Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Workout was great, if brief, yesterday. Food was ok, considering. I'd had one of those Halloween packs of Teddy Grahams for breakfast, to keep myself out of the ice cream (it worked), then was stuck at the bank during the lunch hour. After that was getting the Jeep fixed. The bank is in a grocery store, and the deli had a chinese food special. Good for me that I ate it there. With to go, they give you more food. :) Less is more. I had a little bit of diet soda (considering), then snacked a little on ice cream (a quarter cup) in the evening. I need to add that to the calorie list.

Ran a mile at 5.5mph, yesterday, plus benched 80lbs 15 times. The ultimate goal is running 3 miles at 7.5 and benching 95 for 20 times. It's a German Army PT contest that Ft. Leavenworth has every year. I can't enter, of course, not being active duty, but it's something my hubby and I can do 'together'. We can compare notes and progress, essentially being a fan of each other.

Speaking of hubby and fanship AND weight....Our mechanic is a high school friend of my hubby, so I 'get' to hear all these bad boy stories about him. Yay. Stories about the German cathouse girls knowing him by name bothered me, as did the fact that his 'first' love and girlfriend looked like a model. (hubby's friend's words)

Begin Dark Psyche part

Now, logically, I know that while stationed in Germany, hubby was single and hadn't even met me. That being true, I also know that he has enough pride to not pay for 'it'. Finally, he's pretty cheap. He'll spend big bucks on quality while skimping on the transitory. Like, live in a mansion and drive a junker. His best friend being a mechanic helps, believe me. :D

Anyway, even though it happened 16 years ago, and husband 2 is nowhere the pond scum husband 1 was...husband 1 slept with paid chicks several times and told me they were worth the money. I'm always surprised by my pictures from that time frame. The younger me was gorgeous, thin, and just cute in general. I remember always feeling so fat, ugly, and plain in personality. Funny what brainwashing can do, huh? After 16 years, am I over it? My icky feelings yesterday when Bill said hubby was on a first name bases with the hired help made me think I had issues. Today, though, I think it's more of after having eaten something bad (like raw liver) I remember the taste and still shudder from it. I think I'm over it, just haven't forgotten how horrible it felt during that time.

Now, I don't know about you gals, but to hear that a former girlfriend looks like a model while you feel anything but, is tough. Using logic again, they dated two years, we've been married for ten. She and he weren't suited, didn't have the same life goals, while he and I infinitely do. At the same time, he hasn't seen her since she was 19, while he's seen me at 38. (gasp! my age always shocks me) Yeah, I looked great at 19, too, but the last time he saw me, I didn't look that good. I remember thinking 120lbs was fat, now I'm thinking I'll be emaciated at 130.

I'm babbling. The comment just pings that 'you're fat' feeling. Plus, there's no way I could be as skinny as a model, even if I wanted to. I need my muscle, otherwise, my metabolism makes turtles look like they're on speed. I can't eat low enough to get skinny, either. The low blood sugar gives me headaches, I lose concentration, and get very cranky. Plus, I flat out don't have the will power. Should I admit my loss of control sometimes? When I'm super hungry, it's like I'm feral and blind to common sense. Must. Have. Food.

End of Dark Psyche

Need to call the bank and see what's up with the lost paperwork. Also need to reply to emails. :)

Note to NBC: When the country is at war, another country has nukes and says whatcha gonna do about it...Don't break into programming to announce that one state has ruled in favor of same sex marriage. It's like running the Civil Defense sirens over a rainstorm. The ruling is a momentous event in civil liberties, not civil defense.

It could be just me, growing up in a time where those tests of the American Broadcast System was something that made you think WWIII had finally begun.

Gotta love PMS. Makes a gal take everything personally. A leaf falls off the tree outside, and I'm there asking "What? You don't like me anymore?"

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Slow and Steady Wins the Race