Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Whew. Back down to 164 and falling. Did the holiday thing, ie, too much food, plus had pizza and chinese just yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to enter THIS one in. Tons of food.

School is almost out. I'm going to have to come up with things to do for the Small Fry that'll keep her active and entertained.

Gosh, nothing to write. Well, did go to lunch with the guys from State Street and Robb's family. I miss those guys.

I had a good time with the family over the holidays.

Came home to a messy house and promptly printed out a todo list. Barely did anything on it, but then, see above lunch. :) After that, working out, and running errands, I seriously only did dishes. Today will be better. If I work out, and I'd like to, I'll just do a tape here at home.

Here's today's things I'd love to do:
Workout Tape
Clean on part of the Basement
Shower (I think this is a given)
Wax Eyebrows and Color Hair
Pick up clothes
Wash Bed Sheets and Finish Laundry
Clean sinks and tubs, toilets and mirrors
Clear Papers in Kitchen
FINISH putting together Child's Dresser Drawers
Dust furniture
Kitchen, dishes, counters, that sort of thing
Make beds
Write on the Australian screenplay, maybe come up with some new ideas
Knit on Dad's socks, maybe design new items
Face and teeth (I wear retainers and have oily skin. And I'm 38. It BITES)
Drink 80 oz water throughout the day

Friday, May 23, 2003

Doin' the bump, ow! Sexy Sexy!

Or not.

I was in a tizz this morning when bloating up to 167 on the scale, then just before showering, I jumped back on while nekkid and weighed two pounds less. So, I took that. :D

Hand still hurts, folded laundry, threw small dinner party for Sister's birthday. She's 35!! NO! She can't be that old! She's younger than MEEEE.

Mom and Dad's anniversary, today, (May 22), too. 39 years. Weird, I can't imagine being with MYSELF that long, much less someone else.

Oo oooh! I was buying some wine, the lady asked what year I was born and when I replied '65, she said "No! You can't be." It might have been a flattery thing, but I don't think she's that good an actor. Plus, I have good genes from my dad. Didn't get the skinny ones, but DID get the youthful :D I can diet easier than I can install cranes to keep my boobs on my chest.

I'm a class mom taking care of some of my child's classmates at the zoo tomorrow, plus, I need to pack for the weekend. Also working on a new chart in Excel that will keep track of my calorie intake.

Something that I really must do is read Self Matters by Dr. Phil and really nail down an action plan for my life. I'm not good with limbo and think I'm getting even lazier than before. I need to write down and solidify what it would take for me to truly be perfect. I know, not attainable, but still, I'd like to try to get close. It's kind of like lightspeed, you can't reach it, but you can get 99.999999999% there.

Worked out today, StairClimber for 20 mins, then ran 1/4 mile at 5 mph just for fun(!!!) Weird. Never did THAT before, but just wanted to. The bad hand (Still!!!) made Cobra pose in yoga and pushups (8) painful, so I left off with the other arm and chest exercises. I'd like for this to HEAL, thankyou! Didn't do the leg press due to the psoas muscle. I'll need it for the long trip tomorrow (it's a muscle you SIT on) and THAT'S the last muscle I want to irritate.

Neck muscles don't like crunches. Funny how they're sore but my abs aren't.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

THIS is a hoot:

I love it.

So anyway, the only things I got done yesterday was the Nemesis (watched it, like it ok, cried when Data blew up), worked out.

Ohhhh, that's so bad. One thing that's really bothersome is my left hand. There's something major wrong with the thumb muscle. I can't even lift a glass of tea without it giving on me. Did last night's dishes this morning and ow. Gad, it hurts. I'm knitting like a fiend to get rid of this ick yarn that's probably the culprit in my painful hand thing. It's a hat, there's just a few yards left and it's OVER. bleh.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Good: Have stuck to the new diet so far today.

Bad: Haven't done anything around the house and it's 11:00am.

Things must do:

Get Nemesis since it's out today.
Work out at the gym.
Finish up the laundry.
Self-maintenance (I'm overdue for a grey touch-up and eyebrow trim.
Finish up the child's dresser drawers (there's tons of screwdriver work and it's cramping my hand!)

People are really starting to piss me off. Rude/aggressive drivers and telemarketers/salesmen. All I want to do is go from point A to point B without totalling my car and it seems others are damned and determined to wreck. Buttheads. Then, with all the salescalls and stuff, I'm like, no I don't want it, no, I don't want it, no, I don't want it. I'm going to have to start asking, did I call you? No? Then what makes you think I want this? Buttheads.

I'm trying to be positive. Not working. Maybe I need to double up on Zoloft.

Enduring "the View". Wouldn't you just HATE it if your name was synonomous with 'Blowjob' ala 'Monica'? Eeesh!

Wrapping up, going to Diaryland to post pms rants, then attacking the list.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Ok, updated at Diaryland first, plus I changed it to look like this. Still gave credit to this Andrew guy who designed the template. I love it, Andrew, so THANKS A LOT!!! Seriously. It's me and I love it.

Accidently learned some HTML while doing the conversion from Blog to DL. Just can't get away from computer conversions, can I? First from Mainframe to Client/server, then Client/server to distributed apps, then to webpage.

Sims Superstar is out today. It's a freakin' miracle I'm not playing it right now. I'm eating lunch, working out, THEN getting it. :D Actually, I should do dishes and start something in a crockpot because I know I'm going to be useless for the rest of the day. :D

Weight is down a pound to 164. Seriously considering laxatives but don't want to spend that much time on the loo.

Sounds a lot better than Crapper, huh?

Friends: Gotta Love Them

Howdy! It's 1:37 am here and I'm sleepy. The below is cut and pasted from my Diaryland entry. I'm a lazy person at heart (like you didn't know, right?) and don't want to type the same thing twice. Bad news, I'm up to 165lbs today. Don't know what the hell went wrong, how I can gain 4 lbs in two days. They were only TWO f*in' donuts.

On to the Diaryland entry:
Here I am.

You know, writing this stuff earlier in the day might be a better thing. That way, I can come up with spicy stuff. Yeah, fiction, but so what? Do you REALLY want to know about the crusty stuff in the bathtub that needs cleaning?

Didn't think so.

Anyone check out that Isabella V. runaway blog? It's fiction that's trying to pass as real. Much like a friend of mine. Ha.

Ok, there's a friend who owes me money. She's had it for a year, exactly $1500. Keeps saying she'll pay it back and we've had some financially crappy times where even $10 would have been a boon.

So I get an email last week from her saying she's sending something. I don't reply, not trying to be mean or because I'm angry, like she thinks. Just don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I suppose I could cut and paste the "Ok! That's great! Be sure not to send so much that it puts YOU in a bind," from all the emails I've sent that said that. There's been several.

I'd typed that "don't worry" crap last summer, then gone to steal money from my kid's piggy bank to buy toilet paper and food. I didn't like hearing about her driving a nicer car than I have (not hard to do, BTW) or about her going to Red Lobster and the movies when I'd not been to either in six months or more. Hell, McDonalds would have been a treat.

Things are extremely much better, now. Far far better and we're fantastic. It was only last summer that it was the total sh*ts around here. My sister would come over and complain about the heat and why didn't we turn on the air. Um, because we couldn't afford it, maybe? Child and I would go to Walmart just to walk around and enjoy the refrigerated air. I usually managed to scrape up enough to get her a slushie. Not every time, but sometimes.

Another one was the "Why don't you just move to a smaller house?" Probably because once we sold our home and gave every cent to pay it off, we'd STILL owe money. That leaves us living in a car and trust me, I'd rather skim by, bouncing as few checks as possible while trying to pay bills than live in my piece of crap car. ( Have to say stuff like that about my car. Every time I actually like my car, something falls off it or explodes. Seriously. I'm NOT kidding.)

So anyway, former best friend like a sister emails me today saying she really is sending the money and wants to patch things up. I haven't replied due to not knowing what to say that doesn't make me sound like a total bitch. I'm wanting to say, "Riiiight. I'll be here by the mailbox, WAITING." It's a joke around here, when she's 'sending' anything. I tell my husband, we laugh because we know it's not going to happen, then go on our way. Every once in a while, when he's really fretting over bills, he'll comment that it would be nice to get something. Then we laugh again like it would actually happen and go on our way.

I'd sent her the money because she needed it to get a car. No car, no job. No job, no home for her and her kid and I couldn't let that happen. Was I stupid? I didn't think so at the time, now I'm thinking "blithering idiot" when I like me, "f-ing mornon" when I don't.

I'm still not so sure I'd just let her and her kid starve. To do over, I'd probably write the check again. Give away the last bit of our savings, again.

Double dumbass on me. The nice thing is now I *know* I can't rely on her to be totally honest. Everything she says goes to the "Whatever" part of my brain. If she wasn't going to send anything, she shouldn't have told me she was. Then, I wouldn't have told my husband that yes, she is going to pay us back and then be proven wrong. Over and over again.

I don't know why she wants to be my friend, anyway. I don't have any more money to 'loan' her. That's another thing I can't just email. "What? I'm broke now and of no use to you. Why would you give a crap what I think about you??? Why would you want to be MY friend? What do you think I can do for you because I don't see a damned thing."

But I'm not bitter. Or pissed.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Well I've managed to poop off this morning. I had high expectations but low drag. :D

I've been surfing, downloading music. I'm STILL finding Sims stuff to download. Man, I love the idea of clicking a person's face and controlling them so completely. I can't control anything, even myself, and love that little fantasy world.

Good thing I've never tried street drugs, huh? Anyone addicted to computer games and Diet Pepsi should stay away from crack.

After I enter in here, I'll probably finish up online, then clean, then work out, then be more lazy. Husband gets dibs on the computer tonight, so I'm trying to get my fix over with during the day.

Ate gourmet from Dean and Deluca for Mom's day yesterday, plus two donuts. Now, I could have eaten six of them 6 months to a year ago, but after the first yesterday, I was rather queasy. Of course I ate the second one right away, it was a Bismark, fer Pete's sake. When faced with a wall of different donut varieties, THAT'S the one I pick out every time. If there are none there, then I don't waste the stomach space.

I've become a lot more selective in my eating. Smaller portions of more expensive food so the grocery bill stays the same, I'm just more expensive per pound. Ha ha ha!

I absolutely love the song "She F*ing hates me". The radio pushes it by taking out the ck part of f*ing so it really is fuhin' hates me on the radio. I think THAT'S a bit much. Especially around the grade-schoolers. Really hate it when teenagers use bad language around my kid. I mean, come on, is it going to be that hard to let her be a kid for at least a couple of years more? Kids today are bombarded with adult themes and it's tough to be a filter ALL the time. Think about it, did you have any idea what gay love was when you were in first grade? I had to date a couple in college before I knew they REALLY existed. (I was sheltered, ok?)

Am not weighing today, too bloated from the asparagus last night. Might as well eat some hummus, chili with beans, boiled eggs, and those lab experiments formerly known as artichokes. Give my intestines a really good workout.

Did you know that downloading five songs at a time @ 45k bogs down your internet connection? Who knew?

Me want high-speed, me too cheap.

Ok, must print out new daily task list and hop to it. Later.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Getting better about blogging.


Like, you care.

Sometimes, when I'm chatting at people, I think, why do I think they give a rat's butt what I'm saying? Do I even care about what I am and what I'm saying. Now, I'm not saying I'm invisible or won't be missed if I disappear, but sometimes, I feel really...transparent. Yeah, like I'm not really there.

Achieved a few things yesterday. The big one was my husband folding all the laundry. Something I'd dreaded doing and he did it for me. I worship that man. I found the perfect pillow for my Mom for Mother's day. She and I like the flattish ones, me, I love the goosedown ones in hotels and motels. Have even thought about swiping one just because I couldn't find them anywhere else. You know it. I found them. They were hiding out at Linen 'n Things and I had a $10 off coupon. I bought her the cheapest goosedown, still more expensive than the highest priced polyester and a 100 times better. Dad's getting BBQ tools for his birthday tomorrow and stupid me didn't even think about the card until yesterday. What a dumbass I am a lot of times. Good thing I have that sweet I care about people thing going, otherwise, I'd be in a shallow ditch somewhere, decomposing. :P

Food so far: Yogurt, orange, small pita sandwitch with ham, cheese, and deli mustard. Wanted hummus (is as us?) but am letting intestins calm down after the bean-laden chili incident of Monday. (how the HELL do you spell intestines) Uh, ok. Never mind.

Received $5 off coupon for Red Lobster via email. So now I HAVE to go to the Rainforest Cafe to redeem my two $5s from there as well as RL. How about $5 at RFC, $5 at Joe's Crab Shack (a RFC subsidiary), AND $5 at RL? Spending at least $100 to save $15. ;D

I'll probably just sneak around and have my lunches at those places. Lunch is cheaper and the coupons go further that way.

Worked out yesterday. :D Stairs for 20 mins on the aerobic training instead of fat burning. Sort of took it easy at level 5 or 6 because I knew I'd need my quadrecepts (I know, spelling) for leg lifts. I love doing those and my legs aren't even sore today like I thought they'd be. I lifted 180lbs with them for two sets of 8-12 reps. They were a little tough, but obviously not impossible. I scooted my feet to where the toes hung off the edge and did calf presses, too.

I couldn't remember The Matrix Reloaded opens on my birthday? What a non-dork. That, ST:Nemesis on DVD, and The Sims and I'm good. :D Finding Nemo opens the next weekend, I think, and we're there for that one, too. Some movies, I MUST see on the big screen.

Woke up with a hideous headache this morning so after this I'm on an ice pack. I don't know WHYYYY the headache today. I'd bought a bottle of wine but hadn't even opened it, no cheese, no chocolate, no anything. What a major pain in the ASS.

Spent some time at today working on a case. While reading the interviews, I had the feeling that it was fiction and lo and behold, it was. They didn't post that anywhere obvious, but the interviews sounded so incredibly stupid and badly written in a Dragnet sort of way (you KNOW Dragnet was fiction so bad dialogue was ok). I'd say the characters were only two-dimentional, but that'd be a stretch. Plus, all the obvious red-herrings. What a moronic place.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

this thing is like a period....

I only experience it once a month.

Really must do better.

Ok, since the great new being that is our new computer, I haven't transferred the Excel and Word spreadsheets from the old to the new. Not good, since I've not kept track of my calories and activities, plus, my to-do list is on that old computer. It tends to freeze and since the new computer, I have zero patience with it.

What's going on.... Not a whole heck of a lot.

Knitting classes are over for the summer, as far as I know now. Unless I come up with something new, anyway. I've been knitting scarves to sell for the fall. Also need to finish up all my unfinished stuff to sell, too. Sent off the invoices last week, expecting money from the library in a couple of weeks. :)

Former best friend sent apology and 'will send some of what I owe' email. Like, THAT'S never happened before. I don't know what to reply, honestly, that doesn't sound mean, so I'm not replying. Which may be even worse.

Let's be fun for a moment!!! Some faves of mine:

Movie: The last good one I saw was One Hour Photo. I'm way behind the power curve, I know. I'm dying to see all the movies opening this month, there are some really good ones.

Book: Cheap bodice-rippers, excluding Barbara Cartland. Too many elipsisi in Also, where...she puts for the...way a person would....say things....under.....duress. They are.....also.......of.....uneven lengths. I'm trying to focus on Dr. Phil's Self Matters but am too easily distracted. Seriously think I have adult ADD.

Music:At the moment, I'm listening to everything by Morten Harket of A-ha. I WORSHIP his voice as well as that of Ty Herndon. They're both attractive, that's why they have recording contracts. :P Listening to them sing is like an almost too hot shower on a snowy winter's day. Yum. Is it sexual? Not so much as it is sensual. While I work out, I listen to La Bomba, some cheapie latino compilation cassette. CDs skip too much to be enjoyable while working out on the stairs. While doing weights, I don't listen to anything, too distracting from the focus on the muscle.

Color:Today, it's GREEN. Because the color is everywhere.

Workout:Weightlifting. The other day I was doing something and noticed a lump above my knee. It was a freakin' MUSCLE. I was like, huh? Because I'm already pretty muscular, I thought I already had all the hardbody lumps. I also have all the softbody ones, too. ;P

Car: Shhhh, don't tell my car, but I love it. Of course, now that I've said that, it'll die. It always does. I may have to drive slooooowly by a new car lot just to keep it on it's pistons. ;)

Sheets: Being washed. The kid dreamed she was going to the bathroom and peed the bed. She didn't want to wake me about it and I rolled around in the stuff. Yay. I need to dry them, since I haven't heard the washer going in a while.

Neurosis of the Moment: The Sims. I found tons of free objects sites. You may have to check this out to see what I mean: Little buggers, just as I get sick of them, Superstar is going to come out. On my BIRTHDAY, no less, as well as a really good movie I want to see. Damn, I keep forgetting what it is, just that it's sci-fi. What a dunderhead. Anyway, The Sims are a drug. I love them because I can control them to a large degree. Plus, you do A, you get B. Very linear and predictable. I love that.


What I'm wearing: My husband's black sweatpants and his grey shirt from Benedictine College. I am wearing my own underwear and bra.

What I look like: Like someone who shouldn't have stayed up so late playing The Sims last night. Like someone who took a shower this morning but didn't want to get her hair wet and put it into a high bun instead.

What I'm drinking:The last dregs of a second cup of coffee. After a glass of iced tea, I'm going to work out at the gym.

What I had for breakfast:Lowfat light yogurt at 70 calories.

What I will probably have at midnight tonight: A couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter, pretzels, stale Captain Crunch cereal if there's any left.

Favorite screenwriters:The Andys. Andrew Niccol and Andrew Stanton. Look them up on and see if you don't agree. I idolize them both, they amaze me and most screenwriters don't.

Favorite road: I 70 to Colorado. I really want to go this fall and see the color. I haven't been there in a decade and used to go 2-3 times a year when I lived closer. :(

Favorite husband: Mine! I get to sleep with this hunky married guy every night. He's a cute sexy doll that doesn't know how good looking he is.

Favorite daughter: Again, Mine! She's beautiful AND a brainiac with a crazy sense of humor. What a card. She's also very tenderhearted and caring.

What I don't like:Needing to pee, laundry, being lazy, wet socks, tornadoes in my neighborhood, pimples at my age, paying bills, dimply thighs, disciplining my child, reminding anybody of anything, forgetting things, looking for things, cleaning cat urp, unclogging toilets, running out of gas, discussing money owed by friends, funerals, spinach, inconsiderate people.

Things I wished I liked: sweat, not flossing, being by myself, eating less than 500 calories a day, waking up at 5:00am, martial arts, playing competitve sports, a high stress job with a psychotic boss, veggies ad nauseum, working out until I puke.

Things I wished I didn't like: food, sex, crass humor like South Park, staying up late, The Sims, pretzels dipped in french onion dip, all things cream cheese, sugar, anything alcoholic.

Wrapping up the websurfing, going to drink the iced tea, do dishes, mail bills, look for Mother's day and father's birthday gifts in sales circulars, then workout. Stop by grocery for O'douls and yogurt, stores for gifts, then home where I will fold clothes and watch Dr. Phil. Make bed, police the house, start dinner. Watch Star Trek:TNG (Nemesis is also out this month, is this not THE best birthday month???!!!!????!!!???!!! Knit like a fiend. Watch South Park. Between the start dinner and South Park is playing/spending time with child. After South Park is spending time with husband if he's still awake. ;D Tomorrow, mail gifts and pray they get there on time, which they won't but oh well.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race