the Rainforest Cafe to redeem my two $5s from there as well as RL. How about $5 at RFC, $5 at Joe's Crab Shack (a RFC subsidiary), AND $5 at RL? Spending at least $100 to save $15. ;D

I'll probably just sneak around and have my lunches at those places. Lunch is cheaper and the coupons go further that way.

Worked out yesterday. :D Stairs for 20 mins on the aerobic training instead of fat burning. Sort of took it easy at level 5 or 6 because I knew I'd need my quadrecepts (I know, spelling) for leg lifts. I love doing those and my legs aren't even sore today like I thought they'd be. I lifted 180lbs with them for two sets of 8-12 reps. They were a little tough, but obviously not impossible. I scooted my feet to where the toes hung off the edge and did calf presses, too.

I couldn't remember The Matrix Reloaded opens on my birthday? What a non-dork. That, ST:Nemesis on DVD, and The Sims and I'm good. :D Finding Nemo opens the next weekend, I think, and we're there for that one, too. Some movies, I MUST see on the big screen.

Woke up with a hideous headache this morning so after this I'm on an ice pack. I don't know WHYYYY the headache today. I'd bought a bottle of wine but hadn't even opened it, no cheese, no chocolate, no anything. What a major pain in the ASS.

Spent some time at www.crimescene.com today working on a case. While reading the interviews, I had the feeling that it was fiction and lo and behold, it was. They didn't post that anywhere obvious, but the interviews sounded so incredibly stupid and badly written in a Dragnet sort of way (you KNOW Dragnet was fiction so bad dialogue was ok). I'd say the characters were only two-dimentional, but that'd be a stretch. Plus, all the obvious red-herrings. What a moronic place.

this thing is like a period....

I only experience it once a month.

Really must do better.


Ok, since the great new being that is our new computer, I haven't transferred the Excel and Word spreadsheets from the old to the new. Not good, since I've not kept track of my calories and activities, plus, my to-do list is on that old computer. It tends to freeze and since the new computer, I have zero patience with it.

What's going on.... Not a whole heck of a lot.

Knitting classes are over for the summer, as far as I know now. Unless I come up with something new, anyway. I've been knitting scarves to sell for the fall. Also need to finish up all my unfinished stuff to sell, too. Sent off the invoices last week, expecting money from the library in a couple of weeks. :)

Former best friend sent apology and 'will send some of what I owe' email. Like, THAT'S never happened before. I don't know what to reply, honestly, that doesn't sound mean, so I'm not replying. Which may be even worse.

Let's be fun for a moment!!! Some faves of mine:

Movie: The last good one I saw was One Hour Photo. I'm way behind the power curve, I know. I'm dying to see all the movies opening this month, there are some really good ones.

Book: Cheap bodice-rippers, excluding Barbara Cartland. Too many elipsisi in her...work. Also, where...she puts them....is....inappropriate for the...way a person would....say things....under.....duress. They are.....also.......of.....uneven lengths. I'm trying to focus on Dr. Phil's Self Matters but am too easily distracted. Seriously think I have adult ADD.

Music:At the moment, I'm listening to everything by Morten Harket of A-ha. I WORSHIP his voice as well as that of Ty Herndon. They're both attractive, that's why they have recording contracts. :P Listening to them sing is like an almost too hot shower on a snowy winter's day. Yum. Is it sexual? Not so much as it is sensual. While I work out, I listen to La Bomba, some cheapie latino compilation cassette. CDs skip too much to be enjoyable while working out on the stairs. While doing weights, I don't listen to anything, too distracting from the focus on the muscle.

Color:Today, it's GREEN. Because the color is everywhere.

Workout:Weightlifting. The other day I was doing something and noticed a lump above my knee. It was a freakin' MUSCLE. I was like, huh? Because I'm already pretty muscular, I thought I already had all the hardbody lumps. I also have all the softbody ones, too. ;P

Car: Shhhh, don't tell my car, but I love it. Of course, now that I've said that, it'll die. It always does. I may have to drive slooooowly by a new car lot just to keep it on it's pistons. ;)

Sheets: Being washed. The kid dreamed she was going to the bathroom and peed the bed. She didn't want to wake me about it and I rolled around in the stuff. Yay. I need to dry them, since I haven't heard the washer going in a while.

Neurosis of the Moment: The Sims. I found tons of free objects sites. You may have to check this out to see what I mean: www.thesims.com. Little buggers, just as I get sick of them, Superstar is going to come out. On my BIRTHDAY, no less, as well as a really good movie I want to see. Damn, I keep forgetting what it is, just that it's sci-fi. What a dunderhead. Anyway, The Sims are a drug. I love them because I can control them to a large degree. Plus, you do A, you get B. Very linear and predictable. I love that.

Website:http://www.caloriesperhour.com/

What I'm wearing: My husband's black sweatpants and his grey shirt from Benedictine College. I am wearing my own underwear and bra.

What I look like: Like someone who shouldn't have stayed up so late playing The Sims last night. Like someone who took a shower this morning but didn't want to get her hair wet and put it into a high bun instead.

What I'm drinking:The last dregs of a second cup of coffee. After a glass of iced tea, I'm going to work out at the gym.

What I had for breakfast:Lowfat light yogurt at 70 calories.

What I will probably have at midnight tonight: A couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter, pretzels, stale Captain Crunch cereal if there's any left.

Favorite screenwriters:The Andys. Andrew Niccol and Andrew Stanton. Look them up on www.imdb.com and see if you don't agree. I idolize them both, they amaze me and most screenwriters don't.

Favorite road: I 70 to Colorado. I really want to go this fall and see the color. I haven't been there in a decade and used to go 2-3 times a year when I lived closer. :(

Favorite husband: Mine! I get to sleep with this hunky married guy every night. He's a cute sexy doll that doesn't know how good looking he is.

Favorite daughter: Again, Mine! She's beautiful AND a brainiac with a crazy sense of humor. What a card. She's also very tenderhearted and caring.

What I don't like:Needing to pee, laundry, being lazy, wet socks, tornadoes in my neighborhood, pimples at my age, paying bills, dimply thighs, disciplining my child, reminding anybody of anything, forgetting things, looking for things, cleaning cat urp, unclogging toilets, running out of gas, discussing money owed by friends, funerals, spinach, inconsiderate people.

Things I wished I liked: sweat, not flossing, being by myself, eating less than 500 calories a day, waking up at 5:00am, martial arts, playing competitve sports, a high stress job with a psychotic boss, veggies ad nauseum, working out until I puke.

Things I wished I didn't like: food, sex, crass humor like South Park, staying up late, The Sims, pretzels dipped in french onion dip, all things cream cheese, sugar, anything alcoholic.

Wrapping up the websurfing, going to drink the iced tea, do dishes, mail bills, look for Mother's day and father's birthday gifts in sales circulars, then workout. Stop by grocery for O'douls and yogurt, stores for gifts, then home where I will fold clothes and watch Dr. Phil. Make bed, police the house, start dinner. Watch Star Trek:TNG (Nemesis is also out this month, is this not THE best birthday month???!!!!????!!!???!!! Knit like a fiend. Watch South Park. Between the start dinner and South Park is playing/spending time with child. After South Park is spending time with husband if he's still awake. ;D Tomorrow, mail gifts and pray they get there on time, which they won't but oh well.

Still tired today, plus HUNGRY. OMG! I've had my 1200 calories for the day, plus, just couldn't workout on the stairs for a full 30 minutes, only did 18.

I replied to the CK bitch with a "You asked, I answered" and no one's posted a thing. Bitch.


::scrambling for the Zoloft bottle::

I've been half asleep all day today, very odd for me. I'm sleeping a lot more, too, but not oversleeping, I don't think. Usually, I get 6-7 hours, but lately have been sleeping that plus 3 hour naps. I think tomorrow instead of napping, I'll workout myself awake. I have a hour of housecleaning and another hour of yoga scheduled. Something to stretch me out a little. :) The house is so clean now, it's hard to come up with something to do. Very nice.

I'm still doing the daily tasks, but the printer is on the other computer, and since this is midweek, I'm printing the new one on Monday. As long as I water the plants on Friday, procrastination won't hurt. ;)

Hey! There are 13 adults and 5 teens in my knitting class tomorrow night. Tres cool! They'll have fun.

Someone Needs a Valium, Obviously

I thought I was tired on the 11th.



Ha.


Everything hurts, even the muscles in my fingers.

This lady on the calorie king forum has pissed me off by asking me a question, then answering 'Whatever' to my answer. That's one of THE fastest ways to anger me, I HATE that.

What a pig.

I'm your best friend until you're an jerk, then I loath you forever.

Jesus forgives, *I* don't.

The nice thing is that I'm consistantly inconsistant.

Also very tired. I work on the house plus work out during the day. This means if I want to goof off, I do it at night between 9pm and 3-4am. Up at 8, so at most I'm getting 5 hours a night sleep. :P Must work on that.

House is a hell-hole despite whatever I've done. I do have three perfect rooms in the house, though, right down to the oiled baseboards. I have four hours of house cleaning scheduled, if nothing else, for the calories. Wanted to update this, though, before I take a nap.

Down to 162, yippee!!!! I'm also logging in my stuff at www.calorieking.com. Here's the daily counts of food and stuff: Laura's Public Calorie Log

I'm brutally honest. If there's a choco bunny binge, it's logged. I'm working to keep the calories eaten to under 1000.

It doesn't tell you how much I've worked out, though, and since my weight loss is sluggish, I've ramped up my workout. Here's the goal: 15 mins of yoga, 30 mins of Jane Fonda and 20 mins of Billy Blanks, 20-45 mins of stair climber. This is supposed to be every day with weight training for the upper body added on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.

Kazaa has been eating up my time. We're dialup so downloading anything takes aeons. I have new cds burned with fun music that keeps me moving.

Today's tasks:
Nap
Workouts
Shower
Call insurance company
Clean house for four hours-I'm not being specific, it all needs a good scrub.
Grocery shop for the week-NEED COFFEEEEEE!!!!!

It's been a month? Where has the time gone?

I've been busy.

Erasey erasey. I've not been following much of anything.

Uncle died, very very sad, saw family, very very good. I love my cousins, they're great people.

Check engine light was a sensor which is being fixed as I type this.

Did new sweater for BIL (brother in law), he likes it. Working on fish-shaped socks for Dad and afghan for friend.

What the heck was I talking about on the happiness journal?? Whatever?

Kits sales are way down. First class sales equals all other classes' sales. One more class until November, so I'm not earning until then. Oh well. We're getting a healthy tax refund (meaning we don't have to pay in for the first time in YEARS!!) and are refinancing the house, so maybe the depressing financial cloud because I quit work and "work=money=worth as a human being" will lift that follows me. (trying to keep my participles from dangling)

Need to watch Animal Cops and Cops...am becoming those people... :0 House is messy and the pets need care. Will get child to help, since they're her pets.

Ok, I'd lost down to 161, then ate my way back up to 165, I think. Actually, it's 'that' time (like you REALLY wanted to know), and I'm one of those 'bloaters' that balloon up by 3-8 lbs for 1-2 weeks a month. I spend half the year as the Sta-Puff marshmallow guy. :P

On the PLUS side, 165 is my new personal high weight, lowering the previous 170 limit, plus, I can still wear size 10s, even at 165, so I know it's water weight. Now, my goal is to set 160 as the high weight, which means I need to get down to 155. :P

I can do this. I work out for no less that 30 minutes a day, whether at the gym on the stair climber (burns 260-330 cals, depending on if I go 30 or 45 mins), or with the aerobics tapes at home. Jane Fonda's 1980's tape is my favorite, it works for me. The Billy Blanks Kickology is almost too easy and is fun to do with my child. We'll sometimes do that. Then, too, I need to do more of the Yoga because I've been skipping it for the past week. Going to the funeral really messed up my workout schedule, but it was so worth it. Now when I think about working out, I do it for my uncle and do it because he should have. It would have kept him healthier and he died way too young at 61.

I do need to post my food journal. It varies from 1000-1800 calories a day, plus, now that I'm on Calorie King, I'll get an accurate pic of what my nutrients are.

Also, there's something else I need to try. Sleeping. Seriously. We bought a new computer over the weekend and it's fun. I've been too busy surfing and looking for Sims things to update this. :D Went to bed at 3:00am the night before, then 4:00am last night. Of course I still wake up at 8:00am to get the child to school and have been too busy running errands to take a nap. I have a few loose ends to wrap up today, but as soon as I'm done typing this, I'm taking a nap. I'm a total of seven hours behind in sleep from the last two days alone, never mind that I seem to stay sleep-deprived. (PMS causes insomnia. So does a new,4x better computer!!)

Tasks today:
Mail bills
Sleep
Workout (Yoga, then Fonda)
Shower
Errands with child (must get cat food and litter!!!!!)
Pick up husband
Dinner
Clean for 2 hours (added in the calories burned into my online cals burned journal for the day)

This is in my preferred order, things could change and always do.

Nap time!

I feel much better today. Blame it on the hormones.

Can you believe? Child and I did Blank's Kickology last night, then PM Yoga. It's tougher than the AM, or at least, I'm not as used to it, so I'm a bit sore today.

While driving around all over town Saturday (teaching, child, visiting sister, German restaurant and movies) my check engine line kept coming on and off, so I'm afoot today. I 'could' go to the gym at night instead of my usual 10-2 mid-day time. It'll have to be after 8, after dinner and digestion.

Not happy about the child-sized sweater for my brother in law. Have the new one started and will give the prior one to Small Fry.

Patrick Stewart is on SNL. Makes being a working at home Mom fabulous. :D

Found a happiness journal/5 steps to happiness that I'm going to take a look at. True happiness comes from within, I just seem to have misplaced mine. :)

The beloved list. I need to print a new one and this time stick to it. Last week, I had to run all over getting read for a class that I got nothing else done. Prepared nearly 45 kits, sold 3. :P Tomorrow is another class, though. :D

Know what really helps me with my goals? Watching Cops and Animal Precinct (sp???). I don't want to be those people.

Haven't lost too much weight. At 165 today, which isn't too bad considering I started the year at 170. Still, though, 2.5 lbs a month? A lot of the weight lost journals have their people losing 10 times that much in a month. I guess if it goes slow, it'll come back on slow. :P It's tough not see any progress, but you know, even though I have temptations and sometimes cheat, it's never a bad cheat. Even on cheat days, I eat less than I did before the diet. Plus, my stomach just can't hold as much. Buffets are becoming a waste of money because I can't eat more than a plateful. ;P

It's been a week.

This is PMS week, at least, that's my excuse. I'm not losing any weight, but then I've been cheating on the food. Not cheating on the exercise, though. I'm up to 45 minutes on the stair climber and I'd started out with 10 minutes being good. :P

I hate me and I'm tired of hating me. The diet thing isn't working, even though the exercise is, the housecleaning isn't working because it's never done, the knitting thing isn't working because I spend so much time cleaning house that I don't get anything knitted.

I'm going to do some research on becoming more effective, because at this point I'm a supremo loser. My one redeeming quality is that I CAN spell loser. Most people spell it at looser. Or maybe it's failure. Yeah, I'm a failure because at least I try, you know?

I know, I'm a downer. This is the second year of depression and nothing I do matters. I really must find something that makes me happy.

Friday.

I know. I'm supposed to do this every day, but....

Ok, on Wednesday I did very well. I did everything on the list except the retainers, writing, and knitting. :P Thursday I did everything except write, knit, but did do the retainers. :) The bad thing is, I didn't make the bed today or yesterday. :P Today, I did everything except bed, writing, and knitting. It's early for the face and teeth, plus, I didn't do the yoga. I did happen to Do the stairs today at the 4-5-6 levels, and that's all for today. Yesterday it was a double decker with Fonda and Blanks' tapes.

Having done nearly everything, I'm working through papers in a little filer I have. Happened to run across some looseleaf journaling I'd done as part of a counseling stint to manage my anger. Now I know that nothing I could do would control the seretonin and how the receptors work. When I'm hopped up on zoloft and become furious, you KNOW it's got to be bad. I mean, really.

There's a lot about me I'd like to change. I'm not happy with myself and the fact that I'm not happy with myself. Making sense, yet? Figuring out who I want to be (that's a version of me, of course) is one of those goals thing I want to do. I don't know just what I'll feel comfortable being, at the moment. :)

Nine days? Where the heck did they go?

This 'perfection' thing is hard.

The Valentine's day party went off without a hitch. Afterwards, I went to Walmart for a cake. After a conversation, the manager at the bakery wanted me to fill out an app to work there. I want to, still, but.... To be brutally honest, I'd looked forward to getting season passes to Oceans of Fun for child and me. Every Union Bank Day, I have her put in $10 towards that goal. I'll pay for my pass via my knitting classes. :)

I've modified my 'list' to include things I do that are extra, plus exclude the things I hate. For instance, I hate warm lemon water first thing in the morning, but love getting 80oz of water a day. I've also added extra working out to videotapes, but am having difficulty with that. :P My piriformus muscle is giving me grief today. I did the stairclimber for 30, 10 at level 4, 10 at level 5, 10 at level 6, yesterday, plus the 15 mins of yoga and then... Jane Fonda from the early 80's. Believe it or not, my body has changed in the past 20 years for the worse. That so f*ing sucks. I even took it easy on myself. My weight is down a pound to 166. Not bad, but not good, either.

The good news is that my mom had the same problems losing her weight at my age. She dieted much harder than I have for three months before it came off. Whew. My body's not fat, it's efficient. Too bad that's the only part of me that is. :P

Ok, the 'perfect' list:

Yoga I will probably do this so that my hip/butt muscles will quit hurting

Shower I want to color my hair and will probably put this off until after I color, today.

Breakfast-200 Calories (Cals) I'm coming in under at 80 cals, but am STARVING.

Kitchen (short for dishes, counters, stove cleaning) The dishes are soaking, I need to do this today.

Make beds, pick up clothes (combined because I always do these at the same time) I'll do this today, before yoga.

Vacuum Before I do this, I need to empty the pets' areas, THEN vacuum. I also want to do this before I shower because I feel icky afterward.

Stairclimber I'd missed Monday, so I should have done this then instead of yesterday. I'm really fighting the urge... I want to go and knock out 30 mins, which is 200 calories burned. I dunno, I may give myself some time off, just so I don't imobilize myself.

Tennis or Rollerblade with child I promised her we'd do something fun after school. She needs the activity. :P

Lunch 200 Cals Still starving and don't know what I'll have. Maybe a salad that's under 100 cals. THAT would be cool.

Write I'm feeling the urge to write today, for the first time in a very long time. Since I'm 'hurt', I may take advantage of this...

Dinner 300 Cals Must plan for this so I don't overeat. :P Have no idea what to fix, yet.

Knit Really must finish Brother In Law's sweater, only have the sleeves to do, now. Mental note to start this year's Christmas in July, maybe June. :P

80 oz water Easy to do, a third of the way there already. :D

Hour of Cleaning house This'll be the pet areas, but again, I'm afraid of the bending and picking up thing. Maybe I'll just sort and file papers. :D

Wash face and do retainers before bed. I have been so bad about not doing this and it shows. :P MUST make this a #1 priority.

There you are, my list of things to do. I'll check in tomorrow with how well I did. :D

Update on evil friend. Everything is falling apart for her and yeah, I do feel bad. Not forgiving, but bad for her. In the Karma's a Bitch department, someone broke into her car and stole her insurance, registration, and car tags, or so she says. It's tough for me to believe anything she says at this point. If it is true, well, then, she can join the group of people that were evil to me and have paid dearly for it. It also motivates me to be kinder to people. I need to do more good deeds, I think. :)