Friday, November 21, 2003

Did I write anything yesterday??? Gads! That infantile senility is the pits. Icky news first, Hubby is going to Kuwait proper on Saturday. The good thing about it is the 365 countdown starts on Sunday or Monday, whenever he reports in.

So tired! Last night, I stayed up until 1:30am, woke up the child, then we parked in a dark place and watched the meteor shower. Very cool and the kid really had fun. Of course we took the converible and cranked up the heater once the top was down. We saw about 15 in the hour we were there. The event wasn't as much as I'd hoped, but was a good chance to point out a few constellations to the small fry.

Had the Jeep's door fixed again. He didn't charge me, thank goodness. Nor did we get to talk about hubby's old ways. Good thing, because the weight was up to 155 today. Probably due to the Diet Pepsi I scarfed down last night. I don't know how true addicts kick drugs, I can't even kick soda.

There's more, I know, but I'm so sleepy, tired, and want to work on a commissioned afghan before bedtime. Looking forward to tomorrow's workout, so hoping a migraine doesn't hit because one is due. Also, I had a bit of a headache at the American Legion meeting tonight.

Also had a bit of Sonic food and thought I'd blown the whole day's work, but didn't. I even have enough left to have a snack! Yay because I'm feral hungry right now. There's tons of food here, a lot of leftovers from the past two days CK foods. Plus, grapes and oranges. Yum. I'll have to see what 325 calories will buy me around here.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

I wanted to run today, really, I did. But after Monday's run, there's not a jogging bra tight enough to make me feel secure. Talk about pain! Monday's run was painful, sure, but I thought "Endure, endure," the whole time. Tenderness is all part of the PMS joy that is mine. Bleh.

So instead, I 'took the stairs'. Stairclimber at resistance 8 for 30 minutes. Had to bump it down for 10 minutes to 6-7 minutes due to the high heart rate. I'm thinking it was because I'd skipped breakfast and workout time was 11:00pm. Lack of water, too. I'd had two cups of coffee and nothing else. The cool thing is, I benched 90lbs for 15 reps. :D I'd wanted to do another 5, but could only manage 3 more. The bicep curls and tricep extensions were harsh, too. I'd enter in the reps and everything in the My Exercise thing, but it doesn't allow for weight. 3X5 isn't nearly as impressive at 5lbs as it is at 50lbs.

I'm an extremely lucky person. Yesterday, the child and I were invited to two different Christmas parties, one with the Army Reserve, the other with Hubby's co-workers. Plus, I'd been asked a week ago if I'd help with V's school's holiday shop. It's so cute, all the kids come in with money to buy gifts for family members. As a volunteer, I'd help the kids keep to their budget, and help them pick the best gifts. I think this year, since we're doing so well financially (relatively speaking and without lottery winnings), I'm bringing a few extra bucks just in case the kindergarteners aren't prepaired. They usually aren't, and that's fine. By the first grade, they know what's up. :)

Another reason why I'm lucky is that the people at the library loved my class and think I'm good. That'll help with the future knitting classes. The more people that sign up, the more classes we will need and the more work I have. :) I'm hoping something I said was taken the right way...One of the students had a really tough time learning and I had a tough time teaching. I'd told her that it's like Algebra, sometimes it takes a different way of teaching for the lesson to be learned. Thankfully, the lady had a tough time with Algebra herself and knew what I was talking about.

Haven't heard from my guy today, but expected that. He said they'd be running around this week. They're to possibly ship over the 24th (I may have written this before). I bought an extra can of cranberry jelly. Isn't that funny, how I have all these homemade cranberry relish recipes and he'd rather have the Ocean Spray canned stuff? Same with TV dinners. My family comes over wanting gourmet food and he'd rather have TV dinners. They don't expect gourmet, but will scarf it down and lick the plates. :) Not bad, considering how I held the title of Worst Cook in the Family for decades.

Leonid meteor shower tonight!! I've promised to wake up the child to see shooting stars. We'll have to find somewhere unpolluted with light. Where, I don't know. Plus, if you could tune in at 67.5 Mgz, you could 'hear' them.

Must clean house, do dishes, all that. After working out, plus the class, I'm pooped. We did a bit of grocery shopping tonight, too. I absolutely hate it when people don't pay attention to where their carts go. If one more person nearly hits or hits my child with those things, I'm going postal on them. Seriously. She's a child, they're adults. If they can't watch what they're doing, they have no business being allowed in public. She shouldn't have to live in fear of getting slammed by one of them, she should be the one running amok. The kid is such a joy, is so well mannered, that for people to be so careless around her ticks me off to no end. I'd like to throttle them. >:|

Ok, back to happy. Especially since I'll be reading the Adventures of Super Diaper Baby. When I was last at the School's library, I checked out 4 kid books for fun. One of my guilty pleasures is reading kid's books. Besides, how could a person resist reading "The Chicken Gave it to Me"?

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Workout was great, if brief, yesterday. Food was ok, considering. I'd had one of those Halloween packs of Teddy Grahams for breakfast, to keep myself out of the ice cream (it worked), then was stuck at the bank during the lunch hour. After that was getting the Jeep fixed. The bank is in a grocery store, and the deli had a chinese food special. Good for me that I ate it there. With to go, they give you more food. :) Less is more. I had a little bit of diet soda (considering), then snacked a little on ice cream (a quarter cup) in the evening. I need to add that to the calorie list.

Ran a mile at 5.5mph, yesterday, plus benched 80lbs 15 times. The ultimate goal is running 3 miles at 7.5 and benching 95 for 20 times. It's a German Army PT contest that Ft. Leavenworth has every year. I can't enter, of course, not being active duty, but it's something my hubby and I can do 'together'. We can compare notes and progress, essentially being a fan of each other.

Speaking of hubby and fanship AND weight....Our mechanic is a high school friend of my hubby, so I 'get' to hear all these bad boy stories about him. Yay. Stories about the German cathouse girls knowing him by name bothered me, as did the fact that his 'first' love and girlfriend looked like a model. (hubby's friend's words)

Begin Dark Psyche part

Now, logically, I know that while stationed in Germany, hubby was single and hadn't even met me. That being true, I also know that he has enough pride to not pay for 'it'. Finally, he's pretty cheap. He'll spend big bucks on quality while skimping on the transitory. Like, live in a mansion and drive a junker. His best friend being a mechanic helps, believe me. :D

Anyway, even though it happened 16 years ago, and husband 2 is nowhere the pond scum husband 1 was...husband 1 slept with paid chicks several times and told me they were worth the money. I'm always surprised by my pictures from that time frame. The younger me was gorgeous, thin, and just cute in general. I remember always feeling so fat, ugly, and plain in personality. Funny what brainwashing can do, huh? After 16 years, am I over it? My icky feelings yesterday when Bill said hubby was on a first name bases with the hired help made me think I had issues. Today, though, I think it's more of after having eaten something bad (like raw liver) I remember the taste and still shudder from it. I think I'm over it, just haven't forgotten how horrible it felt during that time.

Now, I don't know about you gals, but to hear that a former girlfriend looks like a model while you feel anything but, is tough. Using logic again, they dated two years, we've been married for ten. She and he weren't suited, didn't have the same life goals, while he and I infinitely do. At the same time, he hasn't seen her since she was 19, while he's seen me at 38. (gasp! my age always shocks me) Yeah, I looked great at 19, too, but the last time he saw me, I didn't look that good. I remember thinking 120lbs was fat, now I'm thinking I'll be emaciated at 130.

I'm babbling. The comment just pings that 'you're fat' feeling. Plus, there's no way I could be as skinny as a model, even if I wanted to. I need my muscle, otherwise, my metabolism makes turtles look like they're on speed. I can't eat low enough to get skinny, either. The low blood sugar gives me headaches, I lose concentration, and get very cranky. Plus, I flat out don't have the will power. Should I admit my loss of control sometimes? When I'm super hungry, it's like I'm feral and blind to common sense. Must. Have. Food.

End of Dark Psyche

Need to call the bank and see what's up with the lost paperwork. Also need to reply to emails. :)

Note to NBC: When the country is at war, another country has nukes and says whatcha gonna do about it...Don't break into programming to announce that one state has ruled in favor of same sex marriage. It's like running the Civil Defense sirens over a rainstorm. The ruling is a momentous event in civil liberties, not civil defense.

It could be just me, growing up in a time where those tests of the American Broadcast System was something that made you think WWIII had finally begun.

Gotta love PMS. Makes a gal take everything personally. A leaf falls off the tree outside, and I'm there asking "What? You don't like me anymore?"

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Oh Lordy. I've turned back into a teenager...OMG! He, like, SO called!!! Isn't THAT a hoot from a coot? :D

(coot = old person for you non-southerners)

I love watching the British House of Commons on CSPAN. Always feel like yelling "Fight, fight, fight!"

So anyway, hubby is fine, lonely, spending at Walmart. :D So cute. The little ole gal driving them (he and the Master Sargent) around is 20 yrs old. I LOLed because I have jeans in my closet older than her. Seriously. It's a goal of mine to wear them before my 40th birthday.

The little ole gal was born in '83, the year I graduated so, yeah, I'm old enough to be her mother.

Sigh. I forget that I'm that old. Here I go, bee bopping through life, and something will remind me that I'm nearing 40. I'll think, "No way!", then of course, "Way!" because I AM that old. :D

Ok, I'm hubby-less and child-less on a Saturday night and what thrills do I seek? Well, as I was driving home with new yarn store yarn, a large diet soda and burger from Wendy's, and a batch of borrowed DVD's, I'd realized that my life has become a lot less beer and guy soaked in the past 10-11 years. Heh heh. That's good, though. The only thing worse than being 38 and acting 28 is being 38 and acting 18. At some point you have to put self-destructive behavior behind you and begin damage control.

Speaking of which, I did ask for the small fries, but since I'd wanted the biggie diet soda, I got the biggie fries. There's no way I'm throwing away food unless it's evolving into a lab experiment. That's why I'd asked for small specifically. The Wendy's down the road ALWAYS screws it up. Mc D's isn't much better and Wendy's is tastier anyway.

Exercise today was cleaning house. Putting away laundry requires going up and down stairs, so that counts for something. My weight today was a shocking 152. Shocking after a couple of 157's last week. I'm getting to where I do care about weight, but more about muscle and getting trimmed.

Food is still a struggle. I'm going to have to work on it more...

Friday, November 14, 2003

Freakin' funny, that.

What makes an interesting journal? Is it gratuitous sex and violence? Teenager syle anquish? Illicit activities? Glorious triumps? Social commentary? With that leads to outrageous political, religious, financial opinions. Are these what makes for good reading? What about a good hook in the last paragraph, like, I've already found the solution to the problem, but I'm going to not tell you until tomorrow, so tune in then.

Ok, well, here's a controversial statement. I think the term Metrosexual is a load of crap. In MY day, men who used 'product' and spent tons of time on their appearance were called egotistical when they weren't called gay. They're trying to make it out to be an entirely new sexuality when it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with 'me me me'. Totally retarded. Besides, when I hear 'metrosexual', I think of buses or subways gettin' down with it. Don't think about straight guys getting facials, wearing silk, and suddenly camping their way through life.

The week in recap....Monday was orthodontist, my last visit. :D Tuesday was headache, Wednesday was classes taught, Thursday was web time and workout, Friday is library and lunch with child day. :D Tomorrow I don't know, while Sunday is pic up child from her auntie's.

Hubby called yesterday! So nice to hear his voice versus a telemarketer's. I love that man of mine.

Love the child. She and I went to the Olive Garden for dinner last night. One last 'eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we diet'. She is a wonderful dinner companion, very articulate and just funny. Such a charming little person

Monday, November 10, 2003

It's been ONE WEEK.

I so must update my calories. What a supreme bum.

Don't think I'll like today's Dr. Phil. Stay at home and out of the home moms are fighting about who's doing the best. Who's right? Heck, who knows? It's a choice that has to meet the needs of the child and parent.

I'm working out tomorrow, not today. It's too rainy, I'm cold, and tired from not sleeping last night.

Later: I'm right. The moms are pissing me off. What's this "You're a bad mom if you work." What about, "You're a bad DAD if you work." What about men who don't do a damned thing for their kids? Not that moms aren't important, but men need to step up and take responsibility for the sperm that took.

Friday, November 07, 2003

Let's see if this test works...

Obviously NOT. I suppose I'm going to have to pay to upload images to here, since I can't seem to pull them off my own website. Damn it all.
Hungry hungry hungry.

That eating thing I did last week spoiled me rotten. Now, my tummy actually THINKS it needs food. I knew I wasn't doing any favors to myself by eating too much.

Am I whining? Probably. I can deal with cutting out some of my favorite foods. After a while, I don't even miss them. But right now, sticking to or below 1200 calories in is tough. Tonight is pizza night and it's hard to wait. Since kid sister is coming over tonight to do laundry, I'm popping pizzas in the oven now. I've allowed myself half a pizza, it's already entered, but I'm also filling half a large plate with salad (minimal dressing). Usually, I eat off the smaller plates.

Ok, done with pizza. Very tasty and now it's Bonus Treks time.

Workout was good, I ran/walked for 30 minutes. The average speed was 4.7mph, a bit of a jog. I did happen to bump up the running to 7.5mph, just to see if I could do it, since it's a goal for later to run 3 miles at that rate. So far, it's 2.4 at 4.7, obviously. :)

I keep checking my emails, the answering machine, for word from hubby. Nada, and it's Friday, for crying out loud. He's in the States. If he were overseas, I'd understand not calling or emailing, but surely the others have lives that aren't being interrupted and can cut hubby loose enough to email.

I've noticed lately that I'm feeling 'harsh' towards myself. Like, when I read other people's web logs, I refrain (or want to) from giving pats on the back or encouragement. Why? Because I'm thinking they'll reply "So? Why should I give a rat's butt what YOU think?" I don't know why, but I keep thinking other's attitude towards me is probably a "YOU are talking to ME?", like I'm bothering them by exsisting and who am I to talk to them. Does that make sense? Have no idea why I'm suddenly feeling so insignificant, usually this is reserved for PMS and that type of moody body chemistry.

Could it be the lack of calories making me go stark raving mad??? Could it be I NEED a healthy slice of cheesecake??? I think not, but I like the idea. :D Most likely it's due to the lack of sleep since hubby left. With the car being cut into, plus our basement window screen being ripped away, I can't sleep with hubby being gone. We have an alarm system with a beep every time a door or window is opened, there's a couple of guns where I can get to them, plus as always 911 is on the speed dial, so we're not open to the world and waiting for robbery.

What does that have to do with diet and health? Cortisol from not sleeping leads to pot belly, something that I'm actually losing. While my weight hasn't changed from 155, I measured and I've lost nearly two inches in my tummy! Yay! My chest, measured under the armpits and above the bust, and my waist are the only two places that haven't lost. The chest has increased due to back and pectoral exercises, I'm sure. The waist being the same I can handle, just as long as the tummy is decreasing. That's what really makes me look fat. Other than the fat itself.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Taught my knitting class today. Everyone sort of knew the difference between a knit and a purl except one. Sheesh. It was tough to have patience, because when I wanted to pause and have her do some practice rows, she argued and complained that if she wasn't knitting the mitten like she wanted, she wasn't knitting at all. I'm like, you're trying to run when you don't know how to walk, for cryin out loud.

God, tomorrow, I've got to take the yowling cat back to the base at 11:20. Before that, I need to return the movies we checked out. Actually, I may just keep them and watch the unwatched one tomorrow night. It's only a dollar penalty for lateness, even at that, it's less than blockbuster's one rental.

Heard from my beloved. He misses us but managed to send a short and sweet email. I love that man. :) He's wonderful and I miss him like crazy. I really try not to think about him too much, or I just get sad and lonely.

I need to wrap this up. I'm starving!! Too much so to sleep, so I'll probably snack lightly then go to bed.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

I miss him.

Hubby deployed today. It's only been one day, and already I'm counting down the 365 days his orders were cut for, plus the 2-3 weeks he'll be stateside getting weapons qualified. He's much more worried about his abilities than I am. He's freakin' amazing. Super efficient, super organized, just fantastic. The crazy thing is, he thinks just as much of me. Worships me like I worship him. Why? I don't know. I think I'm not worthy, hence the 'Perfection' blog of me trying to be a better person.

I did cry a lot (for me) at the airport. Already miss his skin and the warmth of his body. Got to hear his voice today when he called. Wonderful. :) Sometimes, I listen to his voice on his cell phone answering machine, just to hear it. I like how I sound when I'm leaving him a message. I recognize the sweetness in my voice as sincere love, since I sound like my sisters.

Talked to mom today and am SO HOPING they can come up for Christmas. I'd like a reason to decorate the house and am thinking about getting a webcam just so Hubby can see in on us. :) I think his birthday on Wednesday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas will be a wash, if only because we won't know where exactly to send gifts and turkey jerky. :D I should get his food dehydrator and whip up some dehydrated turkey, stuffing, and cranberries. }:D

We had seafood tonight, the Long John Silvers crabcakes were killing me. I ate all my dinner, which was too much. Actually, I don't like eating fast food or even eating out because I can't control the ingredients and food quality. The child and I had a treat tonight, but tomorrow, it's back to food as usual.

I'd like to resume this perfection thing, if only because I have 364+2-3 weeks to whip myself into shape. Both Hubby and I want to train for the German Army PT Test. At this point, I'd just like to pass the US Army PT test. My immediate goal is to run 2 miles in 18 minutes, a 9 minute mile. I can run 2 miles, but it's in 20-30 minutes. (how fast did I run that again??? can't remember) Also need to do 40 pushups in 2 minutes and 40 sit ups in 2 minutes. Pushups are improving, but the situps are a no-go due to lower back pain. I can, however, do 3 sets of 60 crunches. Hey, it's a baseline. :) Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym to get the stats on where I'm starting, then programming out goals from there. :)

Saturday, November 01, 2003

I last did this in freakin AUGUST? Holy crap, a lot has happened.

Well, not a whole lot, just hubby is being deployed, my car was cut open, I rolled into a parked car with my hubby's car, an I had a bad pap come back. You know what I mean if you're female. The bad thing is doing without my love and best friend for over a year. Miss him already.

My new fat weight is 155. My size 9s fit good, snug but not tight, and I'm really feeling slim, even if I'm still heavier than I want to be. :)

Slow and Steady Wins the Race